July 2024

noellevanious:

🦍🧒

“excuse me, for…. Being a single mother” - single mother winston

midnightclover:

blintzestein:

blintzestein:

blintzestein:

i left my binder on too long and it melded permanently into my skin. which is great

now i’ll be the prettiest polygender at the home depot sacrificial gathering

i’ve been told to tell you that home depot does not do sacrificial gatherings

not yet, maybe

i-say-ok:

therainbowgorilla:

identifying-horses-in-posts:

absurdly-useful:

the-haiku-bot:

cantotallyeven:

identifying-cars-in-posts:

terminusverge:

identifying-cars-in-posts:

mysteryviolencesideblog3000:

rotary-supercollider:

pointless-achievements:

tothechaos:

slicedcheesegremlin:

catboybeebop:

tothechaos:

tothechaos:

:

tothechaos:

glad that im not popular enough to have an evil shadow version of my blog that exists just to make contradictions on my posts

:)

Do Not Do This To Me

if this post hits 200k im printing it out and eating it

Achievement Unlocked:

Daily Recommended Dose of Fiber

Make an ill-advised promise within earshot of a gimmick blog.

Quick someone add a fucked-up car so we can get @identifying-cars-in-posts

Ok!

1976-1977 Oldsmobile Cutlass

That car is not messed up enough. Here.

@identifying-cars-in-posts

1981-1983 Delorean DMC-12

I’ll write a hauiku as a comment on this post and hope the bot sees

I’ll write a hauiku

as a comment on this post

and hope the bot sees

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

@identifying-horses-in-posts

Pretty horse!

@i-say-ok

ok.

homunculus-argument:

Supernatural creatures existing, but the magical abilities they have are actually super rare, functioning essentially like their species-specific superpowers.

“Holy shit, a dragon. Can you actually spit fire?”

“Oh wow. A human. Do you have telekinesis? Can you move items with the power of your mind? Yeah thought so. Fuck off.”

catasters:

marshberri:

girl

kyraneko:

final-girl-cas:

aseriouscomedian:

nordy-draws-stuff:

craptaztic:

riverdancekat:

iguanamouth:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

tolkientrash:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

werewolfjokewar:

Santa is on strike due to global warming.  All presents this year will be delivered by Sasha the Christmas Tiger.  Milk and cookies may not be sufficient.

“MUST BRING PRESENTS TO GOOD CHILDREN”

“Yes good”

“AND EAT THE BAD ONES”

“Wait no”

“EAT THEM”

“sasha no”

@burstofhope the Christmas tiger is watching

She is making a list

It is not easy with her paws but she is making it

shes almost here

Okay fine this is the ONE Christmas thing I will reblog before Thanksgiving BUT THAT’S IT

SASHA’S BACK ON MY DASH!

Y’all better behave, you have two months

You better watch out

You better watch out

You better watch out

You better watch out

Sasha the Christmas tiger my absolute beloved

Ah, a splendid specimen of the Yule Cat.

Scientific name Felis navidad, of course.

npdemu:

reblog to blow up an ableist

ur-daily-inspiration:

tails-155:

via http://imgur.com/gallery/x5mE5

Original: http://william-snekspeare.tumblr.com/

zemathememequeen:

toastybugguy:

saw that one “are cishet aro men queer” poll that’s going around and like. I’m not gonna reblog it bc the results are frankly disappointing and the discourse going on in the tags is really dumb but, unfriendly reminder, if you’re aro/acephobic you’re a loser lmao…. bye. anyway hi aro men you are very valid and I think you’re super awesome and cool ‼️

Imagine being aphobic in 2023 jfc

familyabolisher:

ever since i was a little boy i always wanted to be on my phone at work

you are hungry in the woods. are you eating moss or bug first

pukicho:

I am eating the big delectable USDA beef hamburger I brought with me

headspace-hotel:

foxtail354:

thenatsdorf:

Itchy snoot. 

HE DIRT BROKEN :(

Reblog if you think it’s okay to platonically say “I Love You” to your friends

newgod-apollo:

smallkloon:

jinxtheowl:

slymewizard:

ezrasarm:

pixie-mage:

Slams the reblog button so damn fast

Im not confident enough to say it, but Im always thinking it. I love all of you.

Reblogs 100× BECAUSE IT’S COMPLETELY OKAY TO PLATONICALLY LOVE EVERY BEING YOU COME ACROSS (Who doesn’t take a negative toll on your life)

i love you

I love all my friends! And i tell them whenever i feel is right

roach-works:

crimeronan:

crimeronan:

i also have a whole post i could write about how kudos on ao3 correspond to marketability rather than quality, exactly how the actual publishing industry works, but. the question is… do i have the energy

okay i’m writing it.  

there’s a very good encouraging post (cannot currently find it) about how ao3 kudos don’t correspond to writing quality, which is true.

but if you don’t know WHY that is, it sounds like meaningless pat-on-the-back “keep your chin up, champ!” stuff.

it’s not.

kudos on ao3 are a marketing game.  i’m gonna use my own ao3 works to make my case bc that’s a lot easier (and Significantly Less Asshole-ish) than analyzing the marketability of other people’s ao3 fic

my two main fandoms over the past 8 years are homestuck and the raven cycle/dreamer trilogy verse.

my most popular homestuck fanfiction is vacation.  it’s a johndave fic i wrote when i was 16, and as of writing this post, it has 2,974 kudos.

by comparison, there’s breathe on the ashes.  this is an ancestor fic similar in length and chapter count to vacation.  it has 268 kudos - an encouraging readership for sure, but less than 1/10th of the engagement of vacation.  it has less than 1/20th the amount of hits.

quality-wise, breathe on the ashes is SIGNIFICANTLY better than vacation (though there’s a LOT about it i’d do differently if i wrote it today).  i wrote it when i was 19.  it has better characterization, more thoughtful character arcs, more compelling plotting, better twists, and a significantly more fulfilling resolution.

so why is vacation so much more popular?

a great deal of it is luck - it was the first (i believe?) mainstream mermaid AU in the homestuck fandom, and it inspired a LOT of fanart that brought readers in.  it was written in 2012-2013, at the height of the homestuck fandom’s engagement w/ fanworks

it also combines a popular AU concept with the most popular fandom ship at the time.  i have multiple very short, badly written johndave oneshots from 2012 that ALSO have significantly more kudos than breathe on the ashes.

breathe on the ashes, by comparison, is about the homestuck ancestors, who get almost no screen time in canon and have no canon personalities.  it’s plot-heavy rather than ship-heavy.  it’s dense, and at some times very dark.

much of its readership is tumblr mutuals and people who started following my writing for johndave.  but also, a significant part of its readership is people reading for the tagged relationships and the promised adventure story. that’s why it has over 200 kudos instead of, like, 10.

now let’s compare two series i’ve written for the raven cycle/dreamer trilogy fandom: the most self-indulgent vampire AU of all time and unbecoming jordan hennessy.

unbecoming jordan hennessy is my newest series, so it hasn’t had years to gain a readership.  but none of the fics have more than 70 hits, which is unusual for my profile.  in fact, only the first fic has more than 10 kudos.  by comparison, the vampire AU has 73 series bookmarks, 3,500 hits on the first installment, and nearly 450 kudos on the first installment.

that’s because i knew the jordan hennessy series had little potential readership going in and made no effort to mitigate that.  it’s an extremely dark dead dove series that has basically every available content warning and then some.  it focuses on a dreamer trilogy character (so, already a smaller fandom than the raven cycle) who gets very little fandom attention, and character spinoffs who get even LESS attention.  most didn’t even have ao3 tags of their own until i wrote them.  it’s all genfic, and it’s all gruesome and gutwrenching and awful.

meanwhile i DID take steps to encourage vampire AU readership, even as i continued writing what i want.  the main characters are in a polycule, but poly fic is rarely interacted with in this fandom.  so several installments focus chiefly on the main fandom pairing (pynch) with the polyamory as a background.  that way there was already a readership when i started exploring adansey, bronan, etc.

i wrote the vampire AU with fan-favorite tropes (i mean…. it’s a vampire AU).  i wrote it to be self-indulgent and fun.  i wrote it ENTIRELY as a series where I Do What I Want, but i also marketed it in ways that drive reader engagement.  i used tags that people often search on ao3.  i used popular & humorous title formats.  i used short, snappy summaries that told people what to expect from the fic.

both of these series are undeniably good.  i’m a good writer.  but only one was written With The Consumption Of Others In Mind, and it’s reflected 100% in the stats.  in fact, if i didn’t have tumblr mutuals who’d shared jordan hennessy, NO ONE would have read it.  

i’m not sore about people not reading jordan hennessy.  i wrote it for myself, like most of my writing is for myself, and i published it for maybe 3 or 4 mutuals who care about the content as much as i do.  i knew it wasn’t going to be mass devoured by the fandom.

(i have well over a million words of fiction that i’ve written for myself that no one else has ever seen.  unbecoming jordan hennessy is the closest public window into what most of that content looks like.)

so.

here’s how to market a fic to get kudos:

  1. pick a large fandom.  raven cycle is a pretty big YA fandom, homestuck is a giant internet fandom.  if i cared to write for fandoms like the MCU, i could almost definitely surpass vacation’s success
  2. pick the most popular pairing.  or a very popular pairing, if there are several in your fandom.
  3. DO NOT write relationship-less genfic.  even if the fic itself is pretty genficcy, tag it with a popular relationship.  (use & relationship tags if there absolutely is no romance or it’s focused on familial bonding.)
  4. DO NOT go overboard with relationship tags or with general tags.  do not write a summary that’s a million words long.
  5. write a popular AU.  high school, college, supernatural, coffee shop, office workers, soulmates, whatever.
  6. write a popular relationship trope.  fake relationship, enemies to lovers, there was only one bed, and they were roommates etc.
  7. write a popular subgenre.  sickfic, slow burn, married shenanigans, plotless fluff, angst with a happy ending, etc.
  8. write a oneshot or keep chapter lengths somewhere from 2,000 to 4,000 words.
  9. profit.

does any of that have to do with the writing quality? no.  

it has to do with what people are searching for on ao3, what they’re likely to read, and how to reach the largest market possible in your fandom of choice.

so if you’re writing for external validation, use this formula and go forth and enjoy success, friends.  and if you’re worried that maybe you’re a bad writer because your fic isn’t being engaged with: stop worrying.  marketability and quality are not the same thing, and they never have been.

my homestuck fic actually comprises a significant fraction of the first ten pages of top-kudosed works. im on there a lot. i shaped a big chunk of early fanon. there’s an unsettling amount of evidence that im why troll dicks generally look like that. and it’s not because i was the best writer around, it’s because i got in early and because i write fanfiction to throw spaghetti at the wall, trying out whatever seems new and interesting to me, so i ended up blazing exactly one step of a new trail in a bunch of different directions, so then subsequent explorers kept on crediting me.

but like, actually examining my works through the lense of kudos also shows the other filter besides just novelty: i wrote a huge range of lengths and subjects and pairings and tones, and what actually Became A Hit was pretty much all the Normal Shit. the redrom. the strider manpain. the ornate aus with lovely outfits. the palatable stuff that almost anyone liked.

your best work probably won’t (and probably shouldn’t!) be your most popular, because quality is a function of passion and experience and experimentation and originality. popularity is about working with averages. stuff most people like well enough. there’s nothing inherently wrong with it. but you need to keep that in mind if you want to be an unrepentant freak who writes for the unhinged joy of it.

everyone likes a guitar. the inventor of the saxophone was almost assassinated like three times by inept but evidently passionate sax-hating time travelers. draw your own conclusions.

angelbabyspice:

11thsense:

A representation of my thought process at all times

this is literally how teenagers talk irl

caffeinatedopossum:

Me when I remember something I said ages ago that was wrong or my values no longer align with

girlnumbers:

aauuauauuuhahauaauhahHh euehhgah gweyeyhhhhhahhh nnnhnmnggjannm

linkedin-offficial:

im cooking chat

whydidisavethistomyphone:

marlinspirkhall:

lesserjoke:

Today in obscure Doctor Who jokes:

Somebody on Twitter pointed out that the Big Finish companion Hex is canonically from the year 2021, so when he occasionally abbreviates the word “suspicious” to “sus,” it’s probably an Among Us reference.

The punchline is that this character was actually introduced back in 2004. It was made-up future slang that they happened to get right.

“British writer invents time travel and uses it on One Joke”

chaosthedemon:

unclefather:

yurimom:

this is really just my favorite tiktok

there’s so many things going on here that we can’t talk about right now

how dare you hide this in the notes

chaosthedemon:

unclefather:

yurimom:

this is really just my favorite tiktok

there’s so many things going on here that we can’t talk about right now

how dare you hide this in the notes

somethingusefulfromflorida:

catchymemes:

Senator John Fetterman

meatybunger:

melled42:

deadlyvu-427:

Babe wake up Massive Monster dropped the official genders for each of the cotl characters

based Massive Monster moment for being so casual with fans in their lofi hip hop beats to chill and study to stream 🙏

This implies whoever gets indoctrinated into the cult turns nonnbinary lol

This is what the gendercriticals warned us about, the nb cult (wiggly fingers of terror)

Also the fox is like this ageless unknowable force for hunger but he’s like “yeah, pronouns he/him”. Just kinda funny to me

@thegreatgeodo

is-the-owl-video-cute:

bovineblogger:

bat-connoisseur:

bovineblogger:

trans person: im trans

society: ok

the magnificent african forest buffalo:

The magnificent african forest buffalo:

iim. actually going to cry. im so honored thank uou

seen a few different threads of this post and I just think the world needs to see what the adults look like.

They’re actually a subspecies of African buffalo.

You know, this guy?

Anyway, they keep the striped ear plumes even as adults, theorized to help protect the ears from biting insects. Easily one of the bovines of all time.

worst-of-facebook:

image

candieduranium:

rb to stare at a mutual like this:

glassfrogforest:

motherfucker-somewhat-limited:

wizardarchetypes:

wizardarchetypes:

was reading a romance/erotica novel a friend loaned me and in the middle of the book the main character is chopping vegetables to prep for a whole dinner party with her friends and the love interest shows up and they hook up & his hands go everywhere you’d expect them to and then afterward while she’s still catching her breath on the floor he’s like “I’ll finish this for you 😏” and he PICKS UP THE VEGGIES and knife with his UNWASHED HANDS and starts prepping. I was floored. I couldn’t finish the book. call me what you will. weak perhaps. but i say to you we need editors with a food handlers certificates. we need line cook beta readers that’s what I believe

i did read on to the next scene and they were serving their friends the salad and i felt like i was watching hannibal. i was like no!!!!! don’t eat it!!!!!!!!!!!

asciidot:

asciidot:

i keep thinking about the graphic designer pride flag

it has captivated me

headspace-hotel:

foxtail354:

thenatsdorf:

Itchy snoot. 

HE DIRT BROKEN :(

fallen-and-holy:

I think being a shapeshifter would fix me

color-picked-pride-flags:

glitterspaghettiketchup:

color-picked-pride-flags:

sentientsoil:

poisoned-sugar11:

vivid-badsquad:

orphic-exe-archived:

pekabloooop2:

orphic-exe-archived:

stelterna:

orphic-exe-archived:

vivid-badsquad:

poisoned-sugar11:

vivid-badsquad:

dont breach containment it haz no CONTEXT

…this post has 10k notes to me

NO

investing at 14 notes lets go

what if I made a haiku in this reblog to summon haiku bot

hell yeah get his ass

coming in at 23 this is gona get big trust me

“post without tags?” yes. they’ll find this post

WHAT ARE YOU ALL DOING HERE

do it for the bit

image added 👍

Bisexual and transgender pride flags colour picked from… that.

Doing my part - drew some of my characters with the colors from these flags!

Bungle came out ADORABLE man!

Oh cool I’m not the one abusing our follower count for once.

a-sentient-cup:

taxkha:

guys!! I just came up with the funniest meme!!! Also fix your fucking back posture!!!!

@official-megumin

littlestfallenangel:

anarchistmemecollective:

anarchistmemecollective:

drawing of two hands clasping while a third hand is out of reach below.  the clasped hands are labeled “piracy” and “physical media” while the bottom hand is labeled “streaming services”ALT

wow tumblr really loves piracy huh. this didn’t break 100 on any other platform, but got 10k notes in less than 24 hours here. yo ho tumblrinas.

Piracy 🤝 Physical Media 🤝 Libraries

Physical media has two hands 😌

i-am-a-fish:

i-am-a-fish:

boobs.

play this while you read the post

breasts.

bazongs.

*gentle smile*

cock, and balls.


*soft chuckle*

tummy.

oh, oh tummy.

truly beautiful.

this world may be full of beauty

but don’t forget that you are beautiful as well

#this song is 5 minutes how long do you think it takes me to read this postALT

the last four and a half minutes are for reflection

asteroidtroglodyte:

antimony-ore:

antimony-ore:

If “all it takes is a hairy chest” then, hey wait- are you even listening to me?

This post is sooo stupid AND I literally spelled propaganda wrong and no one noticed lmao STOP sharing it PLEASE 😭

Let’s take it to 10k, folks!

supermansbigtits:

[Image ID: Disappointed Black Guy is a four-panel reaction image macro that expresses the expectation-reality meme. Black writing on a white background saying

- creating AUS
- world building

- creating OCS
- sending memes to your friends

juxtaposes a photograph of a happy, excited man. The third panel

- actually writing the fic

followed by a picture of the same person, but now with an expression of disappointment or shock. End ID]

do you like the fungle

theauthor27:

Who?

ere-the-sun-rises:

sleepycatten:

As someone who falls into 3 of these categories, I feel very called out by my own meme 😅

Alt text:

A meme image of 4 arms / hands reaching out & grabbing another hand’s wrist, forming a kind of square.

Hand 1: Trans & non-binary folks

Hand 2: Bi & pan folks

Hand 3: Aro & ace folks

Hand 4: Neurodivergent folks

In the middle between them all: “Wait… doesn’t everyone feel this way?”

It’s always fun when you’re one or more of these things simultaenously and find out so, so much later that the world you live in is very much not shared by everyone else.

eternal-dannation:

spatialheather:

lohboh:

lohboh:

I got an extension called DeArrow that replaces Youtube thumbnails/titles with crowdsourced ones to make them less clickbaity and obnoxious. If there isn’t one available I set it to just grab a random frame and remove ALL CAPS!!!.

Here’s some comparisons (Original on the left, DeArrow on the right):

Keep reading

Night and fucking day on Linus Tech Tips….

might add this to my roster of youtube mods along with the “remove ytshorts from my existance” one

there is also the inverse, an extension called mrbeastify that adds youtuber mr beast to all the thumbnails

diaryofcollectorzoloft:

dear diary, today i learned a new word. trans gender. some people use different pronounce than the ones they were born with. the mean lesbian who took me in uses he and she. i think everyone should be who they are. i just wish he would be less of a bitch. #love is love #pride #ally

l101216l:

Don’t forget it’s still free Palestine, Congo, Sudan, Yemen, West Papua, Tigray, Haiti, Burma/Myanmar, Uyghurs, Syria, Kashmir, Cameroon, Armenia and Kurdistan.

Regardless of who you are or where you come from, if you do not feel outrage, anguish, and grief for these innocent lives lost, something is amiss, and you must consider why you lack the drive to take action.

Their fight should be considered our fight, as it is one for human rights.

only-cat-memes:

adulthoodisokay:

moonflowerlights:

#how long have we been holding on to this one?

i’ve had this queued for 365 days

who-do-i-know-this-man:

Weird thing to get so upset about but.. yeah, he is. He literally donates the maximum legal amount he can to far right politicians. I get he made the funny bear and purple man but that for sure counts as evil.

hellsitegenetics:

greenmossloveisreal1998iloveyou:

greenmossloveisreal1998iloveyou:

mistah-oso:

greenmossloveisreal1998iloveyou:

HE.  There exists a singular subject in that sentence and squidward is not NB. 

We are shit-posters but we should try to have standards, damnit!

first of all youre a shit poster im a good poster second squidward isnt the only one underwater on spongebob dumbass

not to mention squidward is nonbinary

String identified:
T a a a at t cat a ca t a at.
. T t a ga ct tat tc a a t .
a t-t t t t a taa, at!
t a a t t a g t c a t t at g a
t t t a a

Closest match: Sialis fuliginosa genome assembly, chromosome: 4
Common name: Alderfly

(image source)

radioactive-yuri:

when i say that there’s a disparity in how aromantics and asexuals are treated, what i mean is that romantic asexuality is allowed to exist, but sexual aromanticism is not. what i mean is that all sexual content is expected to be tagged appropriately, and sex-repulsed people can block those tags, but romantic content is almost never tagged as romantic, and romance-repulsed people are just expected to be alright with that. what i mean is that you cannot make a single post about aromanticism without someone tagging it as “ace” or “aroace” (even if you specifically make a banner that says not to do so). what i mean is that i have gotten several hate anons from other aspecs just because i talk openly about being a non-ace aro. what i mean is that all aromantic representation is aroace. what i mean is that the aspec community is incredibly sex-negative. what i mean is that popular aspec media openly spouts alloarophobia and still gets praised as good aspec representation. what i mean is that non-ace aros are expected to seperate our sexuality from our aromanticism entirely because it might make some aroace uncomfortable to acknowledge that sexual aromanticism can and does exist.

there is a fucking disparity, you’re just not listening to us.