No, a hummingbird’s heart will not stop if it stops moving. You’re possibly thinking of Spoink, which is a Pokemon that supposedly powers its heart by bouncing, and as such can’t stop moving. Hummingbirds don’t sit often because they’re busy looking for food, but they can and do sit. The females sit on eggs in nests, after all, and they do have to sleep.
Also! Because of how insanely high their metabolism is, hummingbirds go into a special state called torpor when they sleep, in which they slow down their heartbeat and their body temperature drops, which helps them to consume less energy so they don’t starve while they’re sleeping!
It’s actually my favourite dish that my mom would make for me, when the scent filled the house I would run down the stairs excitedly, even though I knew it wouldn’t be done for another hour or so. My sweet sweet schmungus. My love <3
For those unfamiliar, it’s mashed up, very ripe bananas cooked and stirred until sticky and then left to cool down :3
If you are currently sitting or laying down this moment ask yourself if you are resting or rotting. Change your behavior accordingly
There is no romance in decay when the decaying is easy
You are naught but pawns in my game
I hope some of y'all take this as a sign to rest intentionally too.
if you’re “resting” but thinking of all the things you have to do, that’s not resting, that’s rotting. Even if you haven’t done anything all day, give yourself some time to rest and truly relax. When you let yourself relax guilt free, you actually regain energy for your responsibilities.
Can we stop all normalising the use of “sc*rvy” as a fun little thing to call people?? I literally had sc*rvy last year and it was even worse than when I got my hand cut off. Fuck anyone who uses the S word without even considering how triggering it can be to those of us who have ACTUALLY suffered though it
🌅 castedaway Follow
No wenches?
🏴☠️ white-beard Follow
Honestly you people are so insufferable I genuinely hope you walk the plank
🌅 castedaway Follow
AHOY???
🍑 plundermebooty Follow
Okay but OP is literally a landlubber, mateys
🌴 pegmeg
nahhh why is it literally always landlubbers faking scurvy and sending plank threats ☠☠
768 notes
🗡wagscallion Follow
everyone says “land ho!” but never “land ma'am”
💨 matelotsaboteur
Really makes you think
2,041 notes
💃 crossdressing101Follow
this whole crew was so gullible ngl, i just cut my hair and dressed in my fathers clothes and they all fell for it, hook line and sinker??
💃 crossdressing101 Follow
honestly im surprised no one has found me out yet. surely i dont seem that much like a man? i mean it makes this way easier but like. im still a woman. obviously
🕺 crossdressing101 Follow
mateys i have come to a shocking realisation,
34 notes
⛵ privatesteer Follow
wildest argument for piracy i’ve ever heard was that the gold stored on government ships is dangerous cause it weighs them down, so they’re just ‘lightening the load’
i am SO sick of the term “ship-shape” like, matey, which shape?? Ships come in so many fucking shapes like have non of you ever boarded more than one vessel in your career???? Anyway fake ship fans DNI with this post i can NOT be bothered with your tomfuckery today
💦 longjohngolder Follow
girl its not that deep ☠
🌏 boat-enthusiast Follow
to YOU. i just get it
1,147 notes
🙍♂️ dudeindistress Follow
honestly being held for ransom isnt that bad. kinda nice to be held
4,733 notes
🦜 pollypockets Follow
SQUAWK
🐦 aviated Follow
CAW SQUAWK SQUAWK
🦜 pollypockets Follow
CA-CAW
790 notes
🍑 plundermebooty Follow
the cabin boy just winked at me?? after offering to help clean my gun? privately. in my quarters. tonight.
🍑 plundermebooty Follow
i think i hauve scurvy
142 notes
🌊 swabmydick Follow
mateys I SWEARR my captain and his first mate are gonna kiss before our next voyage. they literally have so much romantic tension every time i see them its nauseating
🕶 longjohngolderdeactivated16511205
wtf its so problematic and harmful to ship real people?? unfollowing rn i thought you were better than this
🌊 swabmydick Follow
i literally rob and kill people for a living?????? that’s where you draw the line???
Can we stop all normalising the use of “sc*rvy” as a fun little thing to call people?? I literally had sc*rvy last year and it was even worse than when I got my hand cut off. Fuck anyone who uses the S word without even considering how triggering it can be to those of us who have ACTUALLY suffered though it
🌅 castedaway Follow
No wenches?
🏴☠️ white-beard Follow
Honestly you people are so insufferable I genuinely hope you walk the plank
🌅 castedaway Follow
AHOY???
🍑 plundermebooty Follow
Okay but OP is literally a landlubber, mateys
🌴 pegmeg
nahhh why is it literally always landlubbers faking scurvy and sending plank threats ☠☠
768 notes
🗡wagscallion Follow
everyone says “land ho!” but never “land ma'am”
💨 matelotsaboteur
Really makes you think
2,041 notes
💃 crossdressing101Follow
this whole crew was so gullible ngl, i just cut my hair and dressed in my fathers clothes and they all fell for it, hook line and sinker??
💃 crossdressing101 Follow
honestly im surprised no one has found me out yet. surely i dont seem that much like a man? i mean it makes this way easier but like. im still a woman. obviously
🕺 crossdressing101 Follow
mateys i have come to a shocking realisation,
34 notes
⛵ privatesteer Follow
wildest argument for piracy i’ve ever heard was that the gold stored on government ships is dangerous cause it weighs them down, so they’re just ‘lightening the load’
i am SO sick of the term “ship-shape” like, matey, which shape?? Ships come in so many fucking shapes like have non of you ever boarded more than one vessel in your career???? Anyway fake ship fans DNI with this post i can NOT be bothered with your tomfuckery today
💦 longjohngolder Follow
girl its not that deep ☠
🌏 boat-enthusiast Follow
to YOU. i just get it
1,147 notes
🙍♂️ dudeindistress Follow
honestly being held for ransom isnt that bad. kinda nice to be held
4,733 notes
🦜 pollypockets Follow
SQUAWK
🐦 aviated Follow
CAW SQUAWK SQUAWK
🦜 pollypockets Follow
CA-CAW
790 notes
🍑 plundermebooty Follow
the cabin boy just winked at me?? after offering to help clean my gun? privately. in my quarters. tonight.
🍑 plundermebooty Follow
i think i hauve scurvy
142 notes
🌊 swabmydick Follow
mateys I SWEARR my captain and his first mate are gonna kiss before our next voyage. they literally have so much romantic tension every time i see them its nauseating
🕶 longjohngolderdeactivated16511205
wtf its so problematic and harmful to ship real people?? unfollowing rn i thought you were better than this
🌊 swabmydick Follow
i literally rob and kill people for a living?????? that’s where you draw the line???
sorry i don’t think ill ever get past the blatant racism in the fact that the italian and irish mobs are heavily romanticized and almost idolized while latino/african american mobs and gangs are seen as the scum of the earth who single handedly ruin society. not saying either is good or anything but the absolute polar opposite way that white organized crime vs non-white organized crime is treated by media and white society is fucking nuts to me. just blatant stone cold hypocrisy
like white people organized crime is cool and sexy and movies and tv shows about it are classics (the godfather, the sopranos) but if black or latino people have organized crime and make music about it then it’s the reason society is collapsing or whatever and it’s glorifying violence. what if everything was equally nuanced
sorry i don’t think ill ever get past the blatant racism in the fact that the italian and irish mobs are heavily romanticized and almost idolized while latino/african american mobs and gangs are seen as the scum of the earth who single handedly ruin society. not saying either is good or anything but the absolute polar opposite way that white organized crime vs non-white organized crime is treated by media and white society is fucking nuts to me. just blatant stone cold hypocrisy
like white people organized crime is cool and sexy and movies and tv shows about it are classics (the godfather, the sopranos) but if black or latino people have organized crime and make music about it then it’s the reason society is collapsing or whatever and it’s glorifying violence. what if everything was equally nuanced
(transcript because I couldn’t find one in the notes)
Stephen Colbert: A lot of writers say they were nerdy kids, unpopular, like outcasts, or that sort of thing; was that your experience growing up?
BJ Novak: I think that’s exaggerated, I think a lot of people love to say, ‘oh I was such a nerd’ or ‘I was such a rebel, I sat in the back of the bus’. Most people sat in the middle of the bus. That’s how buses work. So, you know, people say-
Colbert: So you were sitting in the middle?
Novak: Yeah, that’s where I sat! I mean, I did my homework and y'know, dreamed of being a bit of a rebel. I did a very nerdy version of rebellion, which I guess is sort of my way of balancing where I sat on the bus. When I was 14, I got it in my head that I wanted a fake ID. and I committed what- the only term for it is ‘identity theft’, to get this fake ID. So this is the kind of nerd- I’ve never told this story before, this is pretty much the nerdiest way you can be like, ‘a bad kid’. I went to the Newton library where I grew up, and I went through their polling records… buckle in.
Colbert: I think you’ve already - just that sentence has violated a federal law, but go ahead.
Novak: Yeah, there’s a handful of these, and I actually tried to google the statute of limitations on this before the show and couldn’t get the WiFi.
Colbert: Okay.
Novak: So I looked up -this is true- I looked up someone that was 21 years old, through their polling records.
Colbert: And you’re 14.
Novak: I was 14 years old, I looked up someone who was 21 who had my same first name and initial, because I thought, “if I get drunk” -I had never been drunk. I was like, “if I forget my name, I can’t get busted”. So I found someone who was “Benjamin J. [something]”. So I found this guy’s name and I thought, “if I can just forge all his documents, I can go to the DMV and say I lost my license and they’ll give me a new license with his picture”, this is my plan. So first I need to know where he’s born so I can get his birth certificate, so I call his house. I ask for him, I don’t know what i would have done, I get his brother and I say “I work with Ben, we’re doing a crossword puzzle based on his life for his birthday. Can you tell me what town he was born in?’. So he told me and I took the subway there and I got his birth certificate.
Colbert: How- You went to the- You went to like the county clerk and said-
Novak: They didn’t ask for ID, they just gave me his birth certificate. Then I opened up a mailbox in his name and wrote- I was 14, I didn’t know what i was doing- I wrote to the IRS.
Colbert: Uh-huh…
Novak: And I filled out tax forms in his name. And then I went to the DMV and said “I lost my wallet and I need to-this is all i have”. And i looked 14 years old, but I had these documents, so they sent me to the backroom with this woman who sized me up and said “I can’t give you this, you don’t even have a picture”, and then said with a wry smile on her face, “Open your wallet right now.” and like a true method actor, the only thing I had in my wallet was a library card I had signed in his name. And she approved it, and for the rest of high school I had this actual driver’s license, with my picture on it.
[audience cheering]
Novak: I’m glad we have some support. You have a look on your face- I don’t know if that was funny or if you just broke the law…
Colbert: It was fantastic, I just hope you have a good lawyer.
“I was 14, I didn’t know what I was doing” said of a caper pulled off with a calculated, methodical demeanor that would make Hannibal Lecter blush
“i was 14 i didn’t know what i was doing….
so i go to the IRS”
somewhere, a man named benjamin j just realized wtf happened when he was 21
hey remember how awhile back i mentioned that tiktok has a whole trend where people mix cleaning supplies well i redownloaded tiktok so im finally able to show you what i mean
I put my bare hands in this sink and get a chemical burn so bad it oozes and bubbles nonstop for days
i have GREAT news for you
potion of cough up blood
people are so fucking stupid oh my god
Cleaning TikTok: We’ve mixed the perfect cleaning solution!
Everyone Else: You’ve created mustard gas is what you’ve done. Your lungs look like you’ve just returned from the Western Front.
Jesus fucking christ. One time I accidentally mixed an ammonia scrub and a bleach spray and gave myself a migraine in 15 minutes how the fuck are they even still standing.
Time for a health and safety lesson.
See below for a chart on what household cleaners to NEVER EVER MIX EVER OR YOU CAN (AND WILL PROBABLY) DIE OR OTHERWISE BECOME EXTREMELY FUCKED UP AND NOT IN A FUN WAY BUT IN THE HOSPITAL AND/OR GRAVEYARD WAY:
The above is not a complete list, but these are extremely common in most households and therefore are the most likely chemical fuck-ups to occur.
DO NOT MIX HOUSEHOLD CHEMICALS.
DO NOT MIX CLEANING AGENTS.
DO NOT MIX CERTAIN ASTRINGENTS. (HYDROGEN PEROXIDE IS OFTEN IN FIRST AID KITS OR WOUND SPRAYS AND CAN CAUSE A REACTION IN SMALL AMOUNTS IF MIXED WITH THINGS IT SHOULD NOT BE MIXED WITH EVEN ACCIDENTALLY ON A SURFACE ETC.)
DO NOT MIX ANY CHEMICALS THAT YOU ARE NOT 100% SURE ARE SAFE TO MIX. (SPOILER: MOST THINGS ARE NOT REALLY SAFE TO MIX AND SOMETIMES COMBINING SAFE ONES ACTUALLY MAKES THEM LESS EFFECTIVE ANYWAY, SO JUST DON’T COMBINE THIS KIND OF SHIT!)
YOU ARE PROBABLY NOT A CHEMIST. PLEASE DO NOT TURN YOUR KITCHEN/BATHROOM/HOME INTO A LAB ACCIDENT.
IF YOU ARE A CHEMIST, YOU SHOULD STILL NOT FUCK AROUND. MANY OF YOU DO NOT RELIABLY USE YOUR SAFETY GOGGLES OR THE CORRECT TYPE OF SAFETY GOGGLES. (IF YOU’RE THE TYPE OF CHEMIST WHO DOESN’T ENSURE ADEQUATE VENTILATION IN YOUR WORK AREA, I WILL NOT TRUST YOU WITH BLEACH. COMPLACENCY KILLS.)
CONCLUSION: STOP MIXING CHEMICALS!
YOU ARE NOT PROFESSOR X, AND YOU WILL NOT END UP CREATING THE POWERPUFF GIRLS.
YOU WILL ONLY CREATE A NEW INVOICE FOR YOUR LOCAL FUNERAL HOME.
I AM YELLING AT YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND WANT YOU TO BE SAFE.
TO ANY DUMBASS TEENAGERS OUT THERE, I WANT YOU TO SURVIVE LONG ENOUGH TO BECOME DUMBASS ADULTS.
PLEASE DO NOT DIE.
The fumes from this vid burned all the hair off my body,melted my skin, and then killed me t.f
Hey, this actually very useful information to have if you are a kid or otherwise don’t know.
I feel like the “may cause death” part on that chart needs to be majorly bigger. The descriptions of the first two sound like they’d be unpleasant, but “unpleasant” doesn’t cut it. Needs to have a way bigger “THIS IS HOW THEY KILLED PEOPLE IN WARS BEFORE IT WAS OUTLAWED” warning.
every july. every fucking july this post gets reblogged to shit. why. why does this god forsaken website love egg. i gave egg a voice in 2013 and it always comes back. i try to forget egg. i bury egg as far as i can but somehow someone always finds fucking egg post. this post could be dead for months but it always managed to come back like some sort of zombie egg. enough egg. no more egg. fuck eg
I now have this scheduled to reblog every year on July 1st at exactly midnight
Biggest indicator of US decline: You could buy 6 BigMacs with 1 hour of minimum wage in 1980, but today you can’t even buy one, despite minimum wage more than doubling.
It’s over.
Fs for the USA
explaining purchasing power collapse to an american: imagine no burger
have you noticed that they don’t even want you right clicking anymore
Yeah! you can do it to a youtube video and take a snapshot of that frame if it’s paused, or open the thumbnail in a new tab if it hasn’t started playing yet
please consider donating to house a homeless person
hello friends, my fundraiser is still going! i’m a disabled queer guy, and i’m living in my car at the moment. my goal is to purchase a van so i can sell my car and equip the van with the basic nessecities of a house! this is a project i’ve been researching for years, and i’m very eager to do it. having a camper van will be essentially like owning a home, something that is currently impossible for most of us. it will save me a ton of money and allow me to live comfortably and safely while i’m in the process of getting an income.
the donations have significantly slowed down (last donation was 4 days ago), but i’m trying to get to ~3k before winter time so i can purchase the vehicle and do a basic conversion first with walls, insulation, and heating before the cold weather really hits. the goal is 10k, but i don’t need the full amount right away to get started.
please consider donating or boosting 🙏 you will be helping to house a homeless person and eliminate a lot of suffering from my life.
so i took out the trash today like the good house husband i am not, leaving behind the rank smell of long forgotten noodles and the regrets of two people with memory issues
i, like any good tumblr citizen, remember the tales of the person who put two cups of vanilla extract in their oven so i did the sensible thing to get out two Caps of extract
just then, inspiration struck. a bolt of lightning straight from the muses themselves, if i could use vanilla extract…. who’s to say i couldn’t use other extracts?
i scoured the cabinets, i knew my partner had secreted away some illicit non-vanilla type extracts for baking, and i found it.
hidden in the back of the cabinet was a lone bottle of mint extract
i emptied my two caps with abandon into an (oven safe) glass dish and gleefully set the oven for 300 for an hour
all that was left now was to wait for the sins of the mind to be purged by the mighty mint leaf
ten minutes in… starting to smell kinda like a thin mint
fifteen minutes in, i take a nice deep breath of lovely scented air and i am greeted by searing burning minty pain
i launch myself towards the kitchen, every step closer to mint hell, every orifice on my face burning with the freezing righteous flame of menthol
im fumbling for the oven mitt to rid my home of this foul demon, i pry the oven open and am hit with a blast unlike anything else
i feel what that vine kid taking shots of mouthwash feels, i was seared raw, my tits were blown clean off, and it was just me and that devilish beguiling minty fresh taste
quickly dumping the rest into the sink i ran towards the door, begging for the sweet sweet smell of un-minted air
learning nothing from this encounter, i dare to try once more, with the tumblr-approved extract this time
wish me luck
update: the vanilla has finished cooking, it now very much smells like the pillsberry doughboy fucked a thin mint
Saw this this morning while I was feeling very low and tired, and I thought it would help any other Black women feeling the same.
Black women, we gotta take care of ourselves, and it’s OKAY to do so. Not even just in the coming months, but all the time. We are worth love, respect, and dignity, no matter how much this world wants to force us to believe less. 🙏🏾💖
Yes, I would appreciate it if you shared this for the Black women in your circles to see 🙏🏾
“I heard you in the other room asking your mother: "Mama, am I a Palestinian?” When she answered “Yes,” a heavy silence fell on the whole house. It was as if something hanging over our heads had fallen, its noise exploding, then—silence.
Afterwards… I heard you crying. I could not move. There was something bigger than my awareness being born in the other room through your bewildered sobbing. It was as if a blessed scalpel was cutting up your chest and putting there the heart that belongs to you… .I was unable to move to see what was happening in the other room. I knew, however, that a distant homeland was being born again; hills, plains, olive groves, dead people, torn banners and folded ones, all cutting their way into a future of flesh and blood and being born n the heart of another child… . Do not believe that man grows. No; he is born suddenly—a word, in a moment, penetrates his heart to a new throb. One scene can hurl him down from the ceiling of childhood on to the ruggedness of the road.“
for the love of god, do not use chores to punish your kids!!!! it’s just going to make them struggle deeply to keep their houses tidy as adults since you made them associate necessary chores with punishment and suffering, and it’s going to take years of therapy to undo. don’t use chores as punishments!!!
oh man all these people having the horrifying realisation in the tags on why they struggle so bad with chores is breaking my heart
im giving everyone in the tags a hug if thats okay im so sorry
for the redditors coming here, this is how we spread news of important events in the world, with a Destiel meme
For everybody who’s been here a while and felt like Wiley E. Coyote just after running off the edge of the cliff when they scrolled down to find nothing below
I’m sorry but that is the funniest fucking reblog and edit I’ve seen in my life
My partner and I cancelled our Adobe accounts today because of this. Imagine if makers of physical art media had the right to pilfer your sketchbooks because you used their pencils and paints. That’s basically what Adobe is trying to foist on everyone.
mormons undoubtedly in the top 5 worst things the united states has ever invented which is really saying something
sorry that sometimes when I stay up too late I start posting abt how much I hate mormonism but the spirit just moves me to do it
like the mormon church is just such a perfect microcosm of everything wrong with christianity as it’s practiced among the american right wing. everything abt it is so disgusting. one of the most utterly repulsive spectacles of racism, misogyny, and bigotry to ever leave a stain on the earth
Bringing this back because there’s been a bit of a push from Mormon influencers to normalize Mormonism, and as an exmormon I’m here to say fuck that
Do not allow the LDS Church to rebrand itself as some kind of harmless quirky church that just has a few silly rules. It’s a fucking cult that brainwashes its members and actively harms marginalized people. Mormonism deserves every ounce of hate it receives and then some
yeah i appreciate the sentiment man but i still feel worthless so idk what to tell you
Listen. Listen.
You don’t have to feel like it’s true. You don’t have to believe it. It doesn’t matter. I sure as hell didn’t. Don’t, even. Present-tense, some days. All the “it gets better” shit sounds like crap, and it never really stops sounding a bit phony, but here’s the thing:
“Better” doesn’t mean happy-go-lucky perfect, on top of the world forever and always. It just means “better”. One day you’re walking to a bus stop in the freezing rain after a bad day and realize you’re actually kind of glad you didn’t die in your sleep when you wanted to. You catch yourself excited for something and it surprises you, cause you didn’t think you could still feel excitement anymore. You fuck something up and manage to shrug it off instead of hating yourself, and you notice.
So you feel worthless. You’re probably gonna feel worthless for a long time. You’re probably gonna feel worthless tomorrow, and the day after that, and a week from now. Maybe in a month, or a year.
But, and speaking as a 🌟 clinically depressed nightmare🌟, that feeling isn’t real.
We invented the concept of “value” and “worth”, so it’s not a fact of the universe. It’s not an objective truth. If there is no cosmic force that’s decided you alone are special and the best, then there’s also no faceless void that has chosen you to be the worst.
You’ve been birthed into the cosmos without your consent and all you’re really obligated to do at the end of the day is keep your body running so you can fuck around. That’s it.
And step one of having fun with it is not regurgitating the self-hating crap your brain likes to generate.
Yeah, it feels true, but it isn’t, and saying it out loud or writing it down or reading it over and over again on a screen isn’t going to do anything but force you further into that belief.
I like to say I’m fantastic. I’m godlike. I’ve never done anything wrong and I’m never gonna die. I’m the big dick wizard of sexy man Nation and my grilled cheese could make the pope weep.
Is it true? Fuck no. But it’s fun, and it makes me laugh at myself, and if I’m gonna say things that aren’t true then why say things that feel like shit? Why not feel better?
So yeah, actually, I may have fucked up with that edit. Here’s a better one:
Always remember that you have an IQ of a billion, an ass that is the objectively ideal size for your ass to be, and you’re stronger than God and going to fuck the moon.
ALT
ALT
