I think the funniest dynamic for arranged-marriage royalty would be a queen who came here 100% prepared to murder her future husband and rule as a widow queen in her own right, only to discover that the king is autistic as hell and responds to her wish to rule with “oh thank god please do, I don’t want to be bothered by these people. I can just tell them to go bother you instead, if you really want that. I’ve got beetles I wanted to study.”
“I’m really not good at it,” the king admits with horrible, aching grief. The country is in disarray. Peasants go hungry. Nobles trade power amongst themselves with impunity.
So the queen takes over and ruthlessly sets things to rights. Fires several generals, hangs nobles, redirects wealth to the peasantry. It isn’t long before the first assassination attempt, which she expected.
She did not expect her docile, beetle-obsessed husband to go absolutely feral and fling himself at the assassins wielding a pair of sharp knives.
Also, the beetles are intended to attack and kill a certain type of invasive worm that has been killing off the gourd and potato crops for decades. He’s been trying since he was a child to crossbreed several native species to be hardier and better diggers. When he finally gets it right it’s all over for you bitches (“you bitches” being mass starvation of subsistence farmers).
say what u want about the manscaped ads I know they are shit, all of them but the “evil, sinister, malcontent, balls” one puts me into fucking hysterics actually
wordle and bts may seem like they have nothing in common but both have been cited by redditors as the reason why their elderly relative quit watching fox news and started acting normal again
love wins i think
you can hate wordle or bts as much as you like, but in the time honored words of a long gone tumblr user: “shit dude whatever works I guess”
It’s almost like our elderly suffer from extreme loneliness and mental degradation and introducing them to a community based around something positive (music, a fun little game) rather than an endless pit of paranoia and giving them something to stimulate their brain and regrow neurons(you can repair your brain at any age as long as you give it stimulation, like music, or puzzles) will help them recover from what can only be described as a soul sucking addiction
seeing yall pass around that incredibly misleading post about the boeing ceo or whatever. like. no he didnt admit to killing them. he admitted that he knows the company is retaliating. meaning like. firing or denying raises promotions etc. that kind of stuff. he did not admit in front of congress to his company deliberately having anyone killed.
is what happened to the whistleblowers who died suspect? yeah. is this admission still pretty damning? yeah, especially when you’re already under investigation.
is it anything close to what the post makes it out to be? absolutely not.
you guys continue to piss on the poor like its going out of style
me most of the time: i don’t think my last fic needed such extensive cws at the start of each chapter. like calm down, stick to the basics, people are infinitely varied and you can’t warn for everything that might ever bother someone
me when the post new work page is open: and then in the fourteenth paragraph there’s a mention of blood and then eight paragraphs later it’s ambiguously implied that the characters may have theoretically had sex at one point in the past and then
cute ways to remind your boyfriend that your birthday is coming up and you would like to spend your special day with him by exploiting your local watering hole’s insane “get your age in free [food item] on your birthday” promotion:
occasional reminder that i own a cricut that i use almost exclusively for evil
we are going to be fashionable for my birthday celebration
>i sit on a throne and people come up to me one by one displaying different items
>with each item i yell out “yonic” or “phallic” and then wave them away to a door to the left or right of me (depending on whether its yonic or phallic)
>guy comes up with an item thats too difficult to label as yonic or phalic
>i pull a lever to the right of me that opens a trap door under his feet sending him to fall miles down to his death as we are in my floating cloud castle
me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit
mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters
me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU
My absolute hottest take is that, from a culturally relative perspective, no food is bad. None of it. It’s an expression of culture, art, history, ecology, material conditions, subjective taste. It’s all inedible pap to somebody and the taste of childhood for someone else. Americans be eating cheesed burger. Pea wet is as good as gravy in Wigan. The French eat snails and the Inuit eat seal, the Germans eat sauerkraut and the Russians drink kvass, the Inca ate cavy and the Romans ate flamingo. People around the world have been eagerly awaiting their serving of simple bread or thin porridge or fermented milk product or pickled whatever-the-fuck since we learned to cook food over fire. We all love the slop we grew up eating. Food is a reflection of millennia of culture and loving human artistic expression. Attempting to extrapolate largely harmless online food banter into actual serious comparative rankings or half-baked critical analyses of cultures based on how much you subjectively don’t like what they eat is a miserable way to live. Live a little. Peace and love on the only planet with food.
This is a post of critical support for bland English cuisine and unhinged Brazilian pizzas and everything else I don’t understand. Turning food, something literally every person on earth enjoys, into a moral or cultural judgement is, well, if it’s not full-blown reactionary and parochial… then it’s at least kind of nasty, huh?
cookie clicker caused me to get measurably worse grades in one specific class and tbh that was a good thing because it meant i stayed at university an extra year which meant one of my new friends could tell me she was trans which meant i learnt what being trans was which meant i got an answer for the GNAWING EMPTINESS THAT FED UPON MY SOUL and then i transitioned and my life almost immediately stopped being the worst thing ever and i started liking it.
cookie clicker made me trans i hope ur happy (u should be)
US states where a popular adult website will be blocked as of July 1, 2024
Fucking horrifying how many people in the notes think this is a good thing. Like yeah, I’m sure that this time conservatives are actually concerned about the children. Absolutely no other reason at play here. Its never a red flag when the government wants your id to police your sexual habits. That’s never been dangerous to the queer comminity, or anyone else. Yall are disturbingly easy to brainwash into going along with fascist bullshit.
To put it short:
people in the notes are fucking insane. think for five fucking seconds, you fucking dumbasses. your puritan asses are celebrating pornhub being banned, but this sets a precedent for the government to ban any website for any reason and require your own government ID to access anything. this is the beginning of the end of online privacy. why the fuck should the government decide what you can and can’t access?
