I recently started working in hospitality, and I’ll tell you guys right now, the trope of “there was only one bed” is not as rare as you’d think in real life. A few times a week, at least, I have guys come in who are working together on projects in town or passing through who have to literally book the last room I have available for the night and lo and behold — there is only one bed, and guess what, they give each other a side-eyed look and begrudgingly take it. So write it up, it happens all the time!!!
Never let your There Was Only One Bed dreams die. I was secretly in love with my best friend for over a year when she graduated and moved to Oklahoma (like 1000 miles away) for grad school. Between that travel restrictions, we were so scared we’d never see eachother again.
At the end of summer, when Covid numbers were at a lower point, I took the risk to visit her in her new apartment and I quickly realized that, unlike when I’d spent the night at her house before, the couch wasn’t made up like a bed. She explained that since her new couch was so fancy and pink, I couldn’t possibly sleep on it, and so I needed to sleep in the bed with her. You know, out of necessity. I woke up with her snuggled around me in the middle of the night.
We’re dating now, and I genuinely think I’m going to marry her. Just the other day, though, I mentioned that if she hadn’t been weird about her fancy couch, I probably never would have like confessed my feelings. AND THEN she stood up, took the cushions off the fancy couch, UNFOLDED IT INTO A HIDE-A-BED, and said “I KNOW.”
THIS GIRL. ORCHESTRATED. BED SCARCITY. JUST SO SHE COULD MAKE THE “ONLY ONE BED” EXCUSE. Y’all when I said I just about lost my goddamn mind, I just about lost my goddamn mind. I love this sneaky bitch so much and the moral of this story is BE THE ONE BED YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.
Fanfic imitates life, and life imitates fanfic. It’s full circle really.
oh my god
there was only one bed
but it was STAGED
I love this so much
New Fanfic Trope Unlocked!!!!!
AU:There was only one bed - by design👀
Fake dating or only one bed?
Fake only one bed
THE TROPE HAS LEVELED UP
“orchestrated bed scarcity” is my new favorite phrase
Shoutout to one of my favorite fanfics where the wingman breaks a bed to pieces to manufacture an “only one bed” scenario. Good lookin out buddy
So… we’re heading for an era of extreme reactionary backlash.
The question is it going to be like 1980’s style or 1930’s style.
We shit on rainbow capitalism (as we should), but it is a good indicator of social acceptance of LGBTQ people. When brands are loud and proud about how much the support gay people(’s money), it means the social conditions have moved in our favor and the potential backlash is weak.
Right now, the power is shifting back to the fascists. That’s bad.
So… we’re heading for an era of extreme reactionary backlash.
The question is it going to be like 1980’s style or 1930’s style.
We shit on rainbow capitalism (as we should), but it is a good indicator of social acceptance of LGBTQ people. When brands are loud and proud about how much the support gay people(’s money), it means the social conditions have moved in our favor and the potential backlash is weak.
Right now, the power is shifting back to the fascists. That’s bad.
The “need” in society to have rich people running around is mostly for entertainment value.
Let’s say someone who earns $20 million a year due to some really popular product she invented and maybe some smart investments.
This person will never be a billionaire
BUT she will be a fun person to have around on some dumb TV show
“Oh yeah I bought myself a second yacht this year 😅. They’re kind of a guilty pleasure of mine so I thought I’d splurge”
She’s not rich enough to get around paying her taxes, which means she’s probably giving 10-15 million a year or more straight to the government as taxes.
Now, she’s paying the people who build the yacht, keeping them in business. They hire tradespeople and artists to make her ship nice, and those people go on to further stimulate the economy by spending the paychecks they earned building her yacht
She buys houses, clothes, cars, puts her kids through expensive classes, and sets aside a little nest egg so she can retire in comfort and her kids can go to school
That’s not so bad. She’s probably on TV shows talking about how fun it is being rich and everything. Maybe she gives some money to charity and people kinda wanna be like her.
You know what we don’t need?
Someone rich enough to, instead of buying a car, buys the entire car manufacturer
We don’t need someone who has enough money to stop paying their taxes and then pretend they still do.
We don’t need someone who can spend a million dollars in a day and have it replaced that same day.
Spending money SHOULD hurt. Or make you feel SOMETHING.
If you’re collecting money so goddamn fast that you literally can’t spend it fast enough to ever see your bank account go down, we don’t fucking need you.
If you’re collecting that much money, your bank account should just be a wide open door where people can rob you all they want because you won’t even notice anyway.
Are you a billionaire reading this? Give me ten million dollars and I’ll think about shutting up. I won’t, but I’ll think about it.
You’re gonna have to give ten million to every other person reading this though cuz they’re probably not gonna shut up either.
You know what? Actually it’d probably just be easier to PAY YOUR DAMN TAXES. That would get a lot of us to shut up.
Try it. You might like it
Friend, I appreciate the faith you are showing me, but I don’t know if any post of mine has ever been past maybe 200 notes. 10k is a beautiful dream, but a dream nonetheless
The “need” in society to have rich people running around is mostly for entertainment value.
Let’s say someone who earns $20 million a year due to some really popular product she invented and maybe some smart investments.
This person will never be a billionaire
BUT she will be a fun person to have around on some dumb TV show
“Oh yeah I bought myself a second yacht this year 😅. They’re kind of a guilty pleasure of mine so I thought I’d splurge”
She’s not rich enough to get around paying her taxes, which means she’s probably giving 10-15 million a year or more straight to the government as taxes.
Now, she’s paying the people who build the yacht, keeping them in business. They hire tradespeople and artists to make her ship nice, and those people go on to further stimulate the economy by spending the paychecks they earned building her yacht
She buys houses, clothes, cars, puts her kids through expensive classes, and sets aside a little nest egg so she can retire in comfort and her kids can go to school
That’s not so bad. She’s probably on TV shows talking about how fun it is being rich and everything. Maybe she gives some money to charity and people kinda wanna be like her.
You know what we don’t need?
Someone rich enough to, instead of buying a car, buys the entire car manufacturer
We don’t need someone who has enough money to stop paying their taxes and then pretend they still do.
We don’t need someone who can spend a million dollars in a day and have it replaced that same day.
Spending money SHOULD hurt. Or make you feel SOMETHING.
If you’re collecting money so goddamn fast that you literally can’t spend it fast enough to ever see your bank account go down, we don’t fucking need you.
If you’re collecting that much money, your bank account should just be a wide open door where people can rob you all they want because you won’t even notice anyway.
Are you a billionaire reading this? Give me ten million dollars and I’ll think about shutting up. I won’t, but I’ll think about it.
You’re gonna have to give ten million to every other person reading this though cuz they’re probably not gonna shut up either.
You know what? Actually it’d probably just be easier to PAY YOUR DAMN TAXES. That would get a lot of us to shut up.
Try it. You might like it
Friend, I appreciate the faith you are showing me, but I don’t know if any post of mine has ever been past maybe 200 notes. 10k is a beautiful dream, but a dream nonetheless
Hey so this just passed 400 and I’m not sure why.
But luckily 400 is still nothing so I probably got nothing to worry about.
The “need” in society to have rich people running around is mostly for entertainment value.
Let’s say someone who earns $20 million a year due to some really popular product she invented and maybe some smart investments.
This person will never be a billionaire
BUT she will be a fun person to have around on some dumb TV show
“Oh yeah I bought myself a second yacht this year 😅. They’re kind of a guilty pleasure of mine so I thought I’d splurge”
She’s not rich enough to get around paying her taxes, which means she’s probably giving 10-15 million a year or more straight to the government as taxes.
Now, she’s paying the people who build the yacht, keeping them in business. They hire tradespeople and artists to make her ship nice, and those people go on to further stimulate the economy by spending the paychecks they earned building her yacht
She buys houses, clothes, cars, puts her kids through expensive classes, and sets aside a little nest egg so she can retire in comfort and her kids can go to school
That’s not so bad. She’s probably on TV shows talking about how fun it is being rich and everything. Maybe she gives some money to charity and people kinda wanna be like her.
You know what we don’t need?
Someone rich enough to, instead of buying a car, buys the entire car manufacturer
We don’t need someone who has enough money to stop paying their taxes and then pretend they still do.
We don’t need someone who can spend a million dollars in a day and have it replaced that same day.
Spending money SHOULD hurt. Or make you feel SOMETHING.
If you’re collecting money so goddamn fast that you literally can’t spend it fast enough to ever see your bank account go down, we don’t fucking need you.
If you’re collecting that much money, your bank account should just be a wide open door where people can rob you all they want because you won’t even notice anyway.
Are you a billionaire reading this? Give me ten million dollars and I’ll think about shutting up. I won’t, but I’ll think about it.
You’re gonna have to give ten million to every other person reading this though cuz they’re probably not gonna shut up either.
You know what? Actually it’d probably just be easier to PAY YOUR DAMN TAXES. That would get a lot of us to shut up.
Try it. You might like it
Friend, I appreciate the faith you are showing me, but I don’t know if any post of mine has ever been past maybe 200 notes. 10k is a beautiful dream, but a dream nonetheless
Hey so this just passed 400 and I’m not sure why.
But luckily 400 is still nothing so I probably got nothing to worry about.
i’m going crazy over all the pink dogwood trees in bloom right now
somebody tagged this #sakura even though i say right in the post that it’s dogwood. sakura means cherry blossoms. this tree doesn’t grow cherries (it grows dogs)
sometimes you guys are extremely strange but i have to forgive you because to me mutualship is like catholic marriage where you have to put up with weird bullshit forever amd you cant get a divorce no matter what
Does anyone want to hear how I ended up using soap made of my betrothed’s exes breast milk?
Like most stories it’s actually less funny than the stinger makes it sound, but I did just remember it lately and think huh, that’s strange, I guess?
So my betrothed’s exes are now married to each other. This story is about North. She and her husband have a baby together. These people are family to us, so that little girl is our niece and we love the shit out of her. Her name is Zelda.
When she was born it turned out Zelda would not, under any circumstances, drink milk that had been pumped. It was really weird, she’d nurse just fine but when offered bottles she’d just cry and cry.
North pumped religiously trying to find some method of actually using this excess milk, but Zelda remained adamant. North researched the phenomena after months of trying, and pumping, and stockpiling, and freezing. Some breast milk apparently has enzymes that turn it sour on contact with air? Or some variety of: the second the milk hit the air it became disgusting.
So then North had a freezer full of breast milk the baby wouldn’t drink. I think even after finding out that her milk couldn’t be consumed she had to keep pumping cause a baby only drinks so much. She didn’t want to waste all the milk, but the baby was no help at all. She did what any reasonable person would do, and googled ways to dispose of excess breast milk. There’s co-ops for breast milk, but no baby was gonna want her milk, as Zelda had proved.
That’s when things got. A little less mainstream. Some people suggested making cheese from it. That’s a real thing. Breast milk cheese. But again, North was pretty sure her milk would not taste very good, so she dove deeper.
Her husband did regularly drink kefir, and he wasn’t afraid of stinky milk so he decided to try to make kefir out of it. But breast milk is a fucking beast, and it was so antimicrobial that it killed all his bacteria. He attempted to boil it and break down the proteins and not only did it smell rank but it still killed his kefir.
What she eventually found was soap. It turns out that breast milk makes amazing soap, it has tons of good skin properties and doesn’t go bad. More importantly no one would have to consume it.
But North had. A lot of milk. When faced with the prospect of waste milk or make soap, North grabbed soap making by the throat and made it her bitch. She bought molds, stocked up her essential oils, and went to work.
She made piles and piles of soap, because again, there was so much milk. At a certain point she goes, “Hey, do you guys want soap? One thing though, it’s made of my breast milk.”
And we did have a moment of like. Hm. That’s weird, but is it? It’s soap, it’ll smell nice, it’ll be good for our skin. Sure.
So then, being a lovely thoughtful person, she customized soaps for us with scents we specifically favored. It arrived in a massive box, all wrapped up and pretty, and we had to store them in the freezer until we were ready to use them cause they were a little melty by nature but man it was good soap. It smelled lovely, she got great scents into them.
They lasted us about a year and I was pretty bummed when they ran out.
I GOT PICTURES!! Look how fucking beautiful this soap is!
She’d never done this before but she just made this gorgeous artisanal quality soap.
For scope, here’s a PILE of the soap she made and this wasn’t even all of it.
BUT THE BEST PART! Is that they still have a ton of it and she’s gonna share more and I’m ecstatic.
Happy Mother’s Day, here’s my friends breast milk soap.
For people who can’t see the image for some reason:
It’s a “Dear Abby” column, published in 1995. The letter writer, “Not Looking for a Girlfriend in New Jersey,” identifies as a 53 year old male virgin with no interest in either women or men, despite coworkers having assumptions that his lack of a family means he must be gay.
This man expresses no concern about his situation (other than the presumed exhaustion at being continually misidentified), and suggests he was writing simply so other people could see that “a man who had no interest in sex” exists.
Abby blows it out of the ballpark with her response:
People who have no sexual feelings are called “asexual.” Since it doesn’t appear to bother you, it should present no problem. You are accountable to no one except yourself [emphasis mine].
Here we have the bastion of middle American, the “nice White lady with all the answers”, normalizing this man’s experience and literally telling him to ignore the haters. Pre Millennium. She even calmly supplies this man with the language to identify himself, since he seems not to have encountered it before; that must have been so empowering for him, to have a word for his experience and identity, and to hear that others shared it.
Everyone, you are valid, and your identity is accountable to no one except yourself.
my family is fucking addicted to macgyvering and it’s becoming a problem. every time something in this house breaks, instead of doing the sensible thing of replacing it or calling someone qualified to fix it, we all group around the offending object with a manic look in our eyes and everyone gets a try at fixing it while being cheered on or ridiculed by the rest.
it’s a beautiful bonding activity, but the “creative” fixes have turned our house into a quasihaunted escape room like contraption where everything works, but only in the wonkiest of ways. you need a huge block of iron to turn on the stove. the oven only works if a specific clock is plugged in. the bread machine has a huge wood block just stapled to it that has become foundational to its function. sometimes when you use the toaster the doorbell rings. and that’s just the kitchen.
it’s all fun and games until you have guests over and you have to lay out the rules of the house like it’s a fucking board game. welcome to the beautiful guest room. don’t pull out the couch yourself you need a screwdriver for that, and that metal rod makes the lamp work so don’t move it. it also made me a terrifying roommate in college, because it makes me think i can fix anything with enough hubris and a drill. you want to call the landlord about a leaky faucet? as if. one time my dad made me install a new power socket because we ran our of extension cords
to the people saying this isn’t safe in the tags: my dad has a engineering degree and my brother is a mechanic this is like. state sanctioned macgyvering. safe sane and consensual macgyvering. our house will not burn down. in fact, i think it has made us all better in approaching problems from all angles when they arise, which has served me well in life, especially in high stress situations.
does our hot water switch off every thirty seconds making showers an exiting exercise in counting and resilience? yes. but one time the door of the train toilet broke, trapping me inside, and i went “well i can either succumb to the panic of claustrophobia or do this family-style” and then spent twenty minutes breaking down the lock with my shoelace and the belt i was wearing. so i’ll take the cold water any day
Never have I wanted to see inside a stranger’s home more
being the most left leaning family member means everyone will always think that youre insane and then in two years they will believe what you were explaining to them two years ago but still think youre insane now. and you do it anywaybecause you love them
mothers day cards: hey queen 👸😋! thank you for cooking 🍳 and cleaning 🧽🧹🧺 and shopping 🛍🛒 and taking care of our health insurance 🙊⚕️and just being a great beautiful lady! 🥰❤️ we love you so much mom!!!
Well you see minors under 25 years old should not be allowed to get gender reassignment surgery because what if they go to the clinic but instead of giving them a normal penis the nurses mess up and give them the evil penis. That’s irreversible
hey reminder to continue boycotting eurovision and instead turn your eyes on gaza where the last media outlet al jazeera has just been shut down so that Israel can launch its attack on the most densely populated area in the world without scrutiny. Dont stop talking about Palestine
the way my partner talks about my ocd is so hilariously on point. for context, i experience a lot of verbal compulsions (feeling like i Have to Say a Certain Thing to magically fix another) and he just told me. “most of the time it’s easy to spot a compulsion cause literally nobody asked”
i’ll tell him that i want to watch a movie and then I’ll specify out loud “you do not have to comply with my wish, but it was good to freely express it just as it is good for you to freely refute it” and he will look at me dead in the eye and say “who asked. compulsion”. it’s just brutal
this is genuinely such good OCD treatment partnership though. acknowledging the compulsion & refusing to participate in the OCD narrative & reassurance loop. we love to see informed support.
The look on my boyfriend’s face when I read this to him tells me I’m going to be hearing “Who asked? Compulsion.” a LOT.
