Relationships that have real king/lionheart energy, that whole “I have sworn myself wholly to you, I am your sword arm, I am your dog” to someone else’s “you are the one person in this world I can rely on, and I am both bolstered and burdened by your absolute faith in me” vibe, but it’s in circumstances that are like. so low stakes. Manager of a movie theater/the one usher who doesn’t smoke weed at work.
Obviously people tag this with fictional characters who match this dynamic, but I have to say I am OBSESSED with everyone who is like “this is me for real in actual life. I would die for you, assistant manager brenda.”
Jessie and James always get this kind of treatment anyway but it’s fucking priceless that they also came for Ash -AND- Pikachu.
meowth confirmed to have all of team rockets brain cells
I was gonna joke about the team cat being the smart one but then I remembered that he’s a pokemon who learned English through eavesdropping and sheer force of will and is therefore a genius.
Jessie and James always get this kind of treatment anyway but it’s fucking priceless that they also came for Ash -AND- Pikachu.
meowth confirmed to have all of team rockets brain cells
I was gonna joke about the team cat being the smart one but then I remembered that he’s a pokemon who learned English through eavesdropping and sheer force of will and is therefore a genius.
Relationships that have real king/lionheart energy, that whole “I have sworn myself wholly to you, I am your sword arm, I am your dog” to someone else’s “you are the one person in this world I can rely on, and I am both bolstered and burdened by your absolute faith in me” vibe, but it’s in circumstances that are like. so low stakes. Manager of a movie theater/the one usher who doesn’t smoke weed at work.
Obviously people tag this with fictional characters who match this dynamic, but I have to say I am OBSESSED with everyone who is like “this is me for real in actual life. I would die for you, assistant manager brenda.”
I resent the inevitable consequences the second law of thermodynamics has on my tea and the entropy of the universe. It always happens too damn soon.
The hell do you mean “use a tea light” you’re telling me those things can be used to heat tea???
Fam I’ve been lied to and deceived
Wait please what are you being told, this has raised many questions about tea lights for me.
Apparently the way you’re supposed to use tea lights is like this
Which no one ever told me is possible or exists and might now become my villain origin story after suffering years of cold tea
I’m sorry they’re what
They heat tea. They heat tea because they’re tea lights. They’re named that way because they’re literally devices to keep your tea warm and somehow no one has ever told me this and they’re tea lights to heat tea and I might just—[CENSORED]
I’m glad we’re all having a normal one today folks
i have a disgusting amount of dreams that just involve me identifying birds like i come out of my dreams with lists of birds that i saw and i was like “i know who that is. Great Blue Heron. Cedar Waxwing”
I (??? M) am a god that lives in a parallel dimension to earth. Once a year I can walk on earth in one stretch of woods in one town. My loyal followers give me food on that day, in the form of human sacrifice! Some people say I’m wrong for this but it’s not technically cannibalism
Besides, the sacrifices are always the most powerful hungry so most of them have killed before
music is entirely subjective and it’s literally impossible for anyone to have ‘incorrect’ opinions on what is and what isnt a good song. except for people who disagree with me personally, who are in a unique position to be Wrong. btw
nasa: we’re going to shoot three rockets directly at the sun during the total eclipse. for study and research purposes.
me: oh cool
nasa: we have named the rockets apep. this stands for atmospheric perturbations [in the] eclipse path.
me: oh cool
nasa: apep is also the ancient egyptian deity of chaos and darkness, who ceaselessly seeks to extinguish the sun. we launch these rockets directly at the sun in the name of apep.
Mundane America. Broken pole with rope and an American Flag. Cincinnati, Ohio.
Wait. Wait.
Wait.
I know that telephone pole.
I know that telephone pole intimately because I’m the one who broke it.
Thats the pole next to Sycamore Jr. High, in between the jr high school and Pipkins, where I had my second car accident. A woman t-boned my car and drove me into that pole in 2008 and it took them years to actually take it down.
That black metal pole you see just beyond the broken phone pole is a “Now Leaving/Welcome To Blue Ash, Ohio” sign, visible at 5520 Cooper Road on google maps.
(the flag is there, btw, because its the starting point for the Blue Ash/Montgomery July 4th parade.)
The internet is so staggeringly immense that I can’t help but be disproportionately delighted when things like this happen.
i have a disgusting amount of dreams that just involve me identifying birds like i come out of my dreams with lists of birds that i saw and i was like “i know who that is. Great Blue Heron. Cedar Waxwing”
I (??? M) am a god that lives in a parallel dimension to earth. Once a year I can walk on earth in one stretch of woods in one town. My loyal followers give me food on that day, in the form of human sacrifice! Some people say I’m wrong for this but it’s not technically cannibalism
Besides, the sacrifices are always the most powerful hungry so most of them have killed before
Mundane America. Broken pole with rope and an American Flag. Cincinnati, Ohio.
Wait. Wait.
Wait.
I know that telephone pole.
I know that telephone pole intimately because I’m the one who broke it.
Thats the pole next to Sycamore Jr. High, in between the jr high school and Pipkins, where I had my second car accident. A woman t-boned my car and drove me into that pole in 2008 and it took them years to actually take it down.
That black metal pole you see just beyond the broken phone pole is a “Now Leaving/Welcome To Blue Ash, Ohio” sign, visible at 5520 Cooper Road on google maps.
(the flag is there, btw, because its the starting point for the Blue Ash/Montgomery July 4th parade.)
The internet is so staggeringly immense that I can’t help but be disproportionately delighted when things like this happen.
nasa: we’re going to shoot three rockets directly at the sun during the total eclipse. for study and research purposes.
me: oh cool
nasa: we have named the rockets apep. this stands for atmospheric perturbations [in the] eclipse path.
me: oh cool
nasa: apep is also the ancient egyptian deity of chaos and darkness, who ceaselessly seeks to extinguish the sun. we launch these rockets directly at the sun in the name of apep.
#watching this monkey peel of the stringy bits#drop them on the baby’s head#meticulously remove them#and clean off the stump#then wolf down that banana#is just really great#like a fussy little person
seeing how familiar monkeys’ mannerisms are makes me desperately wish I’d been around when there were other species of humans
[a video shows an adult monkey with a young one sitting with her. She is meticulously opening and eating a banana, removing the strings as she does so, which then fall onto the fidgeting baby. She picks them of the baby too.
The image shows a tweet from mar @nasacertified who says: “they don’t like the stringy bits on bananas either!!!! I don’t know what I’m going to do with this info yet but it makes me happy to know.” end descriptions]
Just saw Princess Twilight walking down the street carrying a book titled “boiling eggs for dummies” I love this town
they can erect a magic fuckin castle from asunder, but they cant fix the potholes in the road what tf
Just got my cutie mark my ass is NOT continuing the family business lmaoooo
Being a lawyer is so wild because sometimes you will go into a case where the defendant’s cutie mark is literally a 1 for 1 photograph of the crime scene and you’d expect that to just be like catching a check but no the defense will say some nonsense like “a cutie mark cannot prove a pony guilty beyond a reasonable doubt” and like sure in most cases but this guy’s has the date the crime was committed in the corner. So anyways now I’ve gotta go into court for the second day of the most open and shut case of my life because the defendant pulled the “his calling could’ve been to help us find the real culprit in this case” card like that’s ever gonna happen.
edit: I really messed this one up everypony, he super did help us find the real culprit and is opening a private investigation agency. I feel like a real dummy right about now.
The best possible landlord is still a landlord, and stands at the top of a steep incline
He gives you a house for free that you never have to pay back for. He’s not a fucking landlord he’s a real estate agent you dimwitted radioactive mushroom. You’re never gonna get “evicted” you have complete sovereignty over your land, can place anything and everything you can fit in the space, put up whatever decorations paint jobs and wallpapers you want. The only downside is if you want to make a large purchase from HIS STORE you gotta pay off the last large purchase (you can still buy mailboxes and fences and nice cobblestone paths)His entire backstory is that he got his heart broken by capitalism and decided to move to a small town and give people affordable housing and affordable upgrades to said housing.
And the house? The money you don’t even have to pay unless you want HIM to expand your house for you?
18,400 bells
For reference a single apple sells for 100 bells
Which means you pay for a house (really you are paying for the upgrade) for the same price as 15 dozen apples.
You are literally buying a house for the same price as 15. Dozen. Apples
Let’s put that in perspective to say. America. A honeycrisp apple at Kroger costs 1.70 each on average meaning a dozen costs around 20 dollars. Meaning the price of a house in Tom Nooks store (that once again you never even have to pay back) is equivalent to a whopping 306 dollars.
That’s it. To pay off a house and let you get renovations you have to pay less than a single months rent at any apartment.
Go throw a pie in someone’s face since you want to be a clown.
Found this one that checks all the boxes on r/boomerhumor.
Wow
Weirdest experience I ever had with this is with a customer at work.
It’s not an uncommon occurrence for men in their 40s and 50s to refer to their wives as “old bags”, so whenever I do the whole “Would you like a bag” spiel, there’s a 50/50 chance they will point to their wife and say “No thanks I have one right here” or say “Nah I left her at home” Or something else awful and then wink at me and call me darling or sweetheart and just make me want to be smited by god right in that second.
However there was one customer that came in and did this whole song and dance. Not out of the ordinary. What was, however, was how he then followed it up by going “I’m kidding, I’m divorced ha ha.” Then, his face drops and he turns to his friend with a look of absolute horror and goes “Wait, that’s probably why. Do you think that’s why she left me Andy? Because I said things like that?” And then proceeded to look like he was re-evaluating his whole life as his friend led him out of the store.
TL; DR = Boomers are weird and this one was given a glimpse behind the veil of self awareness in a Tesco Extra
i have such a profound hate for stories that go ‘what if just some guy like literally just some guy was thrown into these horrible circumstances with huge stakes’ and then take it back and go 'haha he is not just some guy, he’s the specialest little boy in the planet, last in a long line of specialest little boys, it was in his blood all along’
Such love for stories that go 'what if some guy was the specialest little boy on the planet and thrown into these horrible circumstances with huge stakes’ and then go 'actually you were just some guy all along, they lied about you being special because it was convenient. But you’re in the situation now so buck up, Some Guy.’
everybody just latched onto “terf = enemy” and then never again put any thought into why that is, and what transmisogyny is, so they just make a big deal out of being an anti-terf instead of understanding the problem in the first place
Some stuff to know:
TERF - Trans Excluding/Erasing Radical Feminist:
Someone who believes that trans women are not women and don’t belong in women’s spaces. They believe that trans women are predatory cis men pretending to be women in order to have sex with lesbians.
SWERF - Sex Worker Excluding/Erasing Radical Feminist:
Someone who believes that sex workers (those who make money from pornography or prostitution) are not feminist / not valuable / should not be welcome in feminist / women’s spaces. They believe that women participating in pornography or prostitution are upholding patriarchy and damaging the feminist movement.
Truscum aka transmedicalists:
Someone who believes that you must experience body dysphoria in order to be trans. They also tend to be attached to the gender binary and erase or exclude anyone who does not conform to a male / female gender identity (genderfluid, non-binary, agender, bi-gender, etc)
Ace exclusionists:
Someone who believes that ace-spectrum people are not inherently LGBTQ+ and do not belong in LGBTQ+ spaces. They see ace people as secretly cis/straight invaders and leeches to LGBTQ+ programs and resources. They also tend to believe that the definition of LGBTQ+ centres around those who experience discrimination for same-sex attraction, and therefore ace folk do not belong.
Trans women are women. Non-medical trnas people are trans. Ace people are LGBTQIA+.
I respect neopronouns and even played a bit with them myself back in the day but I also think I need a pronunciation guide for some of them
You need to be prepared to answer the question “How do I pronounce that?” when you come up with your pronouns.
I’m not trying to discourage you from coming up with weird pronouns. Be yourself. Confuse the cis and whatnot. But like. Know how your own pronouns are pronounced if you want them used irl. I’ve come across people with neopronouns who had only ever used them online who didn’t have an answer when asked how you pronounce that. Don’t let this be you. Have an answer ready.
This is a good post and these tags are a great addition
i can’t decide if this is the single coolest girl in the world for making danger her middle name or the silliest for not seeing the raw power of “millipede danger” which is the greatest name i have ever heard
“If you have time to watch Netflix you have time for a side hustle” my side hustle is relaxing so that my body and brain can heal from by this nose-to-the-grindstone bullshit. I refuse to feel guilty for being a human with the need to relax sometimes. my side hustle is no.
whenever i hear about hustle culture i always think about this post on r/antiwork
“If you have time to watch Netflix you have time for a side hustle” my side hustle is relaxing so that my body and brain can heal from by this nose-to-the-grindstone bullshit. I refuse to feel guilty for being a human with the need to relax sometimes. my side hustle is no.
whenever i hear about hustle culture i always think about this post on r/antiwork
ten years from now there’s going to be a brand new type of emo girl whos posting dark edits of bluey saying swear words and doing xanax like they’ve been doing with hello kitty for decades now. and it’s gonna be awesome
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