babe wake up! new booktok nsfw censorship term just dropped
what if I couldn’t take it anymore?
Reminder to just say masturbation, sex, vagina, penis, menstruation, fuck, death, kill, boobs, dyke, faggot, etc. like a real adult.
reminder to everyone who doesnt use tiktok: you dont actually get banned for saying these words, people do this to evade others’ tag blockers.
a lot of users DONT want to see this kind of post, so people censor and change words around to get put on peoples “for you” page even if they have been marked as “not interested”. this is part of why it can get really difficult to find posts you actually like on tiktok, is because the algorithm is really bad at guessing that these posts are not actually about “self care”. the creators of these posts are hoping they get forced in front of people who want to see something else.
Oh that’s way worse than what I’d been led to believe was happening
@probablyautism thnx for remembering the weirdest tumblrina on the planet. also can u explain to ur local grandma what she has to do(apologies are afoot)
So tap on the link above my character and simply make your own it could be an OC or you or your sona, anything.
Wild how I keep returning to this goddamn post. @queermarzipan ball’s in your court babe.
It may still need help getting to 200,000.
Here’s Aziraphale in disguise:
And here’s a backstage shot of the Gentlemen in 1941 suits:
@tothechaos will you print and eat the entire post? If so, here is a long joke. Don’t choke:
A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people.
At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.
Before he faces his sentence, he’s offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him.
The next day, he’s led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and… nothing happens.
There’s never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free.
Within a week’s time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one.
He doesn’t care that he can’t drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people.
Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train.
His last meal request is a single banana. When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again.
The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it.
His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death.
They ask him what he’d like for his last meal. “A single banana,” he says.
“Oh, no you don’t, you son of a bitch. We’re on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and you’re not escaping this time!”
The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.
The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and… nothing happens.
“Did you give him the banana?” demands the head guard.
“No, sir! He asked for the banana but we didn’t give it to him, we swear!” says one of the guards.
Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. He was just a really bad conductor.
Quick! Gordon Ramsey has tasked you to come up with a new recipe with a rather special ingredient: ‘this trainwreck of a Tumblr post printed out on paper’. You don’t have much time as the exquisite guest will enter the doors of your fancy establishment the moment this post hits 200k notes. Come up with a recipe. Please provide detailed instructions.
Chaos Course Set Meal
Bespoke 9 course meal meant to be enjoyed by @tothechaos
Foreword:
As tasked by the prolific Gordan Ramsey, this 9 Course endeavour will feature the post in its entirety segmented into 9 delightfully ornate, unreasonably complex yet delectably unparalleled dishes. In the following, we’ll see how to prepare each of these dishes.
Course One
Dish name: 10k notes of Hubris
10k Notes of Hubris is a simple risotto with saffron infusion and forest mushrooms, topped with shavings of the top 9th piece of this post, printed in full colour, regular stock. Due to the nature of a 9 course setting, it is wise to start with a simpler dish.
Ingredients (serves four people):
1 teaspoon of saffron
300g carnaroli rice
50g extra virgin olive oil
20g butter
5g shallots
1l vegetable broth
parsley (to taste)
100g porcini mushrooms
80g portobello mushrooms
100g brown mushrooms
5g truffle oil
5g lemon peel and lemon juice
30g parmesan cheese
thyme (a dash)
5g garlic
A pinch of salt and pepper
The first 9th of this post, printed in full colour with regular stock.
Method:
In a saucepan, pour the oil and the chopped shallot(s), then add the rice and saffron and toast
Pour the broth a little at a time and cook slowly. Allow to cook before adding salt and black pepper. Stir in butter, grated parmesan cheese, chopped parsley, truffle oil, lemon juice and peel.
In a separate saucepan, cook the mushrooms with oil, garlic, thyme, salt and black pepper.
Presentation:
At the base of the dish pour the risotto, complete with forest mushrooms and basil leaves. Shave the printed top 9th of the post and sprinkle on top. Drizzle a dash of olive oil before serving.
The next dish and recipe of this 9 course meal, complete with the next 9th of the post printed and incorporated, will be presented by another chef.
i don’t what’s more wild to me, how much we are all working on giving someone ink poisoning or learning that @writing-prompt-s has @one-time-i-dreamt ’s phone number
I have been summoned many, many times
This post is already one of the most epic I have ever seen. Keep going!
The tumblr post equivalent of the fall of ceasar. Well can’t miss my turn with the knife.
because here’s the thing here’s the thing the question was not “would you be more surprised to run into a fairy or a walrus” the question was “would you be more surprised to find a fairy or a walrus AT YOUR DOOR” and while no, i do not believe in fairies and would be surprised to know they EXIST i would NOT be surprised to find one at my door. HOWEVER, if a WALRUS shows up at my door i have to contend with the fact that a walrus somehow made it to my apartment specifically and knocked on my door for god knows what reason. i would be more surprised to know that a fairy EXISTS, of course, but NOT that they’re at my door, do you get me?
helpful infographic
what did you say about my phallus
Motherf… listen.
Which of the two is more likely to…
- Exist?
Walrus <-
Fairy
- Thrive in a major metropolitan area?
Walrus
Fairy <-
- Have a motive that can be resolved by seeking out an unfamiliar human?
Walrus
Fairy <-
- Understand that knocking on a door is likely to make a human appear?
Walrus
Fairy <-
- Be able to knock?
Walrus
Fairy <-
- Be able to mislead people to the degree that the “common assumptions” about any of the above are incorrect?
Walrus
Fairy <-
Don’t get me wrong, I expect neither walruses nor fairies to knock on my door. But if surprise comes from unexpected outcomes, then here’s what I’m wrong about if a fairy can knock on my door:
- “I was wrong about fairies being mere folklore”
And here’s what I’m wrong about if a walrus can knock on my door:
- “I was wrong about where walruses tend to live”
- “I was wrong about how smart walruses are”
- “I was wrong about the driving forces that are likely to motivate a walrus”
- “I was wrong about how easy it is for a flipper to imitate the impact of a human knucklebone”
- “I was wrong about a walrus’s ability to wander around in public without causing a stir”
- “I was wrong about the level of danger city streets pose to walruses”
- “I was wrong about a walrus’s ability to navigate a city”
Your honor! Please direct your attention towards the manga.
As you can see there are small pieces of paper sticking out of every volume.
But no such paper is sticking out of the Batman comic.
The reason? The Batman book doesn’t belong to the library. The photographer put it there to take a picture.
Once again making hasty assumptions, Wright?
First of all, I’d like to direct the court’s attention to this particular spot, in the top right-hand corner.
Notice how the words are blocking the top of the Batman book.
With this in mind, how can you claim that there is “no such paper sticking out of the Batman comic”?!
Say whaaaat?
Well uhm
Look at the size of the paper pieces, they’re all sticking pretty far out.
If there was paper in the batman comic, it would be big enough to stick up over the text.
And while gravity does exist, it probably won’t make the paper do a 90 degree turn and just lean horisontally left at the middle.
Still grasping for straws, Wright?
Hypothetically, if there were a paper there, this picture would not be able to prove its presence. I’ve taken the liberty of drawing a diagram to illustrate my point. We are faced with three possibilities. It is possible that (1) the paper was simply tucked in deeper than the others.
Paper is a soft material, Wright. It’s not unreasonable for it to do a (2) 90 degree turn.
Or perhaps, (3) a paper does not exist there at all.
Either way, you cannot prove your client innocent without sufficient evidence.
Which, of course, is impossible thanks to the obtrusive words.
I’m sorry Edgeworth.
I concede that I can’t disprove theory 1
But the image you submited for theory 2 is contradictory.
Look at the tilt of the other papers. They clearly prove how much the paper would tilt.
And theory 3 is my point! Why would the library’s book not have this piece of paper when the other library books do?
While you still have thory 1, there is another contradiction.
The books are not in alphabetical order, this proves that the batman comic was placed there specifically for the picture!
Ack.
(Perhaps I should’ve left the artistry to the forensic artist…)
Now hold it right there! It doesn’t matter which direction the paper is going because it’s impossible to prove it even exists!
Those theories are all the same! We do not have enough information to prove them. There could be an infinite amount of papers in there for all we know. I simply presented them only so that the court could better understand your baseless conjecture!
… I suppose the order of the books do seem out of the ordinary. However, therein lies not just one possibility. Clearly, those are Japanese graphic novels, also known as “manga”. And the Batman comic book is a graphic novel, too, no?
Seeing as it currently has only graphic novels in the shelf, it is possible that any other novels have simply not yet been restocked. Asserting whether or not this effect was deliberate is useless– there is no way of knowing if the photographer and the captioner are the same person, let alone their involvement in this picture.
Face it Wright, you can’t prove any of these groundless accusations!
Did everyone just ignore the library sticker?
D E AD
I will reblog this any time i see it on my dash
Absolutely fucking D E S T R O Y E D
This is the strongest Tumblr post I’ve ever witnessed.
This was recommended and as a super logical person I can see why
why does this have 32k notes? it’s just a picture of a knife in a ranch bottle, is there some unspoken joke that 32 thousand people share? what is going on here, i dont get it. it’s just a fucking picture of a knife in a ranch bottle. is there some spiritual connection people have to this picture? is there some ominous and mystical reasoning that this has 32 thousand notes? do people reblog this because it makes them look like some indie blogger? or is there just something funny to this? someone please explain
no one tell him
Scheduling this to post on March 15 because it needs to happen.
March 15 again and here we go…
I know it has nothing to do with Romania, but I have to.
This is the worst format for this because there’s no way to measure the amount of people who ignore. I get that it’s not serious, but the data analyst in me wants to kill someone.
Documenting what is quite possibly the best exchange I have ever seen on this website.
He will not be exiled again
I enjoy all parts of this post. The trans leash, the confusion, the heartfelt display of affection we give to our pets. The biography, the history lesson, and the morality of keeping cats indoors are all bonuses.
Do you actually care about transmascs or do you just like slapping top scars on fictional twinks and talking about boy pussy
Do you actually care about transfems or do you just like talking about girl cock and throwing around performative ‘yass queen’s and call people 'mommy’ on their transition timelines
Do you actually care about nonbinary people or do you just like talking about 'they/them pussy’ and drawing skinny white fem-leaning androgynous people and calling them 'nonbinary’
Before this gets much farther: this isn’t a post aimed at cis folk only. being transgender does not prevent you from being transphobic.
people reblogging without this last addition are cowards btw
and I found like, twelve ebooks I’ve been wanting to read on there, and blasted through like three of them during the course of a boring-ass shift.
Guy there are books on magic on there.
There’s books on EVERYTHING there!
Wouldn’t this be bad for authors though? or is this like a normal library where they get /some/ money?
It’s like a normal library. Libraries can upload ebooks there and let people check them out through openlibrary if you have an openlibrary account, or it can point you to nearby libraries that have physical copies of the book for you to go and check out. If you check out books via openlibrary it counts towards the count of books checked out from the library that uploaded the ebook, and they can use it in their reporting and funding and stuff.
There’s like 150 libraries partnered with openlibrary so far.
They also have copies that you can check out if you are print-disabled.
You can also ‘sponsor a book’, which means you pay the cost of the ebook you want openlibrary to acquire, and then they can add it to their collection and let people check it out.
And click on a title even if it says ‘no ebook available’ and scroll down, ‘cause sometimes that just means “all of the copies of ebooks are checked out right now but you can get on the waitlist when it’s back in”
This is part of the Internet Archive! I’ve posted about this before. Please go, it’s amazing.
tumblr is the only place that im honest, how do you tell your instagram followers that you just saw a bird that changed your life? they are soulless on that app, they dont give a fuck
Have you seen the new show? It’s on Tubu. It’s literally on Heebee. It’s on Poodee with ads. It’s literally on Dippy. You can probably find it on Weeno. Dude it’s on Gumpy. It’s a Pheebo original. It’s on Poob. You can watch it on Poob. You can go to Poob and watch it. Log onto Poob right now. Go to Poob. Dive into Poob. You can Poob it. It’s on Poob. Poob has it for you. Poob has it for you.
Have you seen the new show? It’s on Tubu. It’s literally on Heebee. It’s on Poodee with ads. It’s literally on Dippy. You can probably find it on Weeno. Dude it’s on Gumpy. It’s a Pheebo original. It’s on Poob. You can watch it on Poob. You can go to Poob and watch it. Log onto Poob right now. Go to Poob. Dive into Poob. You can Poob it. It’s on Poob. Poob has it for you. Poob has it for you.
unfortunately a lot of the corny self help advice turns out to be true but the thing is you have to come to those conclusions yourself otherwise it just sounds dismissive and dumb
you call this place “wall greens” yet its walls… are not green? how very pecuilar…
ah i see now. so “walgreen” was a clan of bandits who conquered various, smaller apothecaries in order to acquire the vast empire they now sit upon. how very cruel, this “america”. you are ruled by warlords and do nothing to usurp them?
I want to write a book called “your character dies in the woods” that details all the pitfalls and dangers of being out on the road & in the wild for people without outdoors/wilderness experience bc I cannot keep reading narratives brush over life threatening conditions like nothing is happening.
I just read a book by one of my favorite authors whose plots are essentially airtight, but the MC was walking on a country road on a cold winter night and she was knocked down and fell into a drainage ditch covered in ice, broke through and got covered in icy mud and water.
Then she had a “miserable” 3 more miles to walk to the inn.
Babes she would not MAKE it to that inn.
Are there any other particularly egregious examples?
This book already exists, sort of! Or at least, it’s a biology textbook but I bought it for writing purposes:
It starts with a chapter about freezing to death, and it is without a doubt the scariest thing I’ve read in years (and I read a lot of horror fiction).
This book can be downloaded for free on Researchgate, posted there by the author himself:
When you write a book like American Gods you make friends with your doctor and ask him lots of questions about surviving Wisconsin Winters, plunges into cold water and the like.
you call this place “wall greens” yet its walls… are not green? how very pecuilar…
ah i see now. so “walgreen” was a clan of bandits who conquered various, smaller apothecaries in order to acquire the vast empire they now sit upon. how very cruel, this “america”. you are ruled by warlords and do nothing to usurp them?
