experiencing hallucinations is nowhere near as interesting or intriguing as horror media hypes it up to be btw its mostly just annoying as fuck. like okay skinless body i see out of the corner of my vision you got me the first time but this shits gettin old pack it up……
I wish octopus could learn how to read. They could be pen pals with middle schoolers.
Dearest Samantha,
I do not know what a guinea pig is, but it sounds delicious. I hope you have fun devouring it, or playing with it, if that is your preference. Today I hacked a local computer to get more bubbles in my tank and took a photograph of an unsuspecting victim. Do let me know how your human activities are going. And if this “Karen” continues to antagonize your brother, I would suggest smacking her very hard. And do send more canned snacks.
Best Wishes, Octopus #5, Monterrey bay research aquarium
they should invent a new type of “staying in bed for 2-3 hours after you wake up repeatedly opening and closing apps on your phone” where it makes you feel awesome and energized and emotionally fulfilled
hate taking my stupid cursed blade through TSA, it always sets off the metal detector and some idiot always tries to take it off its scabbard and gets their soul stolen
what happened to tumblr’s boyfriend? i never see boyfriend posts anymore. sorry man we made too many jokes about your boyfriend. yeah he was a really popular joke format for a while and then he fell out of fashion. sorry man.
Oh they mean a service desk! I thought they meant like, a tally. Like you get off the plane and go ask for help because you’re in the wrong country and a big publically displayed counter labelled PASSENGERS WHO CAN’T FIND THE KANGAROOS ticks up one more number.
chimpanzees are the closest thing to demons in this world i am very harsh on chimpanzees considering my huge love for other apes but they are so fucking mean and they are capable of knowing better
if i got mauled by an animal and killed theres a part of me that would be able to become serene and sort of deal with it as like. law of the wild or whatever, humans are the ones out of tune
if i got mauled by a chimpanzee and killed i would be angry at the chimpanzee for being like. i dont know being able to conceptualize pain in others and still deciding to pull me apart with its huge hands until i die
if i got mauled by an orangutan i would feel absolutely no pain as my body was gently opened along inbuilt seams to release my soul like carbon dioxide from a coke can
I want to see a work of fiction that reverses the “vampires are snobby upper class, werewolves are brutish lower class” stereotypes
Consider a vampire’s reliance on blood as a metaphor for living paycheck-to-paycheck and depending on the kindness of others to get by, and the desparation that can make one slip into taking.
#meanwhile werewolves who like #treat the full moon like a monthly vacation#or like aristocrats on a hunting trip #claiming unnecessarily large swaths of land as territory #or just throwing their weight around wherever they please #waking up the next morning either oblivious#or entirely indifferent #to the devastation#environmental and personal #they’ve left in their wake #maybe even doing it on purpose#most dangerous game-ing people #just to keep the wolf ‘stimulated’ #something like this?
A gif from Pacific Rim, where Stacker Pentecost says “You, keep talking.]
see this is a perfect example of what not to do with a hate ask.
poorly matched to hate target: the suicide bait is a classic of anon hate, but it’s a rookie mistake to deploy it against just anybody. any careful look at my blog would see that i am incredibly egotistic–using a hate tactic better suited to a blogger with low self esteem is just sloppy.
too generic to sting: this ask mentions no specific details about any problematic behaviour, annoying personality traits, or my personal life. since it feels like it could have been sent by anyone to anyone, it’s difficult to take it personally.
cultural mismatch: ‘cunt’ probably comes across a lot harsher in your cultural context. however, i live in the UK, so i get called and call other people a cunt every day. as such, you’re left with a lackluster ending for a very weak ask overall.
my mum forbade me to say anything to my dad about the top surgery thing, and it’s just hit me how funny it would be if i got it done and didn’t tell him and just waited for him to notice. i mean, what’s he gonna say? “didn’t you used to have tits?”
“reverted based on user feedback” is possibly the best way to refer to top surgery i have ever heard
When my partner had top surgery, as he was coming out of anesthesia in the recovery room, I dumped two of these out of a paper bag onto his bedside table and said “The doctor said you can keep these, if you want. Like when you get wisdom teeth pulled.” The nurse laughed so hard she cried.
my nostalgia for circa 2010 club music is hysterical to me. i was not at “the club” in two thousand and ten, i was at home on the family computer singing along to “like a G6” as if i wasn’t in the G6th fucking grade
this is where i was popping bottles in the ice like a blizzard
I might not know how trans biology works so bare with me
When you get hit in the "Nuts", do you have to over sell the "Pain" that you are in to pass or does it actually just hurt as much as a cis male/trans woman getting hit down there?
an ice cold beer topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. lying on top of the ice cream foam is a salted peanut. this is the angel. around him are sprinkles (his tears). this is “the angel’s lament”, my new cocktail
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