remember when larian put all the data together from the most popular character creator picks in bg3. and they thought there was a mistake, so they ran the numbers again, and no - the result was just authentically, in a world where you can be pink, and have glowing eyes, and horns, and a tail, the result was the most generic looking human white guy with brown hair
“it’s me, John Baldur”
“it’s always baldest before the gate”
i love when he said it’s balding time and just balded all over
i know that when a book describes dragons picking up their riders they probably mean scruffing them by the neck in their mouths like a kitten, but i always imagine something like this
Don’t leave this in the tags. It’s too funny not to be enjoyed by everyone
@probablyautism thnx for remembering the weirdest tumblrina on the planet. also can u explain to ur local grandma what she has to do(apologies are afoot)
So tap on the link above my character and simply make your own it could be an OC or you or your sona, anything.
Wild how I keep returning to this goddamn post. @queermarzipan ball’s in your court babe.
It may still need help getting to 200,000.
Here’s Aziraphale in disguise:
And here’s a backstage shot of the Gentlemen in 1941 suits:
@tothechaos will you print and eat the entire post? If so, here is a long joke. Don’t choke:
A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people.
At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.
Before he faces his sentence, he’s offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him.
The next day, he’s led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and… nothing happens.
There’s never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free.
Within a week’s time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one.
He doesn’t care that he can’t drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people.
Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train.
His last meal request is a single banana. When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again.
The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it.
His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death.
They ask him what he’d like for his last meal. “A single banana,” he says.
“Oh, no you don’t, you son of a bitch. We’re on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and you’re not escaping this time!”
The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.
The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and… nothing happens.
“Did you give him the banana?” demands the head guard.
“No, sir! He asked for the banana but we didn’t give it to him, we swear!” says one of the guards.
Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. He was just a really bad conductor.
Quick! Gordon Ramsey has tasked you to come up with a new recipe with a rather special ingredient: ‘this trainwreck of a Tumblr post printed out on paper’. You don’t have much time as the exquisite guest will enter the doors of your fancy establishment the moment this post hits 200k notes. Come up with a recipe. Please provide detailed instructions.
Chaos Course Set Meal
Bespoke 9 course meal meant to be enjoyed by @tothechaos
Foreword:
As tasked by the prolific Gordan Ramsey, this 9 Course endeavour will feature the post in its entirety segmented into 9 delightfully ornate, unreasonably complex yet delectably unparalleled dishes. In the following, we’ll see how to prepare each of these dishes.
Course One
Dish name: 10k notes of Hubris
10k Notes of Hubris is a simple risotto with saffron infusion and forest mushrooms, topped with shavings of the top 9th piece of this post, printed in full colour, regular stock. Due to the nature of a 9 course setting, it is wise to start with a simpler dish.
Ingredients (serves four people):
1 teaspoon of saffron
300g carnaroli rice
50g extra virgin olive oil
20g butter
5g shallots
1l vegetable broth
parsley (to taste)
100g porcini mushrooms
80g portobello mushrooms
100g brown mushrooms
5g truffle oil
5g lemon peel and lemon juice
30g parmesan cheese
thyme (a dash)
5g garlic
A pinch of salt and pepper
The first 9th of this post, printed in full colour with regular stock.
Method:
In a saucepan, pour the oil and the chopped shallot(s), then add the rice and saffron and toast
Pour the broth a little at a time and cook slowly. Allow to cook before adding salt and black pepper. Stir in butter, grated parmesan cheese, chopped parsley, truffle oil, lemon juice and peel.
In a separate saucepan, cook the mushrooms with oil, garlic, thyme, salt and black pepper.
Presentation:
At the base of the dish pour the risotto, complete with forest mushrooms and basil leaves. Shave the printed top 9th of the post and sprinkle on top. Drizzle a dash of olive oil before serving.
The next dish and recipe of this 9 course meal, complete with the next 9th of the post printed and incorporated, will be presented by another chef.
i don’t what’s more wild to me, how much we are all working on giving someone ink poisoning or learning that @writing-prompt-s has @one-time-i-dreamt ’s phone number
I have been summoned many, many times
This post is already one of the most epic I have ever seen. Keep going!
The tumblr post equivalent of the fall of ceasar. Well can’t miss my turn with the knife.
It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied “i don’t know i’ve never heard these words in that order” and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn’t even that funny
at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”
Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor
co worker bought three redbulls and I said “oh you never want to have a three redbull kinda day” and i genuinly think it’s the funniest thing she ever heard in her life. it’s been months and she still says that, “its a three redbull kinda day”. she calls me the funniest person she knows and either she has never met anyone else who uses tumblr or I truly got autism swag
bunch of court jesters smoking in the alleyway complaining that the nobility will laugh at anything and yearning to go down to the globe theatre together
It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied “i don’t know i’ve never heard these words in that order” and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn’t even that funny
at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”
Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor
co worker bought three redbulls and I said “oh you never want to have a three redbull kinda day” and i genuinly think it’s the funniest thing she ever heard in her life. it’s been months and she still says that, “its a three redbull kinda day”. she calls me the funniest person she knows and either she has never met anyone else who uses tumblr or I truly got autism swag
It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied “i don’t know i’ve never heard these words in that order” and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn’t even that funny
at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”
Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor
co worker bought three redbulls and I said “oh you never want to have a three redbull kinda day” and i genuinly think it’s the funniest thing she ever heard in her life. it’s been months and she still says that, “its a three redbull kinda day”. she calls me the funniest person she knows and either she has never met anyone else who uses tumblr or I truly got autism swag
fucks me up that by total coincidence the sun and moon’s size difference is exactly matched to their difference in distance from us, thus making our beautiful total solar eclipses where you can see the silver threads of the sun’s corona possible because the moon just covers the sun completely
The stars (literally) aligned just right for this experience to be possible. It’s likely that aliens don’t have this
The moon is also absolutely gargantuan by moon standards. It isn’t the largest moon in the solar system, but it is BY FAR the largest in comparison with its planet. Ganymede is the largest satellite of Jupiter and the largest moon in the solar system. Its diameter is only about 3.8% of Jupiter’s. Titan’s radius is 4.4% of Saturn’s. Callisto and Io are the next largest in the neighborhood, with 3.4% and 2.6% the diameter of Jupiter respectively.
Our moon is number 5. It is smaller in direct comparison to the above moons. The diameter of the moon is 3475 km. That is a full 27% of the diameter of the Earth. More than a quarter. That’s ridiculous. It’s unheard of. The universe is large enough that the word unique probably doesn’t mean a lot, but this might be about as close as you get.
This has had a huge impact on our planet. Other things aliens might not have are significant tides. One of Mars’s dumpy little potatoes wouldn’t be able to move oceans the way our moon does.
Our moon has also stabilized our axis to a massive degree. Without her up there our axis would wobble all over the place and our climate would be far more chaotic. Aliens might not be quite so lucky.
I guess what I am really trying to say is that the moon is extremely cool. I like the moon.
Just want to add that the reason we have such a large moon is because a whole planet crashed into proto-Earth. Theia (the planet) and Earth got so superheated by this collision that their component cores fused and the impact jettisoned a lot of material into space. That massive amount of jettisoned material became our moon. So Earth and the moon have very similar composition. This does not seem to be a common method of lunar formation.
what if the answer to the fermi paradox is that life cant exist without a moon like luna
I got a serious beef with the Fermi paradox. There is no Fermi paradox. There stopped being a Fermi paradox once the first radio telescopes went up, and we began to get a true sense of the sheer scale of the universe.
Space is big, empty, and loud. Sunspots can cause enough interference to affect global communications. We’re not even loud enough to talk over our own sun. On our own planet. We can barely communicate with Voyager, and we know exactly where it is and what its signal sounds like.
The Fermi paradox is like doubting the existence of Belfast, because you stood on a windy New York beach shouting towards it and didn’t get an answer.
i didn’t realise we were drowned out by our own sun :(
Something I love love love is that Percy keeps referring to the gods as their familial titles.
“Your son.” “Your dad.”
This boy knows love. Knows the warmth of his mother’s gaze. Knows how to wrap his arms around friends, tells them they matter, they’re important, they’ll be okay. Knows how to see the best in people, see the good. He’ll hold fast and brave the storm.
He knows how messed up all the games are. All of the god’s stupid rules, and squabbles, and schemes, and pride. That none of it matters
Percy really said y’all don’t know the meaning of family and that’s so sad.
i am so sorry dungeon meshi fans but despite our best efforts i think in every modern/real life au chilchuck is always destined to look exactly like this
Bought my uncle a burger and milkshake in exchange for letting me disrupt the holiest day of the week, NFL Sunday Football, so I could install a Pi-hole and free the household of ads…the thing abt the specific boomers I live with is they told me not to trust people on the Internet but they do not understand the algorithm or online advertising and think that Facebook has their best interests at heart. And every time I have tried to explain to them that no, blorbo from my dashboard is not selling my kidneys on the dark web but Google from your capitalism is definitely selling your web searches to every advertising company on the planet, they think I am paranoid. How could their personal friend Mark Zuckerberg want anything bad to happen to them etc. I am fighting battles I did not know existed!!!
Update I have had Pi-Hole successfully installed for two (2) hours and have since learned that 40% of the web traffic in this household went to advertisements. FORTY FUCKING PERCENT. We live in hell. This is the greatest gift I have ever given my family that they will not understand or acknowledge or feel any gratitude for.
Update #2: it was rising all night but the number it finally settled on was…60%. 60% of the web traffic in this household went to advertisements. I can’t tell if this high number is bc I live in Silicon Valley and probably am subject to the Algorithmic Internet in ways people outside of Silicon Valley are not or it is normal to have 2/3rds of your web traffic be ads, but it did make me set up a recurring donation of the EFF lmfao.
Okay I have had multiple people ask, so here are the useful websites that me and Beryl used to muddle our way through:
Pi-hole website (gives broad strokes of the software and imho is not actually that helpful, however this proves that I am not making shit up)
Pi-hole documentation (read prerequisites carefully, you do NOT need the newest model of Raspberry Pi to run this thing!! You don’t even need a Raspberry Pi at all, you can run it on a bunch of Linux systems however I’m very stupid when it comes to Linux and when my options are install and learn a whole ass new OS or spend $$ on a Raspberry Pi and hook it up to my TV with a wired mouse and keyboard I will unfortunately be spending money)
You guys can ask me questions if you want but I guarantee I will not know the answers bc I don’t know shit about fuck, I just followed the directions and reaped the rewards. It did take us 2 hours to set up bc I’m bad at following directions (and it’s kind of complicated if you’ve been out of the software game for a while like I have), and you do have to be sososo brave about fucking around with your internet provider’s configuration. So make sure you eat before you do it!! However it has been so worth it for me so far, given that now all my devices at home are running faster and I’m not seeing any ads while web browsing. We will see what complaints my family comes up with, but I love it so far.
Also!! if you’ve never heard of Raspberry Pi, which I realize are not all of my followers are lost in the Silicon Valley sauce so you might not have, here’s is their website and their page for using Raspberry Pi at home.
(And here is the Electronic Frontier Foundation, a nonprofit that fights for digital privacy, free speech, and innovation, if you, like me, were presented with cold hard data about your personal internet usage and suddenly realized that our internet is fully a dystopia. haha.)
After a few months with pi-hole, I recently switched to AdGuard Home. It was recommended/is co-promoted in a pi-hole discord server, and it seems to be blocking a bit more successfully/consistently for me than the pi-hole did.
I also use Blokada on my phone when I’m not home and have the Windscribe browser extension which includes 10GB of free VPN traffic and has uBlock integrated into it. (AdGuard does technically make things that do this but I like those better; ymmv).
It all takes some setup and tinkering, but I highly, highly recommend taking steps to clear out some of the internet garbage and protect your info.
Bought my uncle a burger and milkshake in exchange for letting me disrupt the holiest day of the week, NFL Sunday Football, so I could install a Pi-hole and free the household of ads…the thing abt the specific boomers I live with is they told me not to trust people on the Internet but they do not understand the algorithm or online advertising and think that Facebook has their best interests at heart. And every time I have tried to explain to them that no, blorbo from my dashboard is not selling my kidneys on the dark web but Google from your capitalism is definitely selling your web searches to every advertising company on the planet, they think I am paranoid. How could their personal friend Mark Zuckerberg want anything bad to happen to them etc. I am fighting battles I did not know existed!!!
Update I have had Pi-Hole successfully installed for two (2) hours and have since learned that 40% of the web traffic in this household went to advertisements. FORTY FUCKING PERCENT. We live in hell. This is the greatest gift I have ever given my family that they will not understand or acknowledge or feel any gratitude for.
Update #2: it was rising all night but the number it finally settled on was…60%. 60% of the web traffic in this household went to advertisements. I can’t tell if this high number is bc I live in Silicon Valley and probably am subject to the Algorithmic Internet in ways people outside of Silicon Valley are not or it is normal to have 2/3rds of your web traffic be ads, but it did make me set up a recurring donation of the EFF lmfao.
Okay I have had multiple people ask, so here are the useful websites that me and Beryl used to muddle our way through:
Pi-hole website (gives broad strokes of the software and imho is not actually that helpful, however this proves that I am not making shit up)
Pi-hole documentation (read prerequisites carefully, you do NOT need the newest model of Raspberry Pi to run this thing!! You don’t even need a Raspberry Pi at all, you can run it on a bunch of Linux systems however I’m very stupid when it comes to Linux and when my options are install and learn a whole ass new OS or spend $$ on a Raspberry Pi and hook it up to my TV with a wired mouse and keyboard I will unfortunately be spending money)
You guys can ask me questions if you want but I guarantee I will not know the answers bc I don’t know shit about fuck, I just followed the directions and reaped the rewards. It did take us 2 hours to set up bc I’m bad at following directions (and it’s kind of complicated if you’ve been out of the software game for a while like I have), and you do have to be sososo brave about fucking around with your internet provider’s configuration. So make sure you eat before you do it!! However it has been so worth it for me so far, given that now all my devices at home are running faster and I’m not seeing any ads while web browsing. We will see what complaints my family comes up with, but I love it so far.
Also!! if you’ve never heard of Raspberry Pi, which I realize are not all of my followers are lost in the Silicon Valley sauce so you might not have, here’s is their website and their page for using Raspberry Pi at home.
(And here is the Electronic Frontier Foundation, a nonprofit that fights for digital privacy, free speech, and innovation, if you, like me, were presented with cold hard data about your personal internet usage and suddenly realized that our internet is fully a dystopia. haha.)
After a few months with pi-hole, I recently switched to AdGuard Home. It was recommended/is co-promoted in a pi-hole discord server, and it seems to be blocking a bit more successfully/consistently for me than the pi-hole did.
I also use Blokada on my phone when I’m not home and have the Windscribe browser extension which includes 10GB of free VPN traffic and has uBlock integrated into it. (AdGuard does technically make things that do this but I like those better; ymmv).
It all takes some setup and tinkering, but I highly, highly recommend taking steps to clear out some of the internet garbage and protect your info.
Y'all ever notice that when people say “There were never that many X people before!!!” X people almost always seem to be Housebound due to Lack of Accessibility or Chance of Severe Illness, Unrepresented because no one Put A Name to the Demographic, Oppressed with Physical Violence and Societal Ostracization, or straight up fucking Dead?? Just me?
on top of all that, people might not have come into contact with the things they’re allergic to in the past. or not as much. how would a European person with a peanut allergy have ever encountered the things before American colonization? one of my friends is very allergic to bell peppers, but her Scottish ancestors c. 1700 would probably never see one in their lives. we often have much more diverse diets nowadays
(if it was a mild-moderate enough allergy, they might also just call it an “intolerance” and avoid the thing in question as much as possible. they might not have known why it got them sick, but they could definitely put two and two together)
My grandfather, much like me, developed an allergy to bananas in childhood and whereas my family went “Well that’s a bummer. Guess we’re done with bananas now as a household” my grandfather’s mother used to make him eat bananas in front of her friends so they could laugh at his lips swelling up. Stuff like that used to be more common. Instead of viewing a medical problem as something we’re working on together as a family it was often seen as a failing of the child. What makes you think someone would talk about their medical issues casually if even having one is seen as a weakness? I talk openly about my problems when appropriate for the situation, as do most people I know. But society wasn’t always open to that. Many parts of society still aren’t. Like only 50 years ago asthma was seen as a mental illness. Destigmatization of certain illnesses makes those illnesses seem more common than they used to be when almost everyone had them this whole time.
hm. seems a lot of you forget that trans women can have vaginas. like. post all you want about girl cock but not all trans women are going to have one. there is famously a procedure that gives them one. (a vagina)
hey, for the anon asking about monoclonal antibodies (from someone who recently did a biology gcse)
HOW THEY'RE MADE:
-> get a mouse. infect mouse with disease
-> mouse's lymphocytes (white blood cells) go 'ah fuck' and start making antibodies to kill off the disease
-> remove the lymphocytes from the mice. now you have yourself some cells that know how to make antibodies. isn't that cool?
-> the problem is lymphocytes aren't great at cell division and you kind of need a lot of antibodies!!
-> so you take the lymphocytes and you fuse them with some tumour cells
-> tumour cells are great at dividing. that's kind of their whole brand. so now you have tumour/lymphocyte hybrids that can make antibodies AND divide rapidly
-> so then you can let them do their thing and collect the antibodies they make :)
There’s been a poll bracket going on YouTube for a while now about who’s the coolest Pokemon Gym Leader and the 2 finalists make sense but put together are fucking hilarious
Yakuza boss vs Greg from Sprint Mobile who will win
my friends and i have been doing this bit where when a piece of media is called something like “x and y” we just say “x from y”, examples have been “wallace from gromit” and “sam from max”
Y'all ever notice that when people say “There were never that many X people before!!!” X people almost always seem to be Housebound due to Lack of Accessibility or Chance of Severe Illness, Unrepresented because no one Put A Name to the Demographic, Oppressed with Physical Violence and Societal Ostracization, or straight up fucking Dead?? Just me?
on top of all that, people might not have come into contact with the things they’re allergic to in the past. or not as much. how would a European person with a peanut allergy have ever encountered the things before American colonization? one of my friends is very allergic to bell peppers, but her Scottish ancestors c. 1700 would probably never see one in their lives. we often have much more diverse diets nowadays
(if it was a mild-moderate enough allergy, they might also just call it an “intolerance” and avoid the thing in question as much as possible. they might not have known why it got them sick, but they could definitely put two and two together)
My grandfather, much like me, developed an allergy to bananas in childhood and whereas my family went “Well that’s a bummer. Guess we’re done with bananas now as a household” my grandfather’s mother used to make him eat bananas in front of her friends so they could laugh at his lips swelling up. Stuff like that used to be more common. Instead of viewing a medical problem as something we’re working on together as a family it was often seen as a failing of the child. What makes you think someone would talk about their medical issues casually if even having one is seen as a weakness? I talk openly about my problems when appropriate for the situation, as do most people I know. But society wasn’t always open to that. Many parts of society still aren’t. Like only 50 years ago asthma was seen as a mental illness. Destigmatization of certain illnesses makes those illnesses seem more common than they used to be when almost everyone had them this whole time.
Yeah I’m not doing all that. Tumblr should just ban all things related to that franchise
you are like a mewling helpless baby you are standing in the rain and i am offering you a goddamn umbrella and you throw it on the floor and yell at god to abolish rain
“you are standing in the rain and I am offering you a goddamn umbrella and you throw it on the floor and yell at god to abolish rain” is a killer line and I wish I wrote that
why do they always show cranberries in thos big pits n its implied its wet and possibly swimmable. do cranberries really grow like that. wh
You’ve never heard of The Bog?
th
the what
EACH ADDITION TO THIS POST MAKES MY BLOOD RUN COLD
This is a cranberry bog (unflooded) it’s how cranberries grow. Once they’re ripe, the blog is flooded and the cranberries harvested.
Basically by using big floaty things to round them all up and then scooping them out of the water.
thank u. i hate it a little less but the horrible little man in my head is still screaming “BOG BODY BOG BODY BOG BODY”, but i appreciate the education,
oh here is a fun lil perspective on cranberry harvesting i never heard about anywhere else. the guy who owns the restaurant right down the road from the farm, who fries our chickens sometimes, is from Boston, with the strongest Boston accent ever, and in a former life before he started slinging reasonably priced barbeque and occasional organic chicken, he was a cranberry farmer.
His farm was on the leading edge of kinda using organic/sustainable pest control methods, and one of the things that they did to keep insect damage down was that they encouraged wolf spiders to live in the cranberry field, to eat the bugs.
This was all fine and good until they flooded the bog. Now, you don’t just like flood the bog and then go around it in a boat or whatever. No, you use hip waders to get in there and put the big floaty things where they go and get all the berries and such.
Well when you’re in the bog in hip waders, that makes you the tallest thing. Wolf spiders can swim a bit, but they don’t like it, so they’re, quite understandably, looking to climb out of the water onto a tall thing.
So yeah the first interview question he always asked potential cranberry bog harvester hires was “are you cool with spiders?”
“You’d be amazed,” he said to us, shaking his head a little, “how many guys would just straight lie. Like, you think I’m asking you that question to be cute? Nah man you’re gonna have like a hundred wolf spiders trying to climb your eyebrows, you gotta be chill, those wolf spiders are fellow employees. You really gotta be chill with spiders if you’re gonna work a cranberry harvest.”
happy international workers day to the cranberry bog spiders
I want any cranberry farmers reading this to know, really truly know, that “are you cool with spiders” is not a specific enough question for this situation.
