My boyfriend just woke up, mostly still asleep and told me “don’t worry, it’s getting better” in a heavy, American accent, which is unusual for an Australian man.
“Why are you American?” I asked, to which I got:
“Sorry, it’s getting better” in a stereotypical posh English accent.
“Why are you English?” I asked, amused.
“What is he normally?” He managed to ask.
“He? You’re not anyone else, you’re you.”
“Ugh, me” was the last thing he said, in a right proper Aussie accent before he fell back into proper sleep.
Bitch just thwarted a ghost possession by judging his accents
If you ever find yourself thinking “oh it’s only ██:00, I still have plenty of time before this turns into sleep deprivation” that is the devil speaking. Go to bed NOW before it’s too late
I feel like there’s two levels of chronically online. There’s like, the variety where you recognize obscure memes and stupid drama and post constantly but have some sort of tether to reality and have friends in the real world and read the news from time to time, and then there’s the kind where you genuinely don’t realize that your political position or feelings about popular media are not just non-mainstream but actively fringe and that it’s not emotional labor to pick people up from the airport.
abandonment issues are sooooo funny. “i’m scared people will leave me so i push them away first to avoid being hurt” girl the prophecy is self fulfilling!!! the sabotage is coming from within!!! you forgot about the cycle!!!!!!!!!
“if you tell people they should leave you alone then they’ll leave you alone” ummm actually if they love me enough they’ll stay. this time for sure.
thinking about the time they sent me a seven year old autistic patient to investigate if he was suffering abuse because in every psychological test he kept drawing awful monsters
and I start the consultation already miserable as fuck and I give the kid some pen and paper so I can maybe communicate and see what’s on his mind
and then I go WAIT A GODDAMN SECOND I KNOW THOSE MONSTERS
turns out the kid just had a special interest in Five Nights at Freddy’s
I pointed at the monster and went “That’s Freddy!” and I’ve never seen a kid that ecstatic in my life
the mom looked at me as if her son and I belonged at the same satanic cult and that’s why I knew the names of the demons in his head
I wrote back to psychologist like “I’m not sure how to explain this but looking up five nights at freddys might bring you progress with this patient”
at some point the nurses realized the autistic children and I were like, Really Vibing
so they decided to highkey just appoint all of them to my day and it took me almost a month to realize that the fact that I kept arriving and finding that all of today’s appointments were autistic children was Not A Coincidence
anyway this one time there was a kid who was really into christianity but it was like, specifically angels
so I’m trying to start up a conversation with him and I ask what he’s reading and he goes “do you know what a nephilim is”
and like for one hellish second my soul is suckerpunched out of my body and thrown straight into supernatural-fanfic-on-wattpad hell, and then I reassume control of my flesh prison, ignoring the mental edits of Dean and Castiel making out, and go “Aren’t those the guys who are half human and half angel?”
and the kid was so fucking happy but the mom was staring at me like ‘why are you privy to this bit of occult jesus lore’
and my heathen lesbian of a self just looks at her and goes
Brother (increasingly frantic): Yeah but I’m, I don’t wanna fuck it up. Is it— what does that mean you said she/they and then you said “oh wait no use they/she,” which one do I use?
Person filming: They- they more than she.
Brother: Oh god
[laughter from the person filming]
Brother: Okay, like, how- how much more though? Is it like if- do I- am I being an asshole if I say, like, they maybe like 4 times and she 2 times?
KID WROTE “MPREG VORTEX” ON THEIR DOODLE PAD AT LUNCH CLUB
I ASKED THEM TO PUT IT AWAY
ANOTHER KID MUST HAVE SMELLED MY HORROR
ASKED “MS DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE OMEGAVERSE IS”
SAMANTHA YOU ARE THIRTEEN WHY DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE OMEGAVERSE IS
@too-many-muses I went full on startled prey mode 😭 I froze, shook my head way too quickly and then started aggressively cleaning the whiteboard lmaooo
don’t you fucking DARE I cannot go down in history as the omegaverse teacher
I know for a fact that they think tumblr is dead as they have told me I look like used to have tumblr before it disappeared lmao
Is this what moms are up to on Pinterest these days?
buzzfeed anarchist’s tasty
Please for fuck’s sake don’t do this indoors, also use a hot plate instead of a flame burner so you don’t ignite the mixture, the sugar and potassium nitrate are a complete fuel and oxidizer mixture so it’s hard to put out, also if you get the proportions wrong it’s a basic solid rocket fuel
Oh yeah, also keep an appropriate thermometer handy so you don’t hit ignition temperature and have the whole mix go off in your face while you stir it
you’re wrong actually the uplifting neo-2010′s soulless corporate royalty free stock music playing in the background makes me feel comfortable enough to do anything it tells me to do without any fear whatsoever
I watched this whole video in increasing fear trying to figure out where the hell it was going
true story my spouse made me start chewing my food more often and I was shocked at how flavorful things are. I’m 32
when he first started dating he was sick a lot, and told me about a family legend that they were cursed with stomach problems because his ancestor was a samurai who had failed to commit sepukku, and now they all needed to experience the pain that he should have
and then one day we were having dinner and I was like. hey. are you not chewing your fucking food
and then I met his family. and they all just unhinge their jaws like snakes. horking shit down like wide-eyed seagulls at the beach
anyway he mostly chews his food now and the ancestral samurai’s curse has left him
Fun fact: The original version of this joke was made by Lachlan Hodson on twitter, and we know this because we were eating lunch with him when he came up with it, and he sprinted home to make the graphic without finishing his meal.
The tweet was so funny we gave it a retweet on Batshit Auspol’s twitter account and then watched it get immediately nicked without credit by a big twitter account, after which it went viral across the web, so it would be nice if Lachie could get some love for this!
i am not happy with our choices this election. But you should know that the reason he’s the first president to “refuse” a cognitive test is because one isn’t included in the presidential physical exam in the first place.
There was a petition of doctors who wanted Trump’s cognitive function tested during his physical exam, and everybody involved on the republican side said no, and then Trump himself actually insisted he did take one in a fit of ego. He was, as far as i can tell, the first president to ever take one while in office.
At his request for the cognitive testing, Trump’s doctor administered the Montreal Cognitive Assessment which is like 5 questions and has not been proven to be an accurate test of much at all. It’s a lot like when you hit your head and they ask you the date and your name and stuff – answering correctly in no way means you don’t have a head injury or concussion or whatever, it’s just a couple of first step questions. Then Trump said a lot of lies and bullshit about his “cognitive test”
Now republicans and right leaning publications are spreading shit like this. Biden didn’t “refuse” a cognitive test, his aides confirmed that, as usual, a cognitive test is not included during the president’s doctor visit.
again, i think our choices are shit this election, i don’t like how old Biden is, and i think the way our first-past-the-poll voting system automatically results in an extremist two party system fronting candidates that the majority of the country doesn’t like is some fucked up bullshit
but our house is on fire and one candidate is a bucket of water that won’t help much and the other is a bucket of gasoline, and, y'know, angry as i am about it all i am still going to vote for the bucket of water while we look for other solutions
Don’t let them trick you into letting gasoline get thrown on this fire please
At this point I’m not even posting this for politics reasons, I’m posting it because my GOD you gullible bitches need to learn how extremely basic propaganda works. Jesus christ.
Remember, Sky News is Murdoch Media and Fox News with a different accent.
I have googled my life away. I have read bible verses. I have studied the ohilosophical meaning behind the numbers. I have become a modern Gallup trying to ask people to help me figure this out. What the FUCK does it mean.
They forgot the part where the ambulance actually stopped to let the cat in
oh good I was worried
What a good cat. What a kind cat. How can anyone not love cats they are so good and loving.
they also forgot the part where they only found the baby because masha was screaming her head off bc she knew this baby was in danger. she went around outside the alley the next morning and yelled at passerby until she got one to follow her to the baby. she kept him warm all night and then made sure someone found him. she was adopted after this bc she was a stray and is in a loving home and is a hero
Hero cat
Thank you, Masha, you’re such a good girl.
See.
Kittens can’t regulate their own body temperature. That’s why they pile up.
Cats see us as colony members.
Masha saw a kitten that was on its own, no mommy, no other kittens to cuddle with. She instinctively knew that was a cold kitten. She knew that a kitten alone on a cold night was very likely to die. Because a kitten would have died too.
So, all she was doing was what any good colony member does - protecting the abandoned kitten. Then when the abandoned kitten’s mommy didn’t come back, she called the rest of the colony for help.
People have this bizarre idea that housecats don’t have a social sense. They do, and it saved this kid’s life. And possibly Masha’s too, as life on the streets is dangerous for a kitty.
We say “good dog” all the time, but Masha was being a very, very good cat…not just by human moral standards but by feline ones.
Rebloging again because who can resist Masha the Hero cat 😻😻😻
I AM GOING TO BE KICKED OUT IN 6 MONTHS AND I AM NOT MAKING MONEY FAST ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO AVOID HOMELESSNESS
hey girls its me again. ill.. try to keep this brief? as brief as i can atleast.
if you havent seen my previous posts, hi, my name is delilah, im an autistic transgirl system with ptsd thats living in an abusive household where im barely fed and am constantly miserable, and to top it all off, the second my birthday hits on JUNE 1 2024, i am going to be kicked out. i want to make around $2000 dollars before then, but i only have about $350 right now. at my current rate, i wont be able to reach my goal, and i dont know how im going to get housing if i dont. to repeat in big text so people pay attention:
if i do not get about $1700 more in donations before june 1 2024, i am going to be homeless.
im trying.. really hard to not give up but its looking bleak. because i live in a small town in texas where everyone knows that im an autistic trans loser, ive been unable to get a job, and ive been forced to do this. i dont enjoy being forced to rely on other people’s kindness, but its the best and atp really the only option i have.
i make pixel art too! dm me if youre interested, i do most things including furries/anthros, humans, chibi/dolls, backgrounds and scenes, and small animations
a lot of scams claiming things like this have been going around, so ill talk about myself some. click the readmore if you want to read that.
hey i. accidentally broke my computer. so. if i could get like 150 dollars or so to get it repaired so im not meowserable without it that would be super cool !!!!! i would appreciate it so much :)
ok well.. the computer repair was a bit more expensive than i expected, so its put a pretty big dit on my savings.. i feel like crying rn, but we’ve been on a good enough pace that i think i can still make it. please. for the love of god. if you can, please donate, i dont know what ill do if im forced to live on the streets.
hey i wanna try and get groceries tomorrow so please donate if you can? please. im good at shoplifting and can probably get a decent amount for my money but i dont want to keep operating at a loss here. ive only got a few months left to make more than 1k and combined with the fact i need to eat.. it isnt looking super good.
POLL FOR ENGAGEMENT WHATS YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF CAT
hey guys ik youve probably seen this psot a lot but PLEASE DONT IGNORE THIS. please. this is still happening, this is still an emergency, and every day that passes i get more and more worried i wont succeed. im really scared, and im sorry i have to rely on this, but please. reblogs keep slowing down, and im running out of time.
with the note that invisibility isn’t privilege I’d like to remind people how erased aro people are
like I work with several queer people, gay and bi and such. Not one of them knew what aro or queer platonic was before I told them
during pride month you know what flag they don’t have in general stores? Aro
Even at pride itself when I went last year, there were four aro things. That’s it. Do you know how depressing that is to go to the queer place specially and you have to stop at every single stall to scour for a single thing to represent you?
we need to normalize aromantism. We need to stop more than friends and “you laughed at what he said you’re in love!” Or “you spent the night with her just admit you’re gay” attitudes. Romance is not required to be a human and it’s not required for intimacy. It should be just as known and accepted as being gay.
during pride month you
know what flag they don’t have in
general stores? Aro
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
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