Humans have finally managed to land on Mars, only to find a locked safe buried in the Martian soil. The key is apparently on Earth, but no one knows where.
The galactic council watched on to see how humanity would handle the task, much as they had with several species before. What the test was supposed to show was whether or not a species of violent nature could ever be brought to work together. They finally picked something up, another ship already headed to Mars? Was it possible humans were that clever to have found the key, maybe it was more specialists and equipment to analyze the locked crate to ensure it was safe to open. A few minutes after landing, they got another broadcast from the red planet.
“This is the LockPickingLawyer and today I’ve got something quite special, this locked alien chest. First of all I have to thank everyone who recommended me for the job, I’m honored that you all thought of me. Now let’s get to work”
The council representatives were confused as they started analyzing the translation, before even getting through the name he spoke something haunting
“Normally I don’t say things like this but this lock is quite unique, however with no security pins it will still be quite quick.”
“There we go, a click on 3… “
All the species of the galactic council sat dumbfounded, they spent many galactic cycles refining and perfecting their study and in all their time not a singular race had tried this method. Click after click, even in such an intricate lock the human had only spent around five minutes tampering with it.
“There we go, now while I can’t open this as part of my video I can say that I at least have a clue what the key should look like in case it ever gets locked again. I admire the design choices and the fact that at least it was harder to get open than anything Master Lock has made”
- ‘u dont have (insert food/music/restaurant here) over there??’
- ‘wait what time is it. shouldnt u be asleep’
- alternatively: timezoned/clockblocked again
- ‘do u need a hug. have a virtual hug’
- weird slang terms
- ‘i will fight everyone thats mean to u. i will fight them rn’
- vague embarrassment regarding ur accent
- ‘dont maKE ME COME OVER THERE’
- ‘oh yeah i have a friend who lives in (insert country here) and apparently’
- no real hugs :((
- suffering
- fahrenheit vs celsius
- the measuring of things in feet fucks one of u up, probably
AND DONT FORGET
“i made food do you want some”
“yes”
I spent a whole week with my friendship group, two of which are Dutch. The week was just FULL of “Do you have that?” “I have no idea what you’re talking about” “that’s a thing over there?”
Also I learned that both Brits and Dutch say “half 8” (8 used as an example) to describe a time, only we Brits say it to mean “half past eight” while the Dutch mean “half OF eight” so they really mean 7:30???
That lead to many confusions between all os us lol
No offence but I think that you people really need to start thinking about The Implications for maybe like five seconds before you start making 10000 joke posts about how jews own the entirety of new york
Saying this as someone who supports palestine myself I think that some of you need to stop & consider some history before you start being “pro palestine” by making completely unrelated jokes about how jewish people are truly in control in america. or before you start ranting about how all jewish people are suspiciously wealthy and/or control the media on a post that doesn’t mention israel at all. just a suggestion
Hi, I’m Gillian a trans latina living in South Texas.
I’m almost out of hrt. Money has been real tight. I thought about going off but the effects of rationing by reducing my dose has been really unpleasant (more so than in the past) so I’m e-begging.
This is one of my favorite posts because that cat’s fucking name is fucking meatloaf
Let us just appreciate that this person’s dad didn’t know when they would be home and so he couldn’t plan for them to be able to join the family for dinner, but he knew with no doubts that dear sweet Meatloaf staying in that exact position for hours was an absolute in this scenario. Truly, that cat was named well.
one of my favorite posts on tumblr over the course of 5 fucking years.. clearly i need a life
Meatloaf is a reliable cat and did not steal the money for selfish reasons. A rare friend.
To any suicidal followers I may have: This is a sign to not kill yourself. You are loved and the world is special because you are in it. Keep holding on.
[ID: Screenshots from an article, titled: “This could be my last report from Gaza”, with the subheader: “Keep my stories alive, so that you keep me alive. Remember that the world that pretended to be the savior of humanity participated in killing it.” The article was written by Tareq S. Hajjaj, and the attached photo is described as “Tareo Hajjaj during one of his field visits reporting for Mondoweiss.” The screenshots read as follows:
Today I’m telling you the news. Tomorrow, I may be the news. I’m not sure that I will be able to write another story in the upcoming days. I’m not sure that I will survive. Israel decided, along with the U.S. and European countries, to wipe out the entire Gaza Strip. They plan on turning us into refugees one more time, and now they’re putting pressure on Egypt to host us. But the majority of people in Gaza have decided to stay in their homes, even if it meant being exterminated.
Keep my stories alive so that you keep me alive. Remember that I wanted a normal life, a small home full of my children’s laughter and the smell of my wife’s cooking. Remember that the world that pretended to be the savior of humanity participated in killing such a small dream.
Ramy Youssef posted this some time ago about when he managed (despite great restrictions from israel) to perform a comedy event in Palestine and upon finding out he was American, a Palestinian girl asked about the flint water crisis. And this reminded me of when the BLM protests started in Ferguson that people from Gaza reached out on social media to help them what to do when being tear gassed. Palestinians haven’t just fought for their own rights. They’ve also despite their own horrors tried to help others like them
recent immigrant trans woman with everything wrong with her needs money to stay alive
alright everybody so ive been living off tumblr donos since like 2018 because of various terrible circumstances. finally after all these years im resolving my immigration limbo and my work permit is pending
pending means i do not have it yet. unfortunately rent and food do not pend. i just have to pay for those
multi-national corps make big bucks selling merchandise with the orange&pink lesbian flag on it but the person who made it is currently HOMELESS.
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emily gwen needs money. give them money. stop giving disney and faceless businesses who sell cheap, imported, low-quality crap produced with probably child or slave labour. give your money to emily gwen.
Hi, I’m Duck! I’m a black trans woman raising a little girl with my boyfriend in the PNW, and yesterday I was unceremoniously laid off yesterday with no warning or severance. My last paycheck is next Friday, and between child care and several infections I’ve missed more work than I would have liked. My tooth pain is getting to the point where the right side of my body is going numb and I have difficulty focusing.
I’m job hunting and taking care of the little one today, and I really want to get something lined up by next week, but that’s no guarentee. If anyone has any money to spare in the meantime for bills and housing, it would be super duper appreciated. This came out of nowhere and I am really scared.
Now that I work with a bunch of homophobes, I feel the weight of being a ‘one of us.’
“Why are women so — oh but not you, you’re different.”
“Why are gays so–’ but you’re not like them, you’re more like us.”
Krusty The Bird Killer rants for five minutes about black women being 'sluts that all have eight kids with different fathers because they’ll lay with anything that moves,’ and then talk sweet to our secretary, a black woman in her 40s who doesnt seem to count as a black woman when he’s ranting.
I’ve been trying to put words to this behavior for awhile now. And I think it just comes down to 'us vs them.’
I showed up to work in a cowboy hat and work boots, wasnt afraid of the men’s room, and lifted a 50 pound trash bag full of dog shit on my first day. I’m not like other women to them. I dont count. I’m one of us.
I talk about my girlfriend in a quiet way: I dont declare queer supremacy and I dont make my whole life about being queer and oppressed. I’m not like other lesbians. I dont count. I’m one of us.
They dont know me. They dont know my girly interests and they dont know about my political art pieces and they dont know about the fake eyelashes that I wore during pride. They certainly dont know I’m trans.
I passed their test. I’m 'one of the dudes.’
I’m really not, though.
If they saw me outside of work, I would be a Them. But they got to know me first. I’m in their list of “thems that are us.” And every them that they meet can be an us. But they dont go out of their way to meet many thems.
I’m a Gay. I’m not the Gays. I’m (to them) a woman. I’m not Women. The secretary is black. But shes not The Blacks (pardon the phrasing, it hurt me to even type it that way.)
Every person is the stereotype of their group until someone gets to know them. But that doesn’t disprove the stereotype- it just means that the person doesnt count as part of that group anymore. They’re with us now.
Respectability politics really dont get us anywhere. If you’re out to disprove the stereotype out of a sense that you’ll change their minds, I’m telling you that energy is better spent living authentically if you are safe to do so.
Your influence on them doesnt change their perception of the box they put you in. They just put you in a smaller box. Fuck their opinions.
thinking abt that time in one of my art classes when the prof put up a silhouette of L from death note and said “this is not an effective design bc you can’t tell who this character is from this shape”
and everyone in the class went like “yes we can that’s L from death note”
and everyone in
the class went like “yes we can
that’s L from death note”
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
I must not explain the joke. Explaining the joke is the joke-killer. I will face my followers who did not get the joke. I will permit them to pass over me and through me
I might have written about this before but: to people who are weirded out Modern Greeks call Zeus Δίας (Dias).
The original name of Zeus, first attested in Mycenaean Greek Linear B scripts (1400-1200 BC), was di-we, di-wo, from the possible Proto-Hellenic form *dzeus, from possible PIE root being *dewos, meaning “god”. That d-strong form in Mycenaean was later retained better in the secondary forms of the noun, meaning the cases apart from the nominative.
The theorized z-including form *dzeus in Proto-hellenic survived better in some Greek dialects but even less so in others:
Δάν (Dán) — Aeolic
Δεύς (Deús) — Boeotian
Ζάς (Zás) — Laconian
Ζάν (Zán), Ζάς (Zás) — Doric
Ζήν (Zḗn) — poetic
Θιός (Thiós), Σιός (Siós) — Boeotian, Ionic
Τάν (Tán) — Cretan
As for Modern Greek, it has more often retained words through their secondary rather than their nominative cases, with the accusative case being the most common, like here.
So I just made a joke that “more women should poison their husbands” to my cool boss and then immediately found out that he got divorced because he was poisoned by his ex-wife
I’m apologizing profusely and he’s like “oh it’s fine it was funny” and then he offhandedly mentions that his next girlfriend tried to poison him also
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