The Beatles: 0/10. None of these people are beetles, they’re just a bunch of fruity guys from Liverpool with matching haircuts
Pink Floyd: 4/10. There is not a single person named Floyd in the band, but some of the members do arguably look kinda pink
Nirvana: 10/10. Getting high and listening to Nirvana is roughly what I imagine actual nirvana to be like
Foo Fighters: either 0/10 or 10/10. I have never seen foo in real life so either they’re pretending to fight a problem that doesn’t exist or they’re doing an absolutely fantastic job of fighting it
The Eagles: 0/10. Same as the Beatles, there is not a single eagle in this band. The name is misleading and we have all been lied to
Queen: 6/10. Partial points for Freddie Mercury
Led Zeppelin: 0/10. I don’t think any of these guys have ever even seen a zeppelin, let alone one made of lead. A lead balloon would crash faster than my hopes and dreams
The Rolling Stones: 3/10. There is not a single stone in this band. Some points added because I’m pretty sure they rolled quite a few
U2: 0/10. Despite what the name says, I am not a member of this band
Metallica: 9/10. Naming a metal band “Metallica” is like naming your dog “doggy”
Red Hot Chili Peppers: 2/10. These guys are not chili peppers. They’re not even that hot, let alone red hot
Guns N’ Roses: 0/10. How the fuck could a gun or a flower play music
Backstreet Boys: ?/10. Depends entirely on their current given location
Simon and Garfunkel: 10/10. No notes
The Doors: 1/10. Jim Morrison is kinda shaped like a door tho
Chicago: 4/10. The number of people in this band does not come even remotely close to the population of Chicago. Points added because it originated in Chicago
Earth, wind, and fire: 2/10. This is even more innacurate than Chicago. Points added because wind instruments were often used
Def Leppard: 3/10. There is not a single leopard in this band. Some of the members are probably kinda deaf by now tho
The Beach Boys: ?/10. Accuracy depends entirely on location
The Black Eyed Peas: 6/10. Not sure what the hell an ‘eyed pea’ is but the black part is pretty accurate
Imagine Dragons: ?/10. Depends entirely on whether or not they’re thinking about dragons.
Cage the Elephant: 1/10. Why would you do that. Let the elephant go
Green Day: 0/10. They’re not even green
The Police: 0/10. There is not a single cop in this band
KISS: 5/10. I’m sure they probably kissed sometimes
The Monkees: 0/10. Are you fucking kidding me
We Butter the Bread with Butter: 8/10. I can’t verify this but I have no reason to suspect that they’d lie. Butter seems like the most logical thing to butter bread with
King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard: 0/10. I got really excited about the concept of a lizard wizard only to be let down. My disappointment is immeasurable
They Might Be Giants: 5/10. I googled everyone in this band’s height, the tallest guy’s only 6’1 so I wouldn’t exactly consider him a giant. Then again, I can’t really argue because the claim was only that they MIGHT be giants
The Presidents of the United States of America: 2/10. None of these people are Joe Biden nor are any of them former presidents. This is incredibly misleading. I’m pretty sure “Lump” was written about my first girlfriend tho so I’ll give them a point or two
Gorillaz: 2/10 Not quite but we’re kinda close genetically so I’ll give them partial credit
The Killers: ?/10. I have no way of verifying if they’ve actually killed before but the fact that they’re not in prison tells me probably not
The Offspring: 10/10. These guys are definitely somebody’s offspring
Arctic Monkeys: 1/10. They are neither monkeys nor are they from the arctic
Thirty Seconds to Mars: 1/10. It takes WAY longer to get to mars than that
Beastie Boys: 8/10. They’re pretty beast on the guitar
Jimmy Eat World: 1/10. Slow the fuck down Jimmy, you’re biting off way more than you can chew
Hole: 9/10. One point deducted because I’m pretty sure they had more than one hole
Rage Against the Machine: 10/10. They did exactly that
Alice In Chains: 0/10. This is illegal. Let Alice go
The Band: 10/10. This could not possibly be more accurate
Nine Inch Nails: 1/10. I can’t find any good pictures of their feet but from what I can tell their fingernails definitely aren’t nine inches long
Bush: ?/10. Not quite sure about this one, felt uncomfortable asking
The Who: 2/10. I’m not dealing with this “Who’s On First” bullshit
Radiohead: 0/10. Not a single person in this band has a radio for a head
Queens of the Stone Age: 0/10. This band should be called “five random dudes from the modern era” but FRDFTMA is a bit of a mouthful
Soundgarden: 2/10. Sound does not grow in the garden
Sonic Youth: 5/10. They’re not exactly youth anymore but the sonic part checks out
Talking heads: 8/10. There’s more to the band than just a bunch of disembodied heads but the heads do tend to talk
The Cranberries: 0/10. Decent music but I only added them so that the Beatles and Freddie Mercury weren’t the only fruits on this list
One of the most important things I learned in my Language and the Law class is that law enforcement will intentionally misinterpret every type of statement asking for a lawyer as not asking for a lawyer. Even directly saying it like this “I will not speak to you without a lawyer” can be taken as a simple statement of fact rather than a request for a lawyer. You literally have to state “I am now invoking my right to a lawyer” and every time they try to proceed with an interrogation you have to answer every question with “I am invoking my right to have a lawyer present”. You can’t just tell them you won’t talk without a lawyer or that you want a lawyer. You have to state that you are invoking your rights. Otherwise they could just say “well they just said they wouldn’t speak without a lawyer present. That’s not invoking their rights to a lawyer. It’s just stating a fact.” even just stating your right to a lawyer doesn’t count!
PLEASE share this addition. I am a lawyer who works in criminal defense, and this is one of the most avoidable things that people consistently get wrong about the Miranda rights.
Here are some more “ambiguous” phrases which courts have found DO NOT invoke your right to a lawyer:
“Maybe I should speak to my lawyer first.”
“I might like a lawyer.”
“I think I should have a lawyer present for this.”
“Could I speak to my lawyer first?”
“How long until my lawyer gets here?”
And perhaps most egregiously – “Get me a lawyer, dawg – ‘cause this is not what’s up.”
Here are the magic phrases which you need to know if you want to invoke your Miranda rights:
1) “Am I free to leave?”
It’s worth asking this even if the answer is obvious. Even if the officer does not let you leave, by forcing them to admit that you are not free to leave, you are creating a record which your attorney can use to prove that you were in custody. Miranda rights only apply if the interrogation is custodial, meaning that police officers will frequently claim that their suspects were “not in custody” to get around their Miranda rights.
2) “I am invoking my right to remain silent.”
Simply staying silent will not invoke your right to remain silent. As absurd as this is, you must explicitly say that you are invoking your right to remain silent in order to invoke that right.
3) “I am invoking my right to an attorney.”
As stated above, you must be not only clear and unambiguous, but clear and legally unambiguous. Don’t get cute. Don’t get sassy. And on the flip side, don’t get intimidated and use verbal ticks to minimize your request. Say the line with those words exactly – say it clearly, and say it once, and then say nothing else.
Because even after you’ve done all this, the police can still try to get you to talk. They’re not supposed to interrogate you, but they’re allowed to make casual conversation, and if that conversation just happens to circle back around to the thing they wanted to question you about, well, that’s really your fault for talking after you said you wouldn’t, isn’t it? Can’t possibly fault the poor officers when you initiated – if you really wanted to have your rights respected, you wouldn’t have talked to them in the first place.
The police know this, and they will mercilessly exploit this loophole. So, once you’ve successfully invoked your Miranda rights, any and all conversation you have with police officers will put those rights back into jeopardy.
Putting it all together:
Ask: “Am I free to leave?”
If they say no, say: “I am invoking my right to remain silent and I am invoking my right to an attorney.”
And then shut up and do not say a single thing to them for any reason whatsoever until you have actually spoken to an attorney. Yes, even if it takes hours. Yes, even if they start talking to you about something else.
Finally, a very important disclaimer:
I may be a lawyer, but I’m not your lawyer, and I cannot guarantee that what I’ve just laid out here will always work for every situation. We didn’t get to this bizarre and absurd place overnight – we built this ridiculous system piecemeal, by deciding on a case-by-case basis that certain phrases were “too ambiguous” or certain types of questioning weren’t actually questioning at all. The law is still in flux, and is still fundamentally out to get you, and willing to bend plain meaning beyond all recognition to do it. Even if you invoke your rights perfectly, exactly as I have specified above, there’s a chance that your invocation of rights will be disqualified on some new technicality that no one’s even thought of yet – and that’s precisely the problem.
Watch this video: “Don’t Talk To The Police”
I am begging my followers to please watch this video from start to finish. I know it’s long, but it is incredibly valuable information that everyone needs to know, especially if you’re involved in any form of activism.
Every single cop lies. Every single cop lies and manipulates and twists the situation around to get a confession. Even when they know that the person is innocent, even when they know that what they have isn’t enough to convict someone, even when they know that that confession has been made under duress or manipulation. All they care about is getting anything to put someone behind bars.
It doesn’t matter how eloquent or innocent or experienced you are. Do not talk to cops.
The video is a doozy. Aside from all the good advice, the racist dog whistling from the officer really jumps out. In fact, his whole segment was pretty effective to drive home the point that officers are literally trained to manipulate you and fuck you over. He does say he doesn’t “try” to put innocent people in prison, but he never says he tries to keep them out either. He also explicitly states that he destroys material that could be helpful to you.
In short, DO NOT TALK TO COPS.
hey y’all please please please read this and watch the video and do research if you can, this is really scary /srs
Remember folls
ALL cops are out to get you. They do not care about you, not do they care about proving your innocence. A cop’s primary concern is painting you as the villain and getting you behind bars so they can look like the fucking hero.
All cops are the fucking enemy, they will take any sound you utter and use it against you.
Do not say a fucking word to them. Not. One.
Remember, anyone who wants to circumvent your rights will use your cooperation to hurt you.
so my gf noticed that one of the hands that feeds munchy monk in munchy monk is orange and looks more like a paw than a hand, i thought this was Incheresting so i did some comparisons between the hands that feed munchy monk and the research scientists of love lab and arrived at this,
anyway my new crack theory is that munchy monk is being fed by the research scientists of love lab and also they are his best friends. that is all for now
Why did you give the last of your food to that poorly disguised mimic? You were finally at peace with letting go, but now this odd thing won’t leave you alone and is even turning itself into various items in an attempt to aid you.
The mimic is a young one, and you knew that from the moment you laid eyes on it. It was disguised as a crate, but the angles weren’t quite right. The corners were a little lopsided, and if you looked hard enough you could make out the creature’s mouth.
A sigh escapes you as you toss over the last of your rations, not even bothering to stand up as you do so. What’s the point? You think. I’ve been trapped in this cave for days, nobody is looking for me, and the monsters are closing in. Why should I bother even trying? I could just fall asleep now, and let this little mimic eat me too.
The thing is… it doesn’t. It eats your rations, but when you lay down and try to sleep, it doesn’t attack. You do hear it move closer, but you don’t open your eyes until you feel something nudge your hand. As you barely open your eyes, you can see that the mimic has morphed itself into a crude sword. You can’t help but chuckle.
“You’re cute, but I don’t have anything left to give you.” You don’t have anything left to give for yourself either, but you don’t say so.
The mimic doesn’t seem to take no for an answer. It becomes a dagger, then an axe, then a staff, as though it’s trying to determine what your preffered weapon is.
“Listen, I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but it’s not working. I’m not going to pick you up and take you into some other part of this stupid cave system. Nice try, though.”
You turn away from it and attempt to sleep again. As you do so, you find yourself shivering. You really wish, as you doze off, that you had a blanket.
When you wake, much later, you’re surprised to find yourself covered with the warmest blanket you’ve ever had. You quickly sit up, eagerly hoping that someone had cone for you, but the cave is empty. When you look at the blanket, you notice the imperfect edges and the janky seam across the middle.
“…why haven’t you eaten me yet?” You ask the little mimic that’s now laying on top of you. “What’s wrong with you?”
The mimic, still in the form of the blanket, slithers off of you, but it does not respond. Instead, it begins taking the form of weapons again. When it turns into a crooked staff, you reach out, despite yourself. Your fingers wrap around it and you use it to haul your aching, injured body to your feet. “I guess there are probably nicer places to die.”
You know you won’t get far. And you don’t. Especially not without light. The mimic doesn’t seem too bothered, though. When you collapse again, it scuttles off. Perhaps this was simply where it wanted you to take it. Perhaps now you can finally succumb to your exhaustion.
Then, a few minutes later, a misshapen clay cup bumps against your hand. It’s full of water, and there’s a crack in the middle like a jagged mouth. You pick up the cup and you drink, telling yourself it’s only out of desperation. When you set the cup down, that little cracked mouth seems to smile.
This goes on for what feels like days. The mimic helps you limp along through the tunnels, transforming into whatever you may need at any given time. Every time you fall asleep, you expect not to wake up. Yet, you do, usually with a mimic blanket wrapped around you. It brings you food and water when you can.
The biggest surprise comes when one morning, you find you’re pleased to have survived another night. You’re happy to have the mimic keeping you warm. It’s a new feeling, and a confusing one, but it’s not unpleasant.
The other monsters that you know are down here seem to leave you alone for the most part. You aren’t sure why. It crosses your mind that maybe it has something to do with the mimic. Then again, maybe they’re just waiting for you to die. Death is gradually beginning to sound less and less appealing.
The day you catch a glimpse of sunlight down a long and narrow tunnel is the first day you finally feel like your old self again. Your pace quickens, and you don’t need to lean on the mimic’s staff form quite so much. The illusion shatters when you reach the light’s source. A small gap, high above. You curl up on the floor and cry. When you finally have the strength to look up again, your mimic has become a ladder.
Getting up is hard, in your state. Climbing, even more so. But the ladder is the biggest and best transformation the mimic has done so far, and if it wants you to get out, then you can’t let it down.
You feel it push up under you when you reach the gap. It helps you squeeze through, and then… freedom. Fresh air, and sunlight. You lay on your back on the stone, and you pass out.
You wake up at sunset, with a blanket draoed over you. A blanket with a jagged seam down the middle.
Danger. Fear. hide. Become rock. wait… calm. Hungry. find food. Smell food. See light. Dying fire.. Adventurer! Danger! Become box! Imperfect. Noticed. FearFearHumanRaisedHandFearThrowingBracing….
Not hurt. Human sigh. Near food. Danger? Prey?
Gift?
Eat. Filling.
Near human. Human resting. Danger? Observe.
ApproachFearFearFear. Observe. Become sword. Wait.
Nudgefearfearfear. Human sound. Imperfect? Become knife. No? Imperfect. Become axe. No? Imperfect. Become staff. Human sound. Human sound. Human turn. Imperfect?
Wait. Observe.
Human resting…. Human shaking. Puzzle. Human scared? No? Imperfect. Human cold? What do? Fear. Become fire.PainNO. pain. Imperfect. Human shake less. Human cold. Puzzle. Recover. Ideafear. Become blanket. Fear. Touchfearfear.
Touch.
Cover. Warm. Rest.
AwakeMovingFear! Fear! human. Human noise. Retreat. Imperfect.
Observe. Not danger.
Become sword? No? Imperfect. Become weapon? No? Imperfect. Become tool? Become warhammer. No? Imperfect. Human weak. Become small knife. No? Imperfect. Become walking stick. Human reaches. Brace. Touched.
Support. Move.
Human tired. Human injured? Imperfect. No blood. No angles. Darkness? Bad Idea NONONO. Human dry? Unknown. Human stop. Human collapse! Observe. Human in safety. Fix human dry.
Observe. Smell water. Distant. Follow.
Danger. Direwolf in water. Puzzle. Observe. Have height. Idea.
Become stone. Tumble. Pain. Imperfect. Direwolf flee. Perfect enough.
Pause. Recover. Observe. Become bucket. Fill. Climb back up. Spill some. Imperfect. At top. Some water. Perfect enough. Return.
Not back. Smell Direwolf. Fear. Have water. Caution. Observe. Crevice. Pour. Direwolf sound! Fear! Spill! Imperfect! Fear! Become stone! Direwolf approach! Become hard. Direwolf approach water! BadBadBad! Become Problem! Surprise! Bite nose! Bite! Direwolf sound. Direwolf leave. Calm.
Obtain water? Become bucket. No. Imperfect. Large. Become cup. Some water. Perfect enough. Careful. Return.
Brace. Human lift. Human drink. Human resting. Become blanket. Warm.
Time.
Split path. Human confused. Smell. Stagnant. Fresh? Follow fresh. Lead human. Support.
Time.
Smell prey. Hungry. Shake. Human sit. Quiet. Find prey. Split. Support human. Return. Human resting. Feed. Become blanket. Warm.
Time.
Light! Exit! Rush! Approach. Observe. Puzzle. Height. Hole in roof. Problem. Human noise. Human collapse! Human turn. Human noise… problem. problem. problem.
Puzzle? Puzzle. Observe. Climb wall. Difficult. Impossible? No. Approach roof. Reach hole. Puzzle. Observe. Human mimic mimic? Imperfect. Become rope? Imperfect. Human weak. Become staircase? Imperfect. Size.
Puzzle. Puzzle. …Create? Become StaircaseRope? Become… StaircaseRope. Imperfect. Shift. Shift. Puzzle. Shift. Become StaircaseRope.
Human turn. Human pause. Human rise. Human approach. Support human. Human climb. Imperfect. Perfect enough. Human rise. Human pause. Human noise. Human climb.
[Image ID: Tweet from pea poopingirl @/PoopingIRL on 8/14/23 - i think the idea of a shady dwarven salesman selling “cheap” stuff to humans and laughing to himself like “heh it will only last one generation, those stupid idiots, how will they even pass it down to their kids” forgetting that one dwarf generation is like 4 human ones is funny. There’s a black bar at the bottom with an iFunny watermark in the corner. End ID.]
Elf ea-nasir selling mithril armor that will last no more than 1,000 years getting death threats from his fellow elves but doing numbers w/humans
tried to google search for that post that’s like.. something about squids and it goes “the squirterrrrrrrrr” and believe it or not that did not show me the thing i was looking for
hey guys ✌️ just checking in. “the squirter meme” didnt bring it up either
Please, please report people who put their ko-fi or Patreon on their AO3 without mercy. Just click the link at the bottom of the page that says Policy Questions and Abuse Reports and say the user is engaging in monetisation. Say where you saw their ko-fi link or mention (author’s note, whatever) and copy the info on their user profile, too, in order to make it easier for the volunteers.
If you’re concerned, there’s nothing punitive about this, it’s just enforcement of the TOS they agreed to when they signed up. And there’s no real risk of the fic being removed, either. AO3 will contact the author and nicely ask them to remove the link, and that’s it.
Yeah, that too.
Literally the only downside is making too much work for the Abuse team. (Cry me a river, guys. In my day, we had like 2 active people, and even at the much smaller size, that was a problem.)
If you want, you can let authors know it’s not allowed and then report their asses if they’re rude about it. Or you can just report them in the first place.
But this bullshit should be stamped out.
Wait can someone explain what I’m missing here because it sounds like a bunch of whiny babies being upset that people are monetizing their own work. I get its a site policy but 1. Why are you being a cop you losers and 2. Who cares? Why is it a rule?
If I’m missing something here I’m genuinely curious. Who is it hurting to drop a ko-fi on your page? Or do y'all just love being cops?
I did not donate seven years of free labor to build AO3 so that some other dipshit could monetize my work.
And yes, it is monetizing AO3 itself because the whole reason people want to put kofi links there is that it’s easy to find fics on AO3. AO3 also lacks constant competition from other ads.
AO3 is as awesome as it is because we built it to not be monetized.
People who don’t get that are shitting on the people who made and still make AO3 possible with their work and their donations.
–
Go post your kofi links on a corporate site like tumblr/twitter/etc., not one built by your fellow fans. Disobeying the AO3 rules is just rude.
–
Look, when you do whatever on a big social media site, you’re fucking with corporate overlords.
When you’re doing stupid shit on AO3, you’re coming to a dinner party I planned and hosted and then pissing into the flower arrangement in the middle of the table.
The only whiny babies here are the ones demanding other fans provide them with a storefront for free.
You don’t sell your vegetables at a charitable food bank. You rent a booth at the farmer’s market.
You don’t set up your book kiosk in the lobby of a public library. You go to a flea market, or somewhere else that allows you to set up a book kiosk.
AO3 is fandom’s food bank. It is fandom’s public library. It is not your storefront. If you want to sell your work, don’t do it on a nonprofit website volunteers built for the *explicit* purpose of creating an anti-capitalist fandom oasis.
There’s also the VERY REAL problem that the main defense of transformative work – aka fanfiction – to keep us from getting our asses sued into the stratosphere by Disney, Marvel, etc. is that we don’t profit from it. If you are writing someone else’s IP for money without their permission, they CAN sue you, and if it’s somebody as big as Fox, Disney, etc., they WILL sue you. The main way I can tell fandom has done a good job of making safe spaces for ourselves is that these young’uns coming up don’t remember getting Cease & Desist letters from very scary lawyers.
So that’s why you report people putting kofi links on AO3 - because by doing so, they’re painting a giant fucking target on fandom’s back.
I have a hard time believing that anyone who knows what AO3 is doesn’t already know all this and isn’t questioning it in bad faith, burgeoned by the facts that the questioner had a keysmash URL and has since deactivated
out of curiousity does this apply to people who put original fiction up
It’s in the TOS. It applies to everything posted.
That stinks. Wonder if they weren’t planning to host original works when that was decided
Uh… dude…
No, it doesn’t “stink”. It’s a primary cultural value of the people who built the site.
I had a really hard time convincing anyone to even allow non-commercial original work as was normal on a lot of older fic archives because they were so afraid that original=monetized and that people would start disobeying the rules. Little did we know that a decade later people would be breaking the rules over fic all the time.
Original works on AO3 are just fine if they are fannish in some way and noncommercial.
Fanworks of public domain canons also have to be noncommercial on AO3, though you can legally sell them elsewhere.
Please, please report people who put their ko-fi or Patreon on their AO3 without mercy. Just click the link at the bottom of the page that says Policy Questions and Abuse Reports and say the user is engaging in monetisation. Say where you saw their ko-fi link or mention (author’s note, whatever) and copy the info on their user profile, too, in order to make it easier for the volunteers.
If you’re concerned, there’s nothing punitive about this, it’s just enforcement of the TOS they agreed to when they signed up. And there’s no real risk of the fic being removed, either. AO3 will contact the author and nicely ask them to remove the link, and that’s it.
Yeah, that too.
Literally the only downside is making too much work for the Abuse team. (Cry me a river, guys. In my day, we had like 2 active people, and even at the much smaller size, that was a problem.)
If you want, you can let authors know it’s not allowed and then report their asses if they’re rude about it. Or you can just report them in the first place.
But this bullshit should be stamped out.
Wait can someone explain what I’m missing here because it sounds like a bunch of whiny babies being upset that people are monetizing their own work. I get its a site policy but 1. Why are you being a cop you losers and 2. Who cares? Why is it a rule?
If I’m missing something here I’m genuinely curious. Who is it hurting to drop a ko-fi on your page? Or do y'all just love being cops?
I did not donate seven years of free labor to build AO3 so that some other dipshit could monetize my work.
And yes, it is monetizing AO3 itself because the whole reason people want to put kofi links there is that it’s easy to find fics on AO3. AO3 also lacks constant competition from other ads.
AO3 is as awesome as it is because we built it to not be monetized.
People who don’t get that are shitting on the people who made and still make AO3 possible with their work and their donations.
–
Go post your kofi links on a corporate site like tumblr/twitter/etc., not one built by your fellow fans. Disobeying the AO3 rules is just rude.
–
Look, when you do whatever on a big social media site, you’re fucking with corporate overlords.
When you’re doing stupid shit on AO3, you’re coming to a dinner party I planned and hosted and then pissing into the flower arrangement in the middle of the table.
The only whiny babies here are the ones demanding other fans provide them with a storefront for free.
You don’t sell your vegetables at a charitable food bank. You rent a booth at the farmer’s market.
You don’t set up your book kiosk in the lobby of a public library. You go to a flea market, or somewhere else that allows you to set up a book kiosk.
AO3 is fandom’s food bank. It is fandom’s public library. It is not your storefront. If you want to sell your work, don’t do it on a nonprofit website volunteers built for the *explicit* purpose of creating an anti-capitalist fandom oasis.
There’s also the VERY REAL problem that the main defense of transformative work – aka fanfiction – to keep us from getting our asses sued into the stratosphere by Disney, Marvel, etc. is that we don’t profit from it. If you are writing someone else’s IP for money without their permission, they CAN sue you, and if it’s somebody as big as Fox, Disney, etc., they WILL sue you. The main way I can tell fandom has done a good job of making safe spaces for ourselves is that these young’uns coming up don’t remember getting Cease & Desist letters from very scary lawyers.
So that’s why you report people putting kofi links on AO3 - because by doing so, they’re painting a giant fucking target on fandom’s back.
I have a hard time believing that anyone who knows what AO3 is doesn’t already know all this and isn’t questioning it in bad faith, burgeoned by the facts that the questioner had a keysmash URL and has since deactivated
out of curiousity does this apply to people who put original fiction up
It’s in the TOS. It applies to everything posted.
That stinks. Wonder if they weren’t planning to host original works when that was decided
Uh… dude…
No, it doesn’t “stink”. It’s a primary cultural value of the people who built the site.
I had a really hard time convincing anyone to even allow non-commercial original work as was normal on a lot of older fic archives because they were so afraid that original=monetized and that people would start disobeying the rules. Little did we know that a decade later people would be breaking the rules over fic all the time.
Original works on AO3 are just fine if they are fannish in some way and noncommercial.
Fanworks of public domain canons also have to be noncommercial on AO3, though you can legally sell them elsewhere.
a few people have replied stuff to the effect of “damn this looks cool but i don’t know anything about Doom” and that is officially my cue to start nerding out about it
This is the Doomguy. Demons call him “The Doom Slayer,” but everyone who loves him calls him Doomguy.
Once upon a time, Doomguy was a security guard working for the Union Aerospace Corporation. He was stationed on a remote space base on the Martian moon Phobos. He used to be in the Marine Corps, but he was dishonorably discharged after his CO ordered him to fire on unarmed civilians and he responded by putting his CO in a full-body cast. He spent most of his time as a security guard jerking off to porn on the clock, according to the original game’s manual.
One day, his bosses at the UAC fucked up super bad when experimenting with teleporters and opened a portal to Hell. Demons quickly swarmed the base, possessed Doomguy’s fellow security officers, and started taking everything over. Doomguy thought that wasn’t very cash money of the demons, grabbed a shotgun, and started asking them politely yet firmly to leave.
Doomguy does this on Phobos for a bit, dies, finds himself on the Martian moon of Deimos which had been swallowed in to Hell itself, and gets right back to fighting demons. He rappels down from Deimos in to the depths of Hell, kills more demons, and then escapes through a portal in Hell to Earth.
When on Earth, Doomguy discovers that the demons killed his pet rabbit Daisy. This motivates him to power through a bunch of extremely difficult levels designed by American McGee, a bunch of really shittyrushedambitious levels designed by Sandy Petersen, three expansion packs designed by fans, a short jog through some levels designed by Nerve Software, and an entire game that was exclusive to the Nintendo 64. During these games he kills a lot of demons, saves humanity, stops the demonic invasion of Earth, and resolves to stay in Hell for the rest of eternity to make sure this never happens again.
And… he does that. He spends eons traveling between Hell and parallel dimensions, putting a stop to demonic invasions across the multiverse. He does this for so long that the demons canonize him as a part of their weird demonic religious belief system, dubbing him The Doom Slayer. The demons chronicle Doomguy’s rampage in a collection of stories called The Slayer’s Testament. He meets an order of alien knights in Hell called the Night Sentinels, whose own home world was pulled in to Hell by the demons and who had become just as effective at killing demons as he had. He pals around with them for a bit but eventually the demons get the better of them all and all that’s left is the Doomguy. This pisses him off really bad, so badly that when he went on his latest rampage he didn’t notice that the demons were leading him in to a trap. The demons drop an entire temple on his head, knock him unconscious, and lock him in a sarcophagus.
An undisclosed amount of time passes, and eventually the UAC from an alternate universe busts in to Hell by accident again. The UAC starts pulling natural resources and artifacts from Hell and using those resources to power all of their technology. Turns out, using Hell Energy to power your electronics makes people go crazy, and eventually this turns in to another full-on demonic invasion. This is where DOOM (2016) starts, with the Doomguy waking up from his nap in a UAC lab where they had been studying his sarcophagus. Doomguy realizes that he’s in a “same shit different universe” situation and gets to work stopping the demonic invasion and angrily ignoring the input of every single person that tries to talk to him. He’s seen all this shit before countless times and is sick of hearing excuses and monologues. He’s through with the niceties of it all. Characters tell him to “carefully deactivate” all of the different science machines that let humanity safely use Hell Energy. He smashes them to bits with his feet. Characters assure him that this was all for the “greater good,” he knows that the greatest possible good for humanity is not fucking with Hell anymore. They don’t know what they’re messing with, he does, and he has to fix the problem in his own special way.
The clip above is from Doom Eternal, set to release March of next year. The clip of Doomguy casually strolling through his UAC base and just sort of asserting himself is the result of the character having experienced several thousand years of this bullshit and being just So Through with it all. He’s not gonna hurt these people because ultimately he’s fighting to protect humanity, but as far as he’s concerned he doesn’t owe anyone in this scenario the luxury of his politeness or respect.
The demons are coming from a portal at the core of Mars? What a coincidence, he’s on one of the Martian moons and there’s a gun designed to blow up planets right outside. There’s also a bunch of demons outside, so that’s gonna need to be addressed. This guy has a key to the door out? Sweet. He’s just gonna borrow that right quick. That guy has a plasma rifle? Doomguy always liked that one. It belongs to him now. Time to go outside and hit things until the industrial metal stops playing.
Kids these days with their Cocomelon color sorting infinite runner games. They’d be much more well adjusted with the classic flash games i grew up with like “Click The Stickman And He Kills Himself”
My son once came back from a record shop visit with his uncle and with wide eyes and excited smile presented me with a cassette tape. “Look what I found!” As though he’d unearthed ancient pottery at a dig sight.
I love it. I love when my kids discover something that I take for granted. I hear songs with new ears because they are in a state of wonder. My son played me “Paint it Black” the other day, I’m like yeah Rolling Stones so what? And then I see his face and that LOOK like he just discovered sunsets and he’s like yeah but listen to this part, listen to the guitar right here - and I hear a song anew. Like watching a puppy see a bird for the first time, and oh oh right yeah birds are fucking amazing, forgot about that.
#finally a comment that doesn’t have disdain for kids discovering old things #isn’t it cool that someone didn’t know Queen and they got to hear it for the first time? #isn’t it cool to witness that excitement?
I think this is largely why “react” channels on YouTube have become so popular. Watching someone experience something you love for the first time is exciting. Rediscovering that thing through their eyes is also exciting.
Part 2 of Gender Recognition is stupid and arbitrary.
(I’m he/they/ze)
So, this blew up on TikTok and you would not believe (I’m being sarcastic) the amount of people trying to tell me I’m fat, ugly, and mentally ill. I’ve got people claiming I’m “pumping myself full of synthetic chemicals” (I’m pre- T), people claiming my voice “gives it away” (I’m Deaf), several people telling me either to kill myself or that seeing this has made them want to kill themselves, and that my hands and “way of talking” prove I’m a woman (I studied theatre and I’m autistic).
It’s very interesting. Who’s more a threat to society? Me or the people threatening violence?
transcript of video by TikTok account thatannamarie from early December 2021
-begin transcript
Here’s a word that every queer person should know: homonationalism is not the name of my new synth-pop album. It’s a concept from sociology that acknowledges how queer people are used in conversations about global politics.
Homonationalism is when we use LGBT rights as a yardstick to judge how “moral” a society is. It’s short for “homonormative nationalism"—say that five times fast—and it was first coined by Jasbir Puar to describe how the US presented itself as LGBT-friendly to contrast itself to "homophobic” Muslims during the War on Terror. It can also be applied to other contexts, like the way we talk about homophobic countries in Africa or the Caribbean while ignoring the role of European colonialism in those regions.
Put a finger down if you’ve ever heard something like:
You know being gay is a crime in Ghana, right?
Those Middle Eastern countries are so backwards. Do you know what they do to gay people over there?
Oh it’s so weird. [Looks around as if hearing something from outside the room.] My neighbor’s dog is going crazy…
You know you’ve lost the plot when you’re talking about homophobia among Muslims, when white American Christians are the ones who made gay marriage illegal, ignored the entire AIDS crisis, and to this day don’t have any national policies regarding conversion therapy, a trans-panic defense, or the forcing of trans women into men’s prisons and vice-versa.
Barbados just became free of British rule this week; we should not be shocked if they have some homophobic policies.
And while I obviously believe that a more moral society is one with robust protections for queer people, LGBT rights can’t be used to judge other countries, to make us feel better about bombing them.
As an aside, I live in Connecticut, an American state where it gets dark at 4pm now, and where LGBT rights are actually pretty good. We were one of the first states to institute gay marriage, transgender health care is part of our state insurance, and we’re just generally more legally protected here.
And yet while legal support is very robust in our state, there’s very little cultural support. Homophobia and transphobia in day-to-day life is roughly as bad as any other part of the country, and we have no gay cultural infrastructure. Only enough gay bars to count on one hand, and no known queer meeting spaces otherwise. It’s obviously not as bad as living in a place where being gay is a crime, but it’s still pretty lonely out here.
So for a variety of reasons, I don’t appreciate queer and trans people being used as a pawn to further Islamophobia, anti-African sentiment, and general xenophobia. Mainly because it’s racist and ignorant; many of these countries have a long, rich history of queer and trans and nonbinary identities before white European colonizers showed up, but also because western “acceptance” of LGBTQ people is very conditional and very limited in terms of material and legal protection.
White supremacy wins when we pit queer people and people of color against each other. We need international solidarity and an acknowledgment of colonialism to achieve equality and equity.
sending people wikipedia articles is my favorite form of humor. one time a long time friend of mine asked why i was using a different name and acting different i sent him the wikipedia page for DID. ryder just asked me why its 108 degrees in nevada right now and i sent him the wikipedia page for global warming and the season of summer.
i see you all in the tags going “this is so funny” you better not steal my fucking bit. im copyrighting this joke
you may also know Mark Vomit from such hits as “You Are Not Immune To Propaganda” (featuring Garfield)
[image description: a photograph of a boxy white TV from the 1990s, yellowed with age. it has a VHS port and chunky analogue buttons. the slightly curved screen shows text reading, “the convenience you demanded is now mandatory,” written in the fonts and colors of the Amazon, Disney, and YouTube logos. end image description.]
Ok breaking out the photo references here. Color is blue so it doesn’t trigger any “flesh color detectors”
now make it pink
im not gonna change anything visually, but i still think this might be what trips the adult filter…
THIS ASS IS TRANSGENDER
Huh. Not marked as mature yet. This beautiful sexy trans ass has not been marked for nudity or indecency. This work of trans body part art has not been marked by the censors.
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