October 2023

bumblequinn:

joe biden: how do i look in this chef hat, giuseppe?

giuseppe, the presidential butler: waifish and breedable as always, muy lord

joe biben: fabulous. pass me the Improbable Meat

chucktheprophet:

island-delver-go:

stormdriver949:

normalstuffidk:

deerstroyer:

magical-awesome-kid:

xtremefangirling:

we-all-got-scars:

IT’S MARCH

image

Uh… It’s still May…

image

It’s august

It’s September

pallidprincess:

tiktok is such an awful app, it’s almost designed to feed you misinformation and expose you to insane discourse. unlike beloved tumblr, the app that feeds me misinformation and exposes me to insane discourse

autisticshadowthehedgehog:

A twitter thread from @WavePrism_, imitating an "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" Episode. This first post has a blurry screencap of Robotnik screaming at the camera, and it is captioned: "You two absolutely bionic boneheads BETTER make sure my glorrrious, giGANTIC X stays errrrected atop the roof! And you better ensure that it flashes enough times for all of those idiotic Mobians to have their eyeballs melted into puddles! GOT IT?"ALT
Two photos, one of the X logo that only lasted a day, the other of Scratch and Grounder fighting. Scratch (presumably) says "YOU DOLT! HE SAID WE WERE SUPPOSED TO LET IT FLASH LIKE THIS!"

Grounder: "nuh uh! how do you think they're gonna know that's an X when you can't even see it?"

Scratch: "OHHHH, I'LL MAKE SURE YOU CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!"ALT
A photo of Sonic in disguise, talking to a fooled Scratch and Grounder. He says, "Hey there, dumbbots! I'm from the local inspection team, and I'm hearin' nothing but high praise for how inconvenient the constant strobing is, especially at night! Would you like some quick cash for me to place that X in a more upclose and personal area?"

Scratch (presumably) says, "MOOLAH! SURE CAN DO!"ALT
Sonic smirking at the camera. "Hah! Those two are so easy to convince. Now to send this X straight into the sun!"ALT
A photo of the X logo having been removed from the twitter building.ALT
A final screenshot of Robotnik screaming at Scratch and Grounder, cartoonishly leaping in the air and making them fly backwards. The caption reads, "WHAT THE FUCK"ALT

saving this twitter thread here bc there’s no way this site is lasting to the end of the year and this needs to be preserved

[op is @jungle-golf here and this was reposted with permission! thank you autumn for this gift of a thread <3]

targents:

“draw ronald mcdonald mcfreakin losin it. josuke is there” -tumblr user solaceon

femmeloverboy:

BOYLIKERCORE!!!!!

Keep reading

femmeloverboy:

BOYLIKERCORE!!!!!

Keep reading

s-h-a-s-e:

molabuddy:

weaver-z:

Just found what may be my worst draft ever

shencomix:






kirbyandthenerveofthisbitch:

nando161mando:

If you want to know why people have lost faith in capitalism, this might help

bgm05:

bgm05:

laying an egg hard and loud

will the person who tagged this “stephen colbert” please approach the bench.

fuckblast:

Not a single meme ever will age better for me than this one. You had no fucking idea. None of us had a damn clue.

listlessponybarrista-blog:

stupid-selective-marvel-blog:

LETS FUCKIN GOOO

ever since the day i realised the weakness of my flesh. ive craved the sexy certainty of steel

theoutcastrogue:

keyboardfantasies:

this is hands down my favourite philomena cunk moment

tony-the-tigers-juicy-armpit:

if you ever saw me say some weird shit i was high or confused or scared or i meant it

synaphrel-moved:

How to hide things online from abusive parents.

(A post by someone who is currently going through this.)

note: this is just from my experience. These tips may not help everyone, as privacy-invading abusive parents have so many different tactics and i probably won’t be able to cover all of them.

Here are some tips and tricks.

These are my tips, as someone whose blog is a whole secret from my parents. I’m so sorry if this doesn’t work… this situation of no privacy is incredibly hard to be in, and I’m proud of you for making it this far.

Please stay safe.

distinctiveusername:

I like pictures of destroyed Scrub Daddys

sandmandaddy69:

thefloatingstone:

crabussy:

crabussy:

crabussy:

siphonophores will never not freak me out. stop doing that its SCARY but also please don’t ever stop doing that you ethereal marine cryptid

the red shape is a person of average height. the green line is one of these freaks. btw

Ya’ll forgot my favourite one

fang11803:

breadussy-deactivated20240423:

kinsey3furry300:

chilewithcarnage:

chilewithcarnage:

ghost rider what you did to that iguana was fucked up dude

way to go jackass

More importantly, given that Ghost Rider can canonically only scourge the souls of sinners, what sins had that random-ass lizard committed?

lust

That was Rango

spiffiesttea:

there is a beast of some sorts in my askbox

a screenshot of a tumblr ask boxed. it is filled with anonymous asks in all caps saying, "GET SCARED!!! RAHHH!! GRGRGRRR!!"ALT

astraltrickster:

byrdsfly:

cheesepoon-deactivated20231010:

bippysaurus-rex:

theprofessional-amateur-deactiv:

gay-jesus-probably:

alonelybeemakingart:

runby2:

runby2:

Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .

You can not just say this without dropping the whole story

Ok so,

My dads coworker is at the front and this man comes Up and hands him a document.

The coworker took a Look at the document and while he couldn’t read the things written by Hand, because he wasn’t wearing his glases, he did notice the Logo of a different Bank so he’s like:

“Oh, sorry sir you can’t do that here! You have to go to the other Bank for this :)”

The man, visibly confused leaves, but dosen’t take the document with him.

The coworker, now just as confused as the Guy actually Takes Out his glases and reads the hand written part:


This is a robbery

Can you imagine trying to rob a god damn bank and the teller just cheerfully tells you to go rob the competition instead

I worked as a bank teller for several years and a few things you should know, bank robberies happen far more frequently than you might think and they come in waves. When a bank gets robbed a notification with photos goes to all banks in the area to be on the lookout. And there are two kinds of robbery, the pass the note and the takeover (what you see in movies).

So our branch had had a big takeover robbery as well as a note one. We also had a teller that had transferred to our branch after having been through a robbery. She was sweet as apple pie, hair up to the ceiling, southern lady who had just been through multiple robberies.

A guy comes in and hands her a folded note. Her immediate thought was “this guy needs to learn you don’t hand bank tellers notes. I am just not going to read that.” So how the conversation goes:

Her: how can I help you today?

Him: I’m here to get money

Her: great *hands him a withdrawal slip*

Him: all the information is on the paper

Her: to process the transaction I need you to put it on my piece of paper

SO HE FILLS OUT A WITHDRAWAL SLIP. Meanwhile another coworker is looking at her latest robbery notification email thinking the guy at the window looks a lot like him but the teller is calm and seems to be following standard transaction.

Back at the window the teller notices his name on the withdrawal slip doesn’t match the name on the account so she asks for his ID. He once again tells her all the relevant info is on the folded note but also gives her his ID and says it is his dad’s account. She tells him he will need a check from his dad to get cash. He grabs the note and leaves.

ONE HOUR LATER

Two new robbery notifications hit our emails, both branches within a mile. It is our guy. Teller goes over to the manager and sheepishly informs them he was here and the time. Security department is notified as are local police and the FBI. The FBI comes over believing that these poor tellers had been robbed for the 3rd time in a month and take her statement. She is completely embarrassed telling them how everything went down and he kept signaling to the note and telling her to read it but she was just done.

To which this FBI agent of 40 years who has been to the scene of many bank robberies (several at this branch in recent weeks) says: Ok. Let me see if I got this right, he came in fully intending to rob you. He gave you the note and you just…refused to read it? So he left and went to the bank literally across the street, handed them the exact same note, and they just handed him five grand? Do I have that correct?”

Her: I am so embarrassed

FBI: this is best thing I have ever heard. He even handed you his ID! Holy-

Her: I feel so dumb!

FBI: don’t! This is the best thing I have ever heard. This is going to be in training courses. (He sat there giddy for at least 5 more minutes)

I have a similar story from my friend Fred, who is a great human and I like him lots.

He was working at a 7-11 that got robbed a lot, working nights. And he was bored and read though his entire contract and learned if you’re shot at work you get $200,000. Also, he hated his boss and the job.

So when a guy came in to rob him at gunpoint he got excited and was able to hatch the plan he had been pondering while dealing with a Shitty Boring Job.

“Dude. Shoot me in the leg. Right here- it’ll go through and not hit anything vital and I’ll be able to quit this fucking job. I’ll give you fifty fucking grand to shoot me in the leg then you can take everything in the register.”

This ended with him chasing the weeping attempted burglar out of his store screaming “SHOOT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD I WANT THE MONEY”.

@rmilkies

One of my uncles was a branch manager at a local bank when I was a kid. His branch had the dubious honor of being one of- if not the- most robbed bank in the area. There was a bullet hole in the wall behind his desk where he’d been shot at once.

One day, this guy came in and announced he was there to rob the place. This man was smoking a cigar with one hand and had a gun in the other.

My uncle pointed at the “No Smoking” sign and told him in no uncertain terms, “Put that cigar out, or finish it outside first.”

This guy, bless his heart, went back outside to finish his cigar.

My uncle locked the door behind him and waited for the cops to show up.

This is what I like to call the Bugs Bunny Deescalation Strategy

floating-hasselblad:

Hes just like me fr

were–ralph:

were–ralph:

were–ralph:

They just flagging everything now

The weird part of this is that it’s not the original post that’s flagged; I can still rb that just fine. It’s only my specific reblog which would imply I added something sexual to it but I added nothing whatsoever not even a tag

Its literally targeting me and no one else lol

Be loud and please don’t let me die unnecessarily for a fourth time

inhumanliquid:

If this gets 100k notes I’ll do one self-care.

inhumanliquid:

If this gets 100k notes I’ll do one self-care.

paxamericana:

snailcheeserulz:

empress-of-dark2005:

bobthecoolrock:

studentlifeproblems:

You reblogged the hanging in there star 8 times girl. Are you sure you’re still hanging in there?

No

You’ve reblogged the hanging in there star 14 times. Do you want to talk?

nick-nonya:

vitchuatlocalhost-deactivated20:

lesslaivyy:

Conclusion: Jellyfishes have befriended God

phantom-lights:

Editing memes to cope

transmortifried:

ghoul-wizard:

I’m the guy who goes around giving small change to low level monsters

beardedmrbean:

siryouarebeingmocked:

newplayingsmash:

chirmartir:

Ch👍

Oddly satisfying

  • Michael Westen [narrative]  Not all hiding places are created equal. Generally speaking, a good hiding place is hard to find but easy to access. On rare occasions, for the most sensitive material, you have to go a step further and find a hiding place even you can’t get to. (418 - Last Stand)
  • It’s always a challenge hiding something sensitive that you might need quickly. Any hiding place involves a trade-off between security and access. Hide something in the sewer main under your floor, and it’s secure, but good luck getting to it. Hide something in your sock drawer and it’s easy to get to, but hardly secure. The best hiding places are easy to get to but tough to find. The do-it-yourself versions are known in the spy trade as slicks -easy to slip something in, easy to slide it out.  -(Burn Notice Episode 209: Good Soldier)

That first one tho, who has walls that are a foot thick like that, it’s just silly.

cannibalchicken:

That seems to happen with other Bluetooth earphones as well. I wonder why?

bunjywunjy:

bunjywunjy:

fuck it. apples time

wroops… too manys….

AITA for dismissing my brother's weird rantings?

i(300M) was at a recent meeting with the rest of my group when my sister(20MF) had started receiving worship from his followers.

As any god would, i told xem to cut that out and stop sending blessings during meetings. Zey flew into a fit of rage and explained that a god under 100 years old needs more worship to survive than an older god.

As any sane individual would, i dismissed this as her being weird due to manifesting in 2003. this led to my other group members(2000M,13000F and 12000M) saying i need to leave the meeting and cool off.

AITA?

aita-blorbos:

AITA?

YTA

NTA

JAH

NAH

ESH

INFO

See Results

the-haiku-bot:

color-palettes:

I Don’t Want To Say Goodnight Just Yet - Submitted by @Synoicus

#CEAEA6 #CA736E #AC465A #6D2337 #341827 #221621

I Don’t Want To Say

Goodnight Just Yet - Submitted

by @Synoicus

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

genderkoolaid:

feminist-fog:

the funniest thing to me rn is seeing transphobic women going into bathrooms in transphobic states and then being shocked that trans men are in there and actually (gasp) look like men?!?! (shocking i know /s)

like you guys forced people to go to the bathrooms of their “biological sex” but now when they do it’s disconcerting that men look like men. (yes even if that man has a vagina.)

Transphobes are shocked to realize trans men aren’t all “uwu soft boiz” and HRT does what it’s supposed to. It’s so mind boggling to them that trans people don’t look like their bigoted characatures.

Anyways here are some men that will be forced to use the women’s restroom in states like florida, texas, kansas, etc.

#listen to me#go read about the bathroom problem#jack habsterdam wrote a chapter about it in their book female masculinity#basically#trans women aren’t allowdd in female bathrooms because of their proximity to maleness#trans men aren’t allowdd in female bathrooms also because of their proximity to mleness#butches and dykes are often pushd out of bathrooms because of their proximity to maleness(liking women and being masculine)#bathrooms aren’t “safe spaces for women”#they’re spaces for policing gender and holding women to a ‘safe’ high standard of femininity where women will attack anyone who doesn’t fit#that high standard

thank you pointing this out + bringing up that trans men are not safe in women’s bathrooms, either. a lot of times when people make the point that transphobic bathroom laws will force trans men in women’s bathrooms, they act like all trans men will just be 100% unaffected by this and their presence will only make transphobes ashamed instead of. I don’t know. A cis woman calling a bunch of cis men to beat the shit out of a Latino trans man (where the police reports then call him the aggressor). Transphobia makes public bathrooms unsafe for all kinds of trans people, especially if they aren’t white.

ds9vgrconfessions:

reginaldqueribundus:

I know classic Star Trek always had a mix of serious business and wacky shenanigans, but I don’t know if anything will ever beat the seesaw of earnestness and ridiculousness that was Deep Space Nine season six?

  • episode 7: Jadzia’s new Klingon mother-in-law is mean!! Worf invites his friends to the galaxy’s shittiest bachelor party
  • ep 8: Kira must confront her dead boyfriend’s doppelganger from another universe
  • ep 9: the neurodivergent breakfast club, starring Bashir
  • ep 10: the Ferengi Comic Relief Brigade have to do a Weekend at Bernie’s with a POW they killed by accident
  • ep 11: Ben Sisko is injured and trapped in a cave with his self-declared archnemesis who goes violently insane while hallucinating and ranting about his intention to commit genocide
  • ep 12: Quark goes on a treasure hunt but the real treasure was here inside Morn’s colon all along
  • ep 13: a Black science fiction writer struggles with systemic racism and police brutality in 1950s America and the entire show might be a dream he’s having
  • ep 14: Honey We Shrunk The Runabout

This is why star trek should be mostly episodic with serialized elements. DS9 was the perfect balance of episodic and serialized.

Useful Websites for Students

ghostflowerdreams:

I put together a post containing Awesome Sites and Links for Writers, which is also pretty useful for school work too. Some of these sites I’ve discovered on my own in pursuit of knowledge and other times by friends. Many of them I wish that I knew about back when I was school. Most of the websites listed below are geared towards college students, but a few are aimed at high school students and primary students. So there is a bit of everything for everyone.

Homework Help & Studying

Free Online Courses

Information & Research

Books & Shopping (Student Discounts & Deals)

Apps & Tools

Miscellaneous

funnytwittertweets:

communistkenobi:

whenever right wing people talk about “parental rights” they are talking about property rights. they are arguing for further political and legal enshrinement of their children as their literal actual property

pinene:

pinene:

⚠️ National Alert

hi

⚠️ National Alert

Cocktober

fullmetalwindbreaker:

happy birthday unimaginable violence

hamletthedane:

only-tiktoks:

Best part is the background commentary from the other seventh graders:

Student 1: How does he do that???

Student 2, in a bored tone: he’s gay, he can do anything 🙄

how-many-notes-does-it-have:

free-post-store:

i-add-the-word-men-to-your-posts:

sensiblereblogifposts:

identifying-cars-in-posts:

alphabetcompletionist:

christs-cock-deactivated2023110:

alphabetcompletionist:

digitcounter:

:

t-counter:

christs-cock-deactivated2023110:

christs-cock-deactivated2023110:

why do people refer to some of their kids as “furry children”? it makes no sense to separate them from your other kids just because they’re a furry

the realisation that furry children means dogs hit me like a train at 4 in the morning

T Count: 16

Letter Count: 185

Your T Percentage: 8.65%

Average T Percentage: 6.95%

You used the letter T 0.84 times as much as average.

As: 21 Es: 39 Is: 10 Os: 16 Us: 11

❗️Vowel Ys: 4

Total vowels: 101

123456 890

[nine out of ten]

is that jesus 👀👀👀

oh don’t you think about it mister

(2007-2008 Acura TL)

Reblog if it makes sense to separate them from your other kids because they’re a furry

Men

$0

This post has like five notes. To Me.

hauntinq-6:

delightedobserverintraining:

lovelandmoonart:

It is that time of the year to Adopt a Ghost! 👻 Your ghost comes in its very own little box, sleeping on black tissue paper alongside a tiny scroll with a description of your ghost such as their name, occupation, likes and dislikes.

It also makes a great gift for friends and family who love ghost stories, spooky movies, and Halloween!

==> AVAILABLE HERE <==

💖

Omg I want one🥺

stativolt:

in summary: discombobulate