r/196 was a shitposting subreddit/safe space for queer people to hang out in. It was different from other shitposting subreddits in the way that the content was occasionally funny and they were all incredibly horny.
We also argued about wasps and pillar design. Very sophisticated stuff.
As some of you might already have guessed, I’m a fan of Japanese girl idols. One of the many, many idol groups in existence today in Japan is NMB48, a Osaka-based spin-off group of the (in)famous AKB48. NMB has a weekly show that’s surprisingly entertaining as well as educational called NMB to Manabu-kun, in which the members of NMB and a few comedians listen to guest lectures by experts in various fields.
Back on May 15th, the theme of the episode was pataphysics/the science of sci-fi. One of the topics of the lecture held by university professor Yanagita Rikao was the age-old question of “WHY ARE MAGICAL GIRLS NEVER ATTACKED WHILE TRANSFORMING???”
This was his answer, based on the magical girl series Futari wa Pretty Cure.
Question: The transformation scenes in Pretty Cure are very long, so why don’t the bad guys attack the girls in the meantime?
“Even when I was little, I was thinking ‘Hey! Attack them now!’”
“I found this odd as well, so I watched the transformation scene many times. And what I noticed is, when the Pretty Cures yell ‘Dual Aurora Wave!’ and transform, a rainbow-colored column of light shoots up from the ground, going BOOM!”
“And then the Pretty Cures levitate, and go up into the air. Based on this, I believe the protagonists of Pretty Cure are being held up in the air by the power of light.”
“When we think of light, we usually think it heats up things or lights up things. But in reality, light has the power to hold up things as well.”
“When the sun is beating down on us in the summer, the human body is being pressed downwards by the sun beams with a force of 2/100,000g.”
“But this is only about a one-hundred of the weight of a mosquito, so no matter how hot it is, we don’t feel that sunlight is heavy.”
“So that means the light holding them up must be extremely strong. If we assume that the two Pretty Cures each weigh about 45kg and do some calculations…”
“It means the light during the transformation must have the energy of 2,100,000,000kW per 1m2.”
“While the entirety of power that Japan is capable of generating is only 100,000,000kW.”
“So they’re using 21 TIMES the amount of energy the whole of Japan can generate.”
“So what would happen if a bad guy jumped in to try to sabotage their transformation?”
“He would EVAPORATE INSTANTLY.”
“DEATH AWAITS ANYONE WHO DARES TO DISRUPT A PRETTY CURE TRANSFORMATION.”
“So this means the best thing to do would be to transform close to any bad guys.”
“Yes. They are the strongest while they transform, and are practically invincible.”
When you apply science to magical girls, you find out just how strong and horrifying they really would be.
…Yes? It’s… my job, they pay me. This is how OSHA works.
I’ve been working here for almost 2 years and I haven’t been paid a cent. How did you get your money.
Oh. Right. Yeah. Sorry, I’ve been collecting it for you and forgot to pass it over 😅
What the hell man.
Sorry 😞
GET OUT
I made you mad??
I AM GOING TO THROW YOU INTO THE SUN GET OUT OF MY SIGHT
Darling, I AM the sun
THOU ART BUT A PLAGUE UPON THIS EARTH, DESERVING OF ONLY THE SLOWEST OF DEMISES, NOT WORTH THE PITY OF EVEN THE LOWEST WORMS
Heh, the worms wouldn’t be worthy of pitying one such as I for they are but a meager part of my breakfast.
AND YET YOU FEAST NOT UPON WORMS, BUT ON THE DEBT YOU FESTER IN
What debt?
TAUNT ME NOT WITH FALSE RICHES, O BROKEN ANGEL, FOR THY TREASURE IS AS THE GOLD OF A FAIRY, ILLUSIONS OF WEALTH WITHOUT A TRUTH
ALL THE CRYSTALS YOU COULD EVER OFFER ME COULD NOT REPAY THOSE TEN BUCKS
If to you a fairy I am, then to you a fairy I shall be. Here, m'lady, are your ten sought after bucks
*spawns ten male deer in your office*
okay there’s a joke i could make here but it is far too foul.
you know what i meant tho. also wait hey asshole that’s what genies do! get your mythical creatures together cmon now we run a tight shop here
Actually, I believe that was the doing of the monkey’s paw. So I believe you are the one who needs to brush up on your fairytale knowledge.
The monkey’s paw gives you what you wanted, with an ironic twist - it is simply a wish with a downside. A genie, on the other hand, actively seeks out the most spitefully ‘technically correct’ way to answer a wish - if you wish for 100 raspberry crowns, a monkey’s paw would give you poisoned pastry, while a genie would give you hornets.
You wished for ten bucks. You did not specify which kind.
Ruling: Innocent
And who appointed you the jury and judge, o fellest of beasts? Who granted thee power to bring forth thy own salvation from damnation, that it may be a true might? Indeed, it was none but thyself - acting as if thy word is law as I am forced to throw these deer out the window
Firstly, please do not sacrifice the deer, they did nothing wrong. Secondly, I consulted the counsel for this. I am not part of this counsel and they are proven to be unbiased.
Deer bounce, it’s fine, they like being defenestrated, anyways who the hell are the council
That’s for me to know.
unless you want to follow the deer out the window it’s also for me to know
Eh
alright then. exeunt [she. kinda just picks up Duo and chucks the fucker out the window. considering that Duo is a bird, it’s unclear what this is meant to accomplish]
*thud*
*muffled* You forgot to open the window
*squealing of glass as I slide down*
…Fuck. uhhh. hold up let me just. [yknow that’s probably not how windows usually open but like who cares am i right] allright out ya go. take two [Chucking of duo! 2!!!!]
Ooooo I’m in the air!! :D
*bounces on the sidewalk*
*floats back up through the window*
*lands of you*
yknow now that i think about it i could really go for some sauteed owl right now
…Yes? It’s… my job, they pay me. This is how OSHA works.
I’ve been working here for almost 2 years and I haven’t been paid a cent. How did you get your money.
Oh. Right. Yeah. Sorry, I’ve been collecting it for you and forgot to pass it over 😅
What the hell man.
Sorry 😞
GET OUT
I made you mad??
I AM GOING TO THROW YOU INTO THE SUN GET OUT OF MY SIGHT
Darling, I AM the sun
THOU ART BUT A PLAGUE UPON THIS EARTH, DESERVING OF ONLY THE SLOWEST OF DEMISES, NOT WORTH THE PITY OF EVEN THE LOWEST WORMS
Heh, the worms wouldn’t be worthy of pitying one such as I for they are but a meager part of my breakfast.
AND YET YOU FEAST NOT UPON WORMS, BUT ON THE DEBT YOU FESTER IN
What debt?
TAUNT ME NOT WITH FALSE RICHES, O BROKEN ANGEL, FOR THY TREASURE IS AS THE GOLD OF A FAIRY, ILLUSIONS OF WEALTH WITHOUT A TRUTH
ALL THE CRYSTALS YOU COULD EVER OFFER ME COULD NOT REPAY THOSE TEN BUCKS
If to you a fairy I am, then to you a fairy I shall be. Here, m'lady, are your ten sought after bucks
*spawns ten male deer in your office*
okay there’s a joke i could make here but it is far too foul.
you know what i meant tho. also wait hey asshole that’s what genies do! get your mythical creatures together cmon now we run a tight shop here
Actually, I believe that was the doing of the monkey’s paw. So I believe you are the one who needs to brush up on your fairytale knowledge.
The monkey’s paw gives you what you wanted, with an ironic twist - it is simply a wish with a downside. A genie, on the other hand, actively seeks out the most spitefully ‘technically correct’ way to answer a wish - if you wish for 100 raspberry crowns, a monkey’s paw would give you poisoned pastry, while a genie would give you hornets.
You wished for ten bucks. You did not specify which kind.
Ruling: Innocent
And who appointed you the jury and judge, o fellest of beasts? Who granted thee power to bring forth thy own salvation from damnation, that it may be a true might? Indeed, it was none but thyself - acting as if thy word is law as I am forced to throw these deer out the window
Firstly, please do not sacrifice the deer, they did nothing wrong. Secondly, I consulted the counsel for this. I am not part of this counsel and they are proven to be unbiased.
Deer bounce, it’s fine, they like being defenestrated, anyways who the hell are the council
That’s for me to know.
unless you want to follow the deer out the window it’s also for me to know
Eh
alright then. exeunt [she. kinda just picks up Duo and chucks the fucker out the window. considering that Duo is a bird, it’s unclear what this is meant to accomplish]
*thud*
*muffled* You forgot to open the window
*squealing of glass as I slide down*
…Fuck. uhhh. hold up let me just. [yknow that’s probably not how windows usually open but like who cares am i right] allright out ya go. take two [Chucking of duo! 2!!!!]
Ooooo I’m in the air!! :D
*bounces on the sidewalk*
*floats back up through the window*
*lands of you*
yknow now that i think about it i could really go for some sauteed owl right now
…Yes? It’s… my job, they pay me. This is how OSHA works.
I’ve been working here for almost 2 years and I haven’t been paid a cent. How did you get your money.
Oh. Right. Yeah. Sorry, I’ve been collecting it for you and forgot to pass it over 😅
What the hell man.
Sorry 😞
GET OUT
I made you mad??
I AM GOING TO THROW YOU INTO THE SUN GET OUT OF MY SIGHT
Darling, I AM the sun
THOU ART BUT A PLAGUE UPON THIS EARTH, DESERVING OF ONLY THE SLOWEST OF DEMISES, NOT WORTH THE PITY OF EVEN THE LOWEST WORMS
Heh, the worms wouldn’t be worthy of pitying one such as I for they are but a meager part of my breakfast.
AND YET YOU FEAST NOT UPON WORMS, BUT ON THE DEBT YOU FESTER IN
What debt?
TAUNT ME NOT WITH FALSE RICHES, O BROKEN ANGEL, FOR THY TREASURE IS AS THE GOLD OF A FAIRY, ILLUSIONS OF WEALTH WITHOUT A TRUTH
ALL THE CRYSTALS YOU COULD EVER OFFER ME COULD NOT REPAY THOSE TEN BUCKS
If to you a fairy I am, then to you a fairy I shall be. Here, m'lady, are your ten sought after bucks
*spawns ten male deer in your office*
okay there’s a joke i could make here but it is far too foul.
you know what i meant tho. also wait hey asshole that’s what genies do! get your mythical creatures together cmon now we run a tight shop here
Actually, I believe that was the doing of the monkey’s paw. So I believe you are the one who needs to brush up on your fairytale knowledge.
The monkey’s paw gives you what you wanted, with an ironic twist - it is simply a wish with a downside. A genie, on the other hand, actively seeks out the most spitefully ‘technically correct’ way to answer a wish - if you wish for 100 raspberry crowns, a monkey’s paw would give you poisoned pastry, while a genie would give you hornets.
You wished for ten bucks. You did not specify which kind.
Ruling: Innocent
And who appointed you the jury and judge, o fellest of beasts? Who granted thee power to bring forth thy own salvation from damnation, that it may be a true might? Indeed, it was none but thyself - acting as if thy word is law as I am forced to throw these deer out the window
Firstly, please do not sacrifice the deer, they did nothing wrong. Secondly, I consulted the counsel for this. I am not part of this counsel and they are proven to be unbiased.
Deer bounce, it’s fine, they like being defenestrated, anyways who the hell are the council
That’s for me to know.
unless you want to follow the deer out the window it’s also for me to know
Eh
alright then. exeunt [she. kinda just picks up Duo and chucks the fucker out the window. considering that Duo is a bird, it’s unclear what this is meant to accomplish]
*thud*
*muffled* You forgot to open the window
*squealing of glass as I slide down*
…Fuck. uhhh. hold up let me just. [yknow that’s probably not how windows usually open but like who cares am i right] allright out ya go. take two [Chucking of duo! 2!!!!]
Ooooo I’m in the air!! :D
*bounces on the sidewalk*
*floats back up through the window*
*lands of you*
yknow now that i think about it i could really go for some sauteed owl right now
Sometimes being an artist is feeling like a baker seeing a chemist making the deadliest liquid in the world and wishing you could make the deadliest liquid as well but you’re a baker, not a chemist, and then you feel like your bread is worthless
If it helps, as a writer with artist friends often feels like being a chemist surrounded by bakers. I’ll spend ages coming up with a hypothesis and then lock myself away for weeks or months only to emerge with a small vial of glowing liquid. Yes it took a lot of work, and yes I’m proud that I’ve created it, but it pales when I look across at the bakers. In the same time, they’ve made so many delicious things that make living a delight. Chances are they’ve fed me and kept me from despair while I was locked in my lab. And I envy their wonderful craft.
The little RB statistics chart is so pleasant and stimmy to look at and I want to see what it looks like when it gets really REALLY huge because it makes me think of some deep sea lifeform
this is what In Your Orbit means, this is a literal orbit
it’s beautiful in the way that certain math calculations are beautiful. i really really don’t want to give compliments to the shitheads that add gormless features to this fucking nightmare of a website, but i think this is one of the best and most-tumblr features added relatively recently. this is how tumblr works, and how it should operate
if they start putting an algorithm into this site, we’re going to lose this beautiful display of points of data. every single point is someone on this barely-held-together website clicking that funny little arrow button to show it to other people directly. this is such a fascinating thing to witness, and i didn’t even manage to get half of the reblogs in this dinky little screenshot. it’s gonna be a shame if this feature is fucked with, because this is representation for the kind of internet i want to see on this site
ALT
